Tales of Fairies
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: A collection of oneshots exploring different friendships, ideas, sad themes, comical scenarios, and lots and lots of pairings...but mainly Nalu. Chapter 24: Lucy redirects Erza's anger onto Natsu and Gray.
1. Wooing A Dragon

**Summary: So I caught a rerun of Shrek just as Donkey met Dragon and thought….that is so Natsu and Lucy, and this fic was born. **

**Pairings: Implied Natsu/Lucy, sort of Erza/Gray, mentions of Jellal/Erza, one-sided Juvia/Gray, and Gray/Lucy (all in Erza's head XD).**

**YouTube Prompt: I keep having ideas of what I like to see (because video wise there isn't much for Fairy Tail) but I have no idea how to make videos. So I decided to do a prompt thing for each chapter; it's up to you if you want to do it or not. This chapter's prompt is a Natsu/Lucy video to Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart because I think that song is perfect for Lucy especially in the Magic Games/King of the Dragons arc. **

Lucy cursed her predicament.

Her best friend (yes, _best friend_, not _love interest_, for Christ sake Juvia!) the grumpy Gray had dragged her out on a mission to rescue a princess. It was the only way they could save the guild as the evil, and rather narcissistic, Lord Jellal was targeting mages and disbanding guilds. Master managed to negotiate Fairy Tail's safety by agreeing to send his best mages out to rescue the beautiful Princess Erza from a dragon.

Said dragon was about to eat Lucy while Gray was off God knows where.

"Err, erm, hi!" Lucy squeaked. "What, erm, lovely teeth you have. I bet you get this all the time but you must bleach them or something because that's one dazzling smile you have, and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?" The Dragon paused and she swore she could see it raising an eyebrow at her. She decided to carry on babbling like a freak, after all if her compliment could make him freeze then perhaps if she carried on he might get bored and leave her alone….she hopes. "And…erm….your muscles!" she blurted out. _His muscles?!_ Seriously what is _wrong _with her? "They're so big, and strong, and….erm….nice?"

The Dragon leaned in towards her. Oh God, this was it, wasn't it? She was going to die! He was going to eat her! No he was going to barbecue her and then eat her! AAAAAAAAAA-

He snorted.

She blinked.

He then laughed. "You're a weird one," he said cheerfully.

"YOU CAN TALK?!" she shrieked.

"Aye," the Dragon said cheerfully, "And you're weird, but that's all right, I like you."

"Erm….I like you too," Lucy said hesitatingly.

Well….she would like him if she had a guarantee that he wasn't about to eat her or fry her like the many corpses that littered this tower.

"Great!" the Dragon cheered. "I'll keep you then."

"Keep me? What do you mean _keep me_?!" Lucy screeched indignantly. Did she look like she was some sort of toy to be kept? The Dragon didn't answer her; instead he just picked her up in one of his great, big, scaly, hands, and slowly moved. "Oi!" Lucy barked. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Let me down right now! I said _let me go_!"

"Hey, Happy!" the Dragon shouted ignoring her, "I found you a mother!"

"AYE!"

Oh God, what the hell has Lucy gotten herself into?

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Gray wondered if there was such thing as a normal princess.

Okay, he doesn't know many princesses, in fact Lucy being an heiress was the closest to one he knew, and she was a freaking weirdo, but this one, Princess Erza, really took the biscuit, and he wondered if any pretty, rich, girl is actually normal.

Princess Erza was a striking redhead, dressed like any princess would be, and for a brief moment before he had shaken her awake, she looked serenely beautiful. That was when the resemblance to any normal fairy tale princess ended and the weirdness started. First she punched him for not kissing her awake (surely she should be pleased that he didn't subject her to sexual harassment?) and now she was ranting on and on about….well crap.

"…You should sweep me off my feet out yonder a window and down a rope onto your valiant steed while you recite an epic poem to me," she carried on unaware that he was only just now paying her attention. "A romantic sonnet would be nice or perhaps a ballad about how you defeated the dragon in order to rescue me." He tensed at that. Princess Erza was already in a shitty mood with him but he was certain she would kill him if she found out he hadn't fought the dragon yet. Unfortunately she noticed, her dark eyes narrowed, and a horrible, evil, aura seemed to seep out from within her. "You have defeated the dragon, haven't you?" she growled.

"Erm …define defeat," Gray said as he started to edge away from the furious, and quite frankly terrifying, redhead, "because I find it such an ambiguous term, and my friend thought it would be better just to distract-"

He was interrupted by a loud roar and then a shrill shriek.

"Oh God, Lucy!" he burst out worriedly. _Crap!_ He knew should have taken more back up. Cana was going to kill him, and then Mirajane would bring him back and kill him again, and _Christ, _he didn't even want to think what Levy and Juvia would do to him after that. "I knew I shouldn't have left her on her own!"

"You brought a girl to my rescue?! Is she your wife? Your lover?" Princess Erza fumed. "Are you trying to start a harem? What sort of Prince Charming are you, you two-timing jerk?!"

"_The fuck?!"_ Gray snapped. "I'm not a prince, I'm just hired help from the lord that wants to marry you."

"Oh," Erza sighed in relief, and then slumped shamefully, "that's disappointing," she murmured. "I apologise for my behaviour, you may hit me in retribution."

"Hell no!" Gray barked. God knows what chaos Jellal would wreck on the guild because Gray had punched his bride. "And now's not the time, Lucy is in danger of being eaten by that fucking dragon of yours!"

Princess Erza nodded. "Of course," she summoned a sword out nowhere scaring the shit out of Gray. "Let's rescue your friend." She stormed off without him, definitely far too ready for battle.

This is definitely the last time Gray will ever volunteer to save a princess. It was too fucking weird for his sanity.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy wasn't sure how it happened but here she was laying on a pile of gold, with a gorgeous, if oblivious and rude, pink haired boy on top of her, tickling her! And a blue, talking, cat was sitting nearby offering encouragement!

"Please," she begged as tears ran down her cheeks, "stop!"

Natsu (aka the gorgeous, if oblivious and rude, pink haired boy, aka the Dragon) merely smirked. "Do you think I should stop, Happy?" he asked his pesky blue cat.

"No," Happy grinned, "I think you should tickle her till she pees herself."

"I ought to tear your whiskers off!" Lucy hissed menacingly.

"Ahhh Natsu!" Happy cried out. "Lucy's going to eat me!"

Natsu merely chuckled and returned to tickling Lucy mercilessly. No matter how much Lucy screamed, wiggled, and begged, he wouldn't relent until a redheaded swordswoman and Gray burst in with an ice sword in hand. "Lucy!" he yelled worriedly.

The redheaded swordswoman narrowed her eyes. "Natsu," she growled, "are you besmirching this fair maiden?"

"Err…"

"Prepare to die!"

Lucy screamed as she rolled out of the way of the redhead's sword. Natsu jumped up and ran as fast as he could while being chased by the madwoman. "Eek!" Happy screamed as he clung to Lucy's breasts for reason unknown. "Erza is angry again! She'll turn Natsu into a skeleton like she did to the others."

"Wait are you saying all of these bodies are Erza's doing and not Natsu?!"" Lucy shrieked.

"Aye," Happy said sagely, "Natsu prefers fish. Not humans."

It was then that Lucy and Gray decided it was best to leave the mad people alone and go home. Surely the Guild would understand once they explain everything to them. Unfortunately Natsu, Erza, and Happy took this as invitation to follow them, and after a mad few days they secretly wormed themselves into their hearts, and they failed the job indefinitely as Erza joined Fairy Tail instead of marrying Lord Jellal.

Gray had to endure Juvia's tears as she thought he had fallen for Erza (this lasted only five minutes as Erza proved otherwise with help of her swords), Lucy found herself living with a dragon and his talking cat (much to the mirth of EVERYONE), and Lord Jellal finally won the hand of Erza after some severe repenting on his behalf.

And they all lived happily ever after!


	2. The Consequences of Lying

**Summary: **Desperate to get Mira off her back about Natsu, Lisanna lies about her sexuality…this only makes things worse.

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lisanna, Lisanna/Lucy, Natsu/Lucy, Lucy/Gray, one-sided Lisanna/Edo-Natsu, one-sided Lisanna/Edo-Lucy, Edo-Natsu/Edo-Lucy, Lisanna/Bickslow, and one-sided Freed/Laxus. Most of it is all in Mira's head, I promise you!

**YouTube Prompt: **A Fairy Tail tribute to the song We Are by Ana Johnsson, after all the chorus itself '_What about the world today? What about the place we call home? We've never been so many, and we've never been so alone_' just seems to be made for the guild.

Lisanna was enjoying a very rare peaceful afternoon in the guild.

Either everyone was out on a job or nursing a hangover from last night's party that was in celebration of….well just because they can throw a party on a Tuesday if they so wish too. So here Lisanna lounged in a corner, milkshake in hand, and a large collection of Sorcerer Weekly for her to catch up on. Elfman nii-chan had saved all of Mira-nee's pictures and articles in many scrap books so there were a lot of holes in the old magazines.

It was then when Mira-nee decided to stir up some mischief. Perhaps because she was bored or perhaps because she had hoped to assert her matchmaking talents once more. "So, Lisanna…" she grinned, "how have you and Natsu been?"

Lisanna suppressed an urge to roll her eyes. Just yesterday she had overheard her sister trying to set Natsu and Lucy up and now she was trying to set the same bloke up with her? Consistency was definitely not her sister's strength. "Fine," she said cheerfully as possible, "we haven't had time to catch up properly still, what with me trying to catch up with everything, and Natsu going on jobs with Gray and Erza. Never thought I'd see that in a million years."

"It was a shock for us as well," Mira-nee agreed. "if you like I could set up some alone time with you and Natsu," it was then Mira-nee's smile turned into a sly smirk, "distract Happy, find a nice secluded corner, and perhaps a date will come out of it, ne?"

Lisanna grimaced. "I rather not," she confessed.

Mira-nee's smile vanished entirely. "Why not?"

Lisanna knew, right there and then, that if she told the truth, her sister will stop at nothing to set her up with another man she deemed compatible to Lisanna's change in taste. After all if Lisanna didn't want to go out on a date with someone because she out grew her silly crush then what's to stop her from going out with someone entirely different?

Lisanna wanted some time, like maybe _years_, with her siblings to make up for everything they had lost out on, before she started dating, and then hopefully get married, and have a baby or two.

So she decided on a lie.

"I'm in love with someone," she confessed, "someone in Edolas."

"Oh Lisanna!" Mira-nee cried out. "I'm sure Edo-Natsu and Natsu aren't that different really."

They weren't that different from one another which was partly why Lisanna moved on from Natsu. While Natsu was strong, confident, and incredibly mature during the more difficult scenarios, he was also incredibly childish. Meanwhile Edo-Natsu was quiet, confident only behind the wheel, and (as mean as it sounded) a total baby. Edo-Natsu exhibited Natsu's childishness in the worst light and it had thoroughly put her off. Oh she still loved him like she loved Elfman nii-chan! She wasn't _shallow_ or anything…..just not attracted to that sort of person. She discovered she liked dangerous, wild, types like a certain madman with a tattoo on his tongue…

"It wasn't Natsu!" Lisanna shouted, her cheeks were bright pink at her own thoughts. "It was someone else, and they were in a relationship, and I haven't been able to get over it!" she carried on her lie hastily before her sister could interrogate her.

"Who?" Mira-nee asked eagerly.

Oh crap….

"Erm…it was….ah….Edo-Lucy!"

Oh please God, if you are merciful, never, _never_, let Edo-Lucy find out that she had said this. The terrifying, leather-wearing, definitely the Edolas version of Erza, blonde would kill Lisanna if she knew about this. The last time someone _coughJetandDroycough_ made aspersions over her sexuality she had left them as a bloody pile of broken bones. And then proved them wrong by dragging Edo-Natsu into a cupboard but that was a whole different story…

"Oh my God!" Mira-nee squealed. "I never considered that! But then no one in the guild has ever shown any homosexual tendencies….well apart from Freed but sadly for him that seems to be entirely a one-sided thing. Shame I like those two together. But I wouldn't give up, Lisanna! Just because Edo-Lucy is unavailable it doesn't mean this Lucy is. I'm sure when given some time to get to know you she'll fall madly in love with you and you can have the most gorgeous civil partnership in the guild, Master will off-"

"_Mira-nee_!" Lisanna shrieked. The guild was now actually starting to get some people in including Macao, Wakaba, and Cana, if they all heard of this then she will never hear the end of this. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

"Oh right," Mira-nee winked, "we'll talk later."

She then hurried off to serve other customers much to Lisanna's relief. She sighed happily and returned to her reading. For the next hour she was able to finally relax, in between greeting random passer-by's, when Lucy and Natsu came in. Natsu immediately dived into a brawl with some of the other non-hung over blokes while Lucy strolled to the request board.

That was when Lisanna's lie started to backfire. "Ne, ne, Lucy," Mira-nee said slyly, "Have you thought of taking this job," she tapped her finger on a flyer. "I think it would suit you very much."

"But Mira, it's a job for two girls not two people!" Lucy protested.

Lisanna sunk low in her seat as she shakily held the old magazine up in order to hide her red face. She had a strong feeling that she knew where this was going…

"Ask Lisanna to go with you!" Mira-nee suggested brightly.

"Huh?"

Lisanna wondered if someone could kill her now before Mira-nee said anything else that could embarrass her.

"Lisanna," Mira-nee repeated, "you know, my gorgeous, intelligent, sweet, baby sister? You do think she's gorgeous, don't you?"

Too late.

"I-I suppose," Lucy stuttered.

"Excellent!" Mira-nee clapped her hands. "Well off you pop! Ask her nicely, perhaps with flowers, no one has ever gotten her flowers when she's alive, and find somewhere nice and safe to stay when you get there, oh and when you have some free time you should take her out somewhere special for dinner, somewhere with candles and violin music!"

"Erm…okay?"

Lisanna quickly looked for an escape route as Lucy approached her but unfortunately none could be found. Well…none that weren't guarded by Mira-nee. "Hi Lisanna," Lucy smiled shyly, "erm…Mira suggested that you might like to join me for this job-"

"It's okay, Lucy," Lisanna mumbled, "You don't have to take me. Mira-nee only suggested it because…." Oh God this was so embarrassing! But if she didn't tell Lucy now then Mira-nee will keep dropping hints to her until either one of them was in a relationship or dead, you know whichever came first, and Lucy didn't deserve the harassment. "Well…I erm lied about having a crush on you."

"EH?!" Lucy cried out, her eyes bulged out of their sockets. "_Why?_" she asked. Lisanna babbled an explanation as quickly and quietly as she could. She didn't think Lucy caught everything but surprisingly she seemed to understand immediately. "Oh I see," she nodded sagely, "Mira tried the same thing with me and Natsu….and me and Gray….and me and, well you get the picture," she smiled sheepishly, "don't worry, I'll be your beard for you," she winked, and Lisanna couldn't help but grin in return. Lucy was so nice and sweet, and so unlike her Edolas counterpart.

"Thank you so much!" she said fervently.

"You're welcome," Lucy smiled, "do you want to do this job with me anyway? It's a good reward and I'd like to get to know you some more."

"That would be nice," Lisanna smiled back shyly.

"All right then!" Lucy pumped a fist in the air. "I'll let Mira know and we'll leave as soon as possible."

As Lucy went to inform Lisanna's irritating, matchmaking, crazy, older, sister that they were taking the job, Lisanna got ready to go. With a wave goodbye to everyone, she and Lucy only just got outside the door when Mira-nee called out; "PRACTICE SAFE SEX!"

Both she and Lucy died of embarrassment as everyone whistled and cat-called after them.

You know, in hindsight, Lisanna was definitely better off telling her sister she was _asexual._


	3. A Drunken Proposition

**Summary: **When Lucy gets drunk it's up to Natsu, Erza, and Gray to take care of her. Some dialogue blatantly stolen from Big Bang Theory as it was the inspiration for this chapter.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lucy, Gray/Juvia, and implied Gray/Lucy if you squint.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to Gray with the song from the Diet Coke advert (you know which one I mean ;D).

When Fairy Tail got the lacrima message that Lucy was drunk in the park they were bewildered. After all this was _Lucy,_ when did she ever get drunk? Worried, Mirajane sent Natsu and Happy to find their blonde friend and bring her home. (Correctly) believing that the childish pair would be rather useless at the task Erza and Gray decided to tag along.

It took a while but eventually they found Lucy curled under a sakura tree while clutching a bottle of wine that looked almost empty.

"Lucy?" Erza voiced with concern.

"Oh look!" Lucy slurred brightly. She smiled warmly at the four of them. "It's Erza, Natsu, Gray, and Little Gray! Hi Little Gray!"

It was then when Erza and Natsu realised that Gray was completely, utterly, bare naked. When this had happened no one knows, not even Gray, who looked equally shocked and horrified, but the point remained he was completely naked in front of Lucy. And instead of reacting like she usually did (i.e. a kick in the face for Gray), she was looking at Gray as if he and 'Little Gray' were the most fascinating thing in the world.

The fact Natsu had spontaneously combusted into flames when he noticed this was purely coincidental. No matter _what _Happy says later. "GODDAMNIT, YOU ICE FREAK!" he roared. "_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?_!"

"GRAY PUT SOME CLOTHES ON _**NOW!**_" Erza snarled equally loud, and terrifying, as she emitted a dark, evil, petrifying aura.

"A-Aye," Gray stuttered as he desperately sought out his clothes.

(Unknown to everyone he wouldn't be able to find a single item of clothing as Juvia was cuddling them and murmuring (rather reverently) "Gray-sama", over and over again behind a nearby bush.)

Happy, as usual, was oblivious to the situation. He was too busy crying over the fact that Lucy didn't greet him as well. "Why do I never get counted?!" he wailed, and when no one answered in time (because Lucy was busy giggling at Gray, who was busy looking for his clothes, which of course distracted Erza and Natsu, who were both on the verge of killing Gray), he took off sobbing. _Someone_ in the guild will comfort him and tell the others off for being such big meanies!

Eventually Gray gave up searching for his clothes and had to endure wearing one of Erza's animal costumes, (Natsu would gleefully get Reedus to paint this beautiful memory of Gray wearing a pink fluffy bear suit later) and now that 'Little Gray' was put away, much to Lucy's pouting disappointment and Natsu's relief, they could focus on the drunk blonde who had finished one bottle of wine and started another.

"Lucy," Erza said as gently and motherly as possible….which wasn't that gentle or motherly, and definitely sent shivers down Gray and Natsu's spines as they suffered flashbacks. "What are you doing?"

"I'm drinking wine," Lucy said simply, "like Cana taught me to do when I'm sad."

They will be having words with Cana. Well….okay, Natsu will try and epically fail, Gray may get the point across before Cana did the embarrassing older sister act, and Erza may resort to more violent methods. Point is Cana should probably lay low for the next few days.

Natsu's eyes softened as he studied the miserable expression on Lucy's face. It had only been a few days since they discovered that her father had died. Died, waiting for her. "Oh, Luce," he murmured sympathetically.

Lucy was oblivious to the empathy coming from Natsu. Her face rapidly changed to a gleeful one as the alcohol she had been drinking put an idea in her head. "Ne, ne, Natsu," she said excitedly. "What would it take for you to buy a bottle of hooch, take me to the nearest hotel, and have your way with me?"

Natsu's jaw dropped to the floor and he may have turned into a statue. No one was quite sure as Erza's face turned a brilliant red that matched her hair and Gray burst out laughing.

"Yes Natsu," he smirked, "what _would _it take?"

"If you say anything less than marriage I will hack you to pieces," Erza threatened the pink haired dragon slayer, once she finally got her senses back, "if you so dare besmirch Lucy's virtue before making her your wife, I will ensure you will never have children," she carried on.

"Aye!" Natsu squeaked in agreement.

It was then decided that with Lucy's virtue in danger from both Natsu and Gray (in Erza's opinion) and with Erza's need to punish them for endangering it, Juvia will be the one to take Lucy home.

Which she did…after a very long detour which she took advantage of in order to tell Lucy, in great detail, exactly why Gray and Little Gray were off limits to the blonde.


	4. Happy is a Troll

**Summary: **I honestly thought this was what Happy was going to say in THAT scene in episode 179.

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lucy.

**YouTube Prompt: **Another Gray tribute to the song Leave Your Hat On by Tom Jones. Because any song about stripping is made for Gray, and now we have gorgeous, drool worthy, clips of him wearing Rufus' hat, this song is even more perfect for him.

"Where on earth did you get that from?!"

Lucy couldn't help but stare dumbly at the magazine spread that Natsu held up. It was a very old one that, at the time, she had been thrilled to take part of. Mirajane had asked her to do it after a particularly bad day and it had been the best of fun at the time. A week later when it had come out though Lucy quickly realised what a lot of perverts nearly every single male in Magnolia was and ended up hiding in her apartment for the rest of the month. Natsu hadn't seemed to be interested in at all so why, _why_, did he have a copy now of all times? You know, seven years after the photo shoot, in a deep dark cave labyrinth, where they might or might not die….it was just a very weird place to have a magazine.

"Oh," Happy said, with an evil glint in his eyes, "don't you know Lucy?"

"Know what?" Lucy asked.

Happy smirked and Lucy couldn't help but feel dread from the pit of her stomach. What on earth was Happy up to?

"That Natsu had that magazine in his pocket since he brought it."

"But that magazine is seven years old!" Lucy protested.

"Aye!" Happy nodded with sage agreement. "He keeps looking at it with a really weird look on his face, and some times, _some times_, he plays with himself while looking at it."

"_**LUCY KICK**_!"

Yukino and Wendy looked on in horror as Natsu soared across the labyrinth and smacked, face first, into a particularly rocky, very sharp rocks, wall. Lily merely shook his head at the antics of his guild, wishing once again that Gajeel was here so he can have some normal company, while Charle eyed Happy in disgust for making such crude implications in front of her charge. Natsu groaned from the floor and struggled to get back up onto his hands and knees.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Wendy asked.

It was then that Yukino realised Mira had transformed into one of her terrifying demon battle armours and her hand was glowing purple. Less said, about the horrifyingly evil expression on her face, the better. Lucy had now pulled out her whip and was fingering it in a rather menacing way…

"I think it's safer if we stay here," Yukino said.

"Wise choice," Lily said approvingly.

"Honestly!" Charle muttered still disgusted.

Eventually Mira and Lucy had vented out their rage on Natsu, who was now nothing but a pile of blood, bones, and clothes. Slowly, so very slowly, he manages to crawl towards Wendy for some healing.

"Why Happy?" Natsu croaked. "Why did you lie?"

"Eh," Happy shrugged, "I was bored."


	5. Hoarding Lucy

**Summary: **Based on the Fanfiction cliché of marrying out of convenience and then falling in love. Although instead of a modern setting where the characters are a bit OOC, this is set in the actual plot. So Natsu doesn't want anyone else to have Lucy but himself.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lucy! Some implied Lisanna/Natsu, Loke/Lucy, Gray/Juvia, Gajeel/Levy, Gray/Cana, Juvia/Lucy friendship, Lucy/Cana friendship, overprotective spirits/Lucy friendship, and I have said this is a Natsu/Lucy fic, right?

**Author's Note: **This chapter is dedicated to Tsubaki394 whose kind reviews, support, and delightful conversations had kept me inspired. Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy this.

Natsu knew two things the moment he laid eyes on Lucy Heartfilla.

The first, was instinct, she was his mate. End of. Period. No arguments. He just knew it, from the way she smelt, to the way she made his heart skip, and the way she smiled at him, this was the soul mate Igneel had told him about.

The second thing was that this woman is gorgeous.

Too gorgeous. Not adorable like Levy, or terrifyingly so like Erza or Evergreen, or trashy gorgeous like Cana, or even whatever it is that Laki was considered, she was _Mirajane_ material. Magazine pinup, and that meant every pervert in the guild (i.e. every guy in the guild including Gramps and Gildarts) will be all over her the moment he took her home.

If he was going to keep his mate, he was going to have to lay a claim on her that will deter the likes of Gray and Loke.

And that's why, once they were safe from the council's army, he dropped her hand and blurted out, stupidly so,

"If you want to join Fairy Tail, you have to marry me first!"

Both Lucy and Happy gawked at him comically. Their mouths dropped to the floor, their eyes bulging out of their sockets, and in unison they screeched: "**EH**?!" he seriously had to fight back the urge to laugh in their faces.

Something told him Lucy wouldn't take it kindly if he laughed at her right now.

"What….what….you…I….urgh!" Lucy's stutters ended with an enraged shriek as her face flushed a bright pink. "Do you seriously have any idea what you're asking from me?"

"…Yes."

"LUCY KICK!"

"Oof!" Natsu had grabbed hold of the foot that almost smacked him in the face, but it had caused Lucy to lose her balance, and together they went crashing onto the floor. "What the hell was that for?!" he bellowed. He was rather hurt that she tried to fucking kick him in the face!

"I don't want anything to do with your perverted schemes!" Lucy wailed as she squirmed beneath him. "I'm a good girl!"

"I don't want anything perverted!" Natsu snapped back. "I just want a wife. Someone to cook, clean, go on missions with, and help me look after Happy."

And more, but that can come later. He was a possessive, not-so-smart, dragon slayer. Not some creepy pervert who will force himself on any girl, willy-nilly.

"You just want to play house?"

"It's not _playing_!" Natsu argued. Playing house was what he did as a child with Lisanna, in their little straw house they built together, and that wasn't what he wanted with Lucy. "It's _real_. I have a house that needs cleaning-"

"Understatement of the century," Happy muttered.

Gee, thanks Happy. As if he didn't contribute to the mess in their house.

"- and I could use someone who can cook," Natsu carried on ignoring his blue friend, "and Happy could definitely use a mother."

"Aye!" Happy chirped in agreement.

Lucy nibbled her lip and Natsu couldn't help but grin. She was considering it. He just knew it! "What about _love_?" she asked. "What about hand holding, sharing a bed, and kissing, and making babies of our own? That's all real too."

"Kissing and making babies can wait till we're older," Natsu decided. "We've already held hands and it's cheaper to have one bed than two."

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I'll marry you."

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

It was a nice wedding. Not the one that Lucy had dreamed of, _oh definitely not!_ After all she had dreamed of a beautiful white gown, a groom that had swept her off her feet, and crowds of friends (that had yet to exist) watching her make the commitment of a lifetime. Her father was supposed to be there, giving her away, and then telling her, for the first time ever, that he was proud of her.

None of that happened and yet Lucy found as she stared at the childish, grinning, face of her groom, she didn't need it to happen.

Any other sensible person would think she was insane to agree to marry someone just to get into a guild. They would think she was selfish, and they would be right. Oh she had other reasons for marrying this boy. It wasn't just about getting into Fairy Tail (though that was one of her biggest desires along with getting more keys, writing a successful novel, and being free to live her life as she pleased). It was about safeguarding herself from her father.

She hadn't heard from him in the last ten months since she ran away but she wouldn't be surprised if one day he tracked her down and took her back.

Took her back in order to throw her at some man to make a business deal. She would be married already if her father had his way. So what better way to ruin his plans of controlling her life than to already be married?

And Natsu wasn't bad. He was really sweet. He was offering her a _home _and a _family_, and that was everything she could want in a marriage. It may be playing house and it might have consequences later, but in all honestly she couldn't see it being worse than what her father might have in store for her.

It took some time to find some witnesses, a pair of rather cheap rings, and a priest willing to do the ceremony but it was a nice, quick, and rather sweet wedding.

Happy cried. Lucy didn't know him well but she didn't think he cried that easily so it must have been nice.

And when the priest said; "You may kiss the bride," Natsu had shyly ducked down and kissed her cheek sloppily.

She had still been blushing when they finally arrived at Fairy Tail a day later (having held hands the entire way – Natsu insisted).

When they reached the door of the guild, Natsu dropped her hand, kicked the door open, and then the next thing Lucy knew he disappeared into a brawl. That was pretty much when her life went from weird to _fucking insane_.

Lucy wasn't sure what to do. One minute she was having a conversation with her hero, Mirajane (yes _the _Mirajane! Lucy was surprised she didn't swoon out of sheer joy), and then the next the beautiful girl was knocked out beneath a table, and some naked guy has appeared before her.

"Excuse me, Madam," the naked guy all but purred, seriously he had a gorgeous voice that matched his handsome face and far too perfectly chiselled body (_was this guy even real_?), "but could you lend me your underwear?"

Lucy screamed and would have punched the pervert if Natsu hadn't gotten there first.

"Hands off of my wife!" he roared.

And that was when the guild went silent for the first time since Lucy arrived. Deathly silent. _Dangerously_ silent. In fact, Lucy began to fear the world was ending, because she had a strong suspicion it was unnatural for Fairy Tail to be this quiet. The naked guy appeared to have turned to stone out of shock, as did other members of the guild, the alcoholic girl spat out her beer, the mousy brown haired man choked on his cigarette, and a small old man fainted from the top of the balcony.

Lucy held her breath as she waited for some sort of reaction. _Oh God!_ What if they don't like her? What if they don't approve? What if they agree that she's not good enough to not only be Natsu's wife but to be a member of Fairy Tail? She was going to end up tar and feathered, wasn't she? _Wasn't she?!_

"_**WHAT?!"**_

(Somewhere far, far, away, Gildarts jumped. For a moment he was sure he just heard all of his favourite kids scream.)

"Y-your wife?" the naked guy stuttered.

"Yes, ice brain!" Natsu snapped. "My wife. Not yours. So keep your perverted, naked, self away from her."

"I wouldn't be naked if you haven't nicked my boxers, you flaming moron!"

"_What was that_?"

Natsu and the naked guy started to fight again, many people broke out into whispers as they stared at Lucy (which was freaking her out a bit), Mirajane ran to make some calls (something about having to tell Erza), and the tiny old man recovered, and started to examine her.

"Erm," she blushed under his intense stare, "hi."

"Eh," he chuckled, "how cute. So how exactly did you meet our boy, Natsu? And what caused you to agree to marry him?"

She mumbled an explanation that caused him to laugh, congratulate Natsu, and pat her on the bottom.

"Oi, Gramps!" Natsu barked. "Keep your perverted hands to yourself!"

"Natsu married her," a ginger boy (she later recognised him as Loke who had been on her potential boyfriend list) bemoaned, "what a waste of such beauty!"

Despite it being so overwhelming, Lucy couldn't help but smile. She was really going to like it here in Fairy Tail.

(And as Natsu slings an arm round her shoulders, wrinkles his nose at her choice of colour for her mark, and Happy calls her weird, she knows she definitely made the right choice. No matter what.)

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Macao barely had time to recover when Natsu suddenly punches him. Punches him very hard, in the face, may have broken his cheek bone. "Ow!" he yelped. "What the hell was that for, Natsu?" he moaned as he rubbed his face.

"That," Natsu growled, as he emitted a dark, terrifying, aura that Macao had only ever seen coming from Erza before, "was for kidnapping my wife, you perverted monkey!"

"Honestly, Natsu," a cute blonde girl sighed, "if you keep punching guys for flirting with me, there won't be many left."

"Wow," Happy said, "you have a really big ego, Lucy."

"_What was that?_" Lucy growled.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!_ Natsu, Lucy is going to eat me alive!"

Macao watched as the beautiful blonde girl chased after the silly blue cat. "You do realise," he said to the kid he had always considered his student, "that wife isn't some sort of food, right?"

Natsu looked at him as if he was a moron. Which was incredibly insulting by the way. "Yes," he said slowly.

"Then how the _hell _did you land a bird like that?"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

It wasn't so bad being married to Natsu.

In fact after the first couple days, (which had been hell in that disgusting pit that Natsu called home) Lucy, Natsu, and Happy had settled into a perfect little routine together. They went on jobs, earned money, spent days renovating the house while Lucy cleaned, and Happy ate fish. They went on more jobs, they worked on the house, they lived in harmony….well sort of.

For starters Natsu had a terrible habit of entering the bathroom while she was bathing. This often resulted in him being kicked so hard he often flew back into the town over the forest.

Happy like to make mean comments sometimes, or make an uncomfortable observation, or just annoy Lucy in general. She learnt that if she caught him quickly she could administer a violent lesson that would keep him quiet for a few days. Then it starts up again…._urgh._

Then the entire guild took it upon them to invade their home and spy on them. Gray often left rather beaten up, not by Natsu (though he certainly got a few punches in), but by Lucy who banned stripping in her home. Then there was Erza who ate all her sweet food, rummaged through her underwear drawer (her cheeks matching her brilliant red hair), and ask very personal questions while beating up Lucy's poor, might actually deserve some of the beatings, husband. And many other members tend to pop their head round and have a nose round. It was like they were trying to catch Lucy and Natsu doing something, and it made Lucy very, very uncomfortable.

And not to mention how the missions go. Overall they went fine despite the fact that Natsu would occasionally be a bit too protective, to the point that Lucy felt like he was breathing down her neck, and there was always the motion sickness to deal with. But a couple of them were incredibly dangerous, like the illegal jaunt they took which Natsu purposely picked the one with a zodiac key as a reward in order to persuade her to come (and he blackmailed her by using their vows; "Come on Luce, you promised to honour and obey, and you said yourself a celestial mage never breaks their word."). They almost die, they end up in awkward situations, and they always end up on the run from someone. It was _exhausting._

But overall it was wonderful. Lucy would wake up in a warm bed, wrapped in Natsu's arms, and Happy usually snuggled in the smallest of gaps between them. They often cuddled for a good hour as they struggled to wake up, and then once alive, they would either stay in and work on the house, or go to the guild to beg breakfast (the problem with being broke half the time) and look for a job. If they weren't on a job they definitely spent some hours at the guild, Natsu brawling, Lucy gossiping or writing or reading, while Happy stirred up trouble for everyone else. And then they returned home, have dinner, which was often thanked now by sloppy kisses on the cheeks (Happy refuses to kiss Natsu but he has no problems rubbing his nose against Lucy's cheek when she serves fish for dinner), and then they would train, or relax, or play around, before exhaustion took over, and soon enough they were curled up back in bed, with Lucy being held, warm, safe, and feeling far too loved for her own good, and Happy squashed in between, purring his contentment.

It was perfect.

Too bad her father ruined it all.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy wanted to get this over as quickly as possible.

The past few days had been hell. First, the guild had been destroyed, then Levy and her friends had been brutally attacked, and then Lucy had been kidnapped by the people that committed these heinous acts. That was when it was revealed to her that all of this chaos, this destruction of her home, and pain of her friends, had all been _her _fault. Her father wanted her home. It took him a little over a year to do this, and now he had, he ruined the life she built.

Any ordinary person might forgive her then, for throwing herself off a tower in order to escape such a man (and the creep he hired), but Natsu was never just any ordinary person, and he had been furious with her for being so reckless.

Happy had wept which just added to all the guilt.

Not that she had time to feel guilty as she was kidnapped by her own guild (never again was she going to trust Mira!), then attacked, and then kidnapped again by Phantom Lord (this was becoming an uncomfortable habit that she didn't want), then brutally beaten up, just so the arsehole could have a fight with her husband, and then when it was finally all over, she was questioned by the council till she could cry out of exhaustion.

After brooding in the home she, Natsu, and Happy had built together, and writing a very long letter to her mother, Lucy decided she would confront her father and tell him once and for all to leave her and her family alone.

She snuck out in the middle of the night (because she knew Natsu would never let her leave otherwise), after she pressed a kiss on her husband's warm forehead (for luck and nothing else! Keep your mind out the gutter, you perverts!), and took the long journey back to the Heartfilla estate.

She had been so tired by the time she arrived that she didn't protest at all when she was dragged inside, forced into a bath, and then dressed into one of her disgustingly frilly gowns.

Finally she was shown into her father's study. He stood there before her, cold, distant, and intimidating as ever. "You have finally return home, I see," he said curtly.

"Yes."

"I hope you have learnt your lesson."

"Yes," she said, "I should have never left without telling you."

"Very good," he nodded. "I'm glad you have acknowledge your foolishness. Now then. I have called you back for some very important business. I have arranged a marriage for you with the Duke-"

"You seem to misunderstand me, Father," she interrupted, "I did not say that _what I did_ was foolish. Merely that I should have told you I was leaving. I did not come back to you for anything than to apologise for not telling you, and to say a few other things as well, besides," she took a deep breath and thought of Natsu, of his bravery, and kindness, and then smiled to herself, "I cannot marry this man."

"You will because I said so," her father snapped. "And because it is your duty as the heir to the Heartfilla business. You will wed this man to bring the much needed connections to our family, and then you will bed him, and birth a male heir for both families."

Lucy's eye twitched a little at that but she remained a calm as her mother would have wanted her to. "You don't seem to understand Father," she said coolly, "I didn't say I _won't_ but _cannot._" She held up her left hand on which her cheap wedding ring sat proudly on her ring finger. "I am already married, and my husband is the jealous type."

"You…." Her father seemed lost for words. For a brief moment that was as his face turned from shock to sheer fury. "_How dare you?_" he hissed. "How dare you be so ungrateful that you not only runaway but you throw any opportunity for a good life away without any consideration of others."

"I haven't thrown any opportunity for a good life away," Lucy said calmly, "I've taken every opportunity fate has handed me. I am now a Fairy Tail mage, I have a home, I have a caring husband, and more importantly I have the family you never gave me. I couldn't be happier." She then narrowed her eyes at him. "Besides, we both know when you say others, you are only talking about yourself."

"You think you're safe because you're married?" her father snarled. "You think I won't put every ounce of my resources to ruin your husband and your guild?"

It was then when Lucy snapped and ripped the hideous dress she was wearing off of her. "I am not 'Lucky' Lucy Heartfilla anymore. I am Lucy Dragneel of Fairy Tail, and there is nothing I won't do to protect my guild," she declared passionately. "Hurt them and I will pay you back a hundred times. Goodbye Father. We will not see each other again."

And with that she waltzed out with her head held up high. She, of course, went back to her old bedroom to change back into her clothes, and then paid her final respects to her mother's grave.

That was when she heard Natsu.

"LUCY!"

She turned to see Natsu and Happy running towards her (well Happy was flying). She blinked and rubbed her eyes as she realised Natsu was crying, Natsu had only cried once in front of her, and that was when he told her about Lisanna his childhood best friend, she thought she would never see him cry again. Before she could say a word, Happy flew into her chest and almost knocked the wind out of her, and Natsu grabbed hold of her and definitely knocked the wind out of her and he crushed her to his chest (Happy suffocated a little).

"I know I'm a rubbish husband, and you're feeling guilty about the guild, but please don't leave!" Natsu yelled directly in her ear. Ouch…that was going to leave damage for the next couple days. "I'll do _anything!_ My own laundry, I'll pick up after myself, cook dinner more often, I'll even pick an easy job for you the next time we need money, but please don't go!"

"Natsu, Natsu, calm down," she tried to pull away but he only held on tighter. "I'm not leaving you."

"_You're not?_!"

"Of course not!" she snapped indignantly. "I'm a celestial mage and we keep our word, remember? I vowed to stay with you till death do us part. Not getting rid of me that easily."

Natsu slumped in relief, and it was suddenly Lucy's turn to wrap her arms round him and hold him upright. "Then why did you go?" he asked.

"I needed to tell my father to back off."

"_Alone?_"

"It was something I had to do," she said simply.

Any other guy may have questioned that, argued against her logic, and make her feel guilty for scaring them. Natsu, however, was never any other guy, and he merely nodded understandingly, and pulled away to take her hand.

"Let's go home," he said.

She smiled at him. "Yes, let's."

"We'll get fish, right?" Happy asked as he floated beside her. "Because seeing as you were a big meanie making us believe you were gone and all, and then you tried to kill me, I think I deserve lots, and lots of fish."

"We'll have fish," Lucy indulged the blue cat.

"YAY!"

Lucy soon found herself having to give in each and every one of Natsu's and Happy's whims that evening as punishment for scaring them.

So, of course, she snapped and kicked the pair of them out of the window before the night was out.

(But she said absolutely nothing when they crawled back into bed and were a little more clingy than usual.)

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

When Loke became one of Lucy's spirits, things got a little messy. Natsu stood there, glowered at the ginger menace that he had hoped to keep Lucy away from, not bonded to in a way he could never be, while the lion spirit glared back.

"Erm…" Lucy mumbled, she glanced at Natsu, and then back at Loke, which did nothing for Natsu's temper. She must have noticed as she immediately slumped into a corner, all depressed, and blue. "I don't know what's going on!" she moaned to Happy.

"Aye," Happy agreed. "After all, you're not that special, Lucy."

"_What was that you shitty cat?!"_

"As Lucy's spirit, and the leader of the zodiac, I am in charge of her wellbeing," Loke declared pompously. "And I am here to say that I don't approve of you."

"Why the hell should I care?!" Natsu barked.

"Because I can make your life miserable."

"I like to see you try!"

"So unrefined," Loke sniffed, "Lucy, my love, if you ever get bored of playing house with this child, I am always at your service to satisfy you in _any desire_ you may have." At this point, Loke had dropped the overprotective guardian act in favour of the playful flirt he actually was. Lucy was certain he did this just to irritate Natsu more than anything.

And it worked. Natsu very cheerfully broke Loke's nose in retaliation, and that's when a full on fight between her lion spirit and her dragon husband started.

Lucy stopped chasing Happy at this point in order to take cover behind the sofa. She and Happy had a policy of staying out of most of Natsu's fights unless he needed help or it got far too out of hand.

Then one of the two morons shattered her brand new lamp, and all hopes of staying out of it flew out of the window.

"OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU TWO IDIOTS!" She screamed. When they looked like they might argue, Natsu even opened his mouth and began to whine, she shot them her deadliest glare. "**NOW!"** she snarled ferociously.

"A-Aye!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

After the situation with the Tower of Heaven, Juvia finally joined Fairy Tail. _Thank God!_ Lucy sincerely hoped this meant no more stalking the team whenever they were out on a mission. She didn't hold out much hope though, Juvia was infatuated with Gray to a disturbing level. She had also decided, for reasons unknown to Lucy, that Lucy was her only friend in Fairy Tail. Or at least her only female friend.

"Dragneel-san!" Juvia cried out as she hugged Lucy by the side. She always called Lucy by her surname since the moment she found out Lucy was married. Lucy would like to say it was out of respect but that was utter bullshit and everyone at the guild knew it. Juvia called her by her married surname as a reminder to Gray that Lucy was taken. God knows why Juvia would think Gray would care, but oh well. There were worse habits for Juvia to pick up. Like kidnapping Lucy repeatedly. "Juvia was hoping that Dragneel-san could help her with moving into the girl dormitories and decorating her new room!"

"Of course," Lucy said as she struggled to escape Juvia's strangle hold. "What are friends for?"

"Thank you, Dragneel-san!" Juvia clasped her hands together happily, finally letting Lucy free to breathe, "Juvia is so lucky to have such a good friend for her only friend."

"O-only friend?" Lucy asked horrified. "Haven't the others tried befriending you yet?"

"Oh no!" Juvia shook her head. "Everyone at Fairy Tail has been very kind to Juvia even though Juvia doesn't deserve it, and Gajeel-kun is Juvia's friend, sort of, but Dragneel-san is Juvia's only female friend, and will always be Juvia's only female friend."

"Don't think like that!" Lucy scolded the blue haired water mage. "I'm sure the others will become your friend once you get to know them."

"Juvia doesn't think like anything," Juvia explained patiently, "Juvia knows she will not make friends with other females because Juvia wouldn't want to be friends with her potential love rivals," at this her eyes gleamed a rather manic gold.

Lucy sweat dropped and ended up spending the rest of her afternoon that most of the girls weren't interested in Gray.

Fortunately she had the full support of Mirajane, Erza, Levy, Laki, and Bisca, who all passionately argued their lack of interest in the stripper.

Unfortunately the girls' arguments was immediately made invalid as a drunken Cana decided now was the right time to shove her tongue down Gray's throat.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

"Ne, Natsu, look at this."

Lucy waved a poster in front of Natsu's face. He grabbed hold of his wife's wrist firmly, so he would be able to squint at the paper and read it. After what was quite a while (Lucy was beginning to lose her patience, he could tell, she was tapping her foot, and her free hand went to rest on her hip) he managed to make out the words to gather the gist of the poster, and scowled. "What do you need to enter in a beauty contest for?" he asked.

"Well the money would be-"

"What do we need the money for?" Natsu demanded to know. "The house is finished," well it wasn't completely furnished but they had the two bedrooms, a proper kitchen, and a nice bathroom like Lucy wanted. Not that that second bedroom got used often, Happy much preferred to snuggle between Natsu and Lucy, but Lucy insisted one day in the future Happy will want his own room. God knows why. "We have enough for food this month, and if we needed something else, we can easily take a job. Not enter a _beauty contest_," he spat out the last two words. They tasted disgusting in his mouth, like the worst fire ever.

He didn't want her to be standing on stage while men like Macao and Wakaba eyed her up. He's been to these things before, all the Fairy Tail perverts call out rude things, and whistle, and make crude suggestions. He wasn't going to let any of them do that to his wife.

Lucy flushed. "I just thought it might be fun."

"I think it's a waste of time," Natsu said, shaking his head, "why hold a contest for something I already know?"

"Oh," Lucy looked annoyed, "and what do you already know?"

"That you're the prettiest girl here."

It came out mumbled but Lucy caught it, and she blushed a brighter pink as Natsu's own cheeks turned red. Happy, however, sniggered. "He liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes you," he taunted the blonde, "Though I think he's wrong. It's obvious Mira is the prettiest!"

"LUCY KICK!"

Natsu was pleased to say that Lucy obeyed his wishes, and sat out of the contest in order to sit with him and cheer the others on, and he was even happier to say that this meant Lucy was safe from Evergreen when the bitch decided to turn all the contestants into stone.

He was smug when it was his wife that kicked Evergreen's arse, with the help of Loke who blinded her and allowed Lucy the time to knock her out with her whip, and saved the girls.

He was boasting, despite the pain, when he got to kick Laxus' help (though grudgingly that was a team effort with Gajeel of all people!).

But honestly? The highlight of his day was Lucy tending to his wounds while scolding him. Her big brown eyes were on him, filled with concern, and she smiled at him like he was an idiot (which she certainly had no problem telling him), and he loved the fact her attention was solely on him.

He grinned like an idiot throughout the whole parade and none of Happy's teasing brought him down.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Since Loke had re-joined the spirit world, Lucy's spirits have taken to vocalising their opinion of Natsu. Which was rather negative apart from Virgo (who was the only one who has expressed indifference…and has made matching outfits for the married couple, so that had to mean she was on Team Natsu), and yes that meant even _Plue_ disapproved of their marriage….according to Happy. Maybe he should take that one seriously seeing as Happy was a bit of a trickster.

These three new spirits were no different.

"I agree with Aquarius, We Are," Scorpio said as he eyed Natsu disdainfully, "You're not worthy of Lucy."

Natsu's eye twitched.

"Since we cannot transform into you, we cannot see what is in your mind," Gemini said in Lucy's body. They didn't look right while masquerading as her. Something about the eyes were different, Un-Lucy like, and she didn't smell like Lucy either. "And therefore we cannot trust you with Lucy."

His body was now twitching alongside with his eye.

"I'm sorry," Aries squeaked, "You seem nice, but Leo-nisan says you're unworthy, untrustworthy, and too noisy and violent for Lucy, I'm sorry! But I kinda have to agree….sorry!"

And then he lost it.

"WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT _WORTHY_?!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Gajeel was depressed….well okay, no one else noticed because he always was, but it had become a little more noticeable when he kept coming into the guild covered in scratches. Ever since Wendy's arrival he had been extra gloomy, and all because he didn't have a cat.

Why did Salamander and the kid get cats but he _doesn't_? It wasn't _fair!_ To make things worse, Salamander even had _a wife_. He was a _fucking moron,_ how did _that_ happen?!

Determined to not be left out entirely. Gajeel decided to suck it up, and ask his mate to marry him before the kid suddenly got herself a husband, and he became the only dragon slayer in the guild that didn't have a cat or a spouse. "Oi! Shrimp!" he yelled across the guild. "Be my wife."

Shrimp's two sidekicks screamed and cried at that. Others gasped and whispered amongst themselves, while Mirajane and Salamander's wife both face palmed.

Gajeel just smirked as he waited for a response.

The answer was not what he was expecting….or the one he wanted.

"LEVY KICK!"

_Damn Salamander's wife_! He cursed as he flew out of the guild's roof, she just _had _to teach the Shrimp that particular move!

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

"You're married and not to Lisanna?!"

Natsu blinked at his mentor. Gildarts had recently returned from his three year long quest, badly injured, and exhausted, but Natsu was determined to introduce Lucy to him. Just as he was determined to introduce Lucy to Igneel when he finally finds that lizard bastard. "Why would I marry Lisanna?" he asked confused.

"Well, it's just that you two were sooooooooooooooo cute as kids," Gildarts said, "what with playing house and how you rescued her, and everything."

"Lisanna was like a sister," Natsu wrinkled his nose, "Lucy is my wife."

"Natsu?" Lucy called as she peered round Gildarts' front door, "Can I come in now? It's starting to rain."

"Yeah, sure," Lucy stepped in and Natsu happily wrapped an arm round her shoulders, "Gildarts, this is my wife, Lucy. Luce, this is Gildarts."

"Well, hello gorgeous," Gildarts said as he took Lucy's hand and kissed it, his eyes seemed very much glued to Lucy's chest much to Natsu's irritation. "I see why you married her instead of Lisanna. I wouldn't mind a pair of those, myself."

"Oi!" Natsu socked Gildarts one in the fact. Unfortunately he broke nothing. "Put your eyes back in, you perverted old man!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy couldn't help but feel a little sick when Lisanna returned.

Sure, Natsu had no romantic feelings for the pretty take-over mage, but that didn't mean she didn't have feelings for him. After all she asked to marry him, for Christ sake!

It was then, she realised with a groan, that she knew she had fallen in love with him. At some point from him demanding to marry her, and now as she tried to celebrate Lisanna's return with the guild, she had fallen madly in love with him. How did she not notice till now? After all she had been flustered around him for a while. What with all the blushing when he was shirtless, and how she reached for his hand more often than he did, and the hugs, and the kisses becoming more and more regular (just pecks on the forehead, or cheek, and once accidentally on the lips – _Happy's fault!_), and she even considered what their children would be like at one point before the whole Nirvana incident!

She watched, carefully, not just so she wouldn't be caught but so she wouldn't come across jealous. She didn't want anyone to tease her….because they so would! Especially Natsu, or Gray, or Mira, or Gajeel, and definitely Happy.

Lisanna glanced her way, and smiled. Lucy looked away quickly, and swore silently! Crap, she didn't want to look like a mad woman. "Hey!" Lisanna said sweetly appearing out of nowhere. Lucy may or may not have screamed and jumped out of her seat. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah," Lucy squeaked and stuttered at the same time, "I'm fine, you?"

"I'm good," Lisanna giggled, "I'm sorry. It's just that…you're so different from the Lucy I knew."

"Not that different," Natsu grumbled. Lucy rolled her eyes as Lisanna giggled again, Natsu was obviously still sore about the fact that Edo! Lucy, Lucy, and Gemini had all ganged up on him and teased him to near tears.

"Natsu, go away," Lisanna ordered, "I want to get to know Lucy."

"But-"

"Now!"

"But-"

"Natsu," Lucy snapped, "_Go_!"

He did so but not without grumbling, pouting, and sulking. Lucy sighed knowing that she'd have to make it up to him later. And then probably have to buy a lot of fish for Happy.

"You want to know something?" Lisanna said, still smiling sweetly, "In Edolas, Lucy joined Fairy Tail first." Lucy's eyes widened at that. _She _joined Fairy Tail first? She couldn't imagine that at all. Mainly because Natsu had joined when he was about eleven, and when she was at that age she was trying to learn magic and obey her father's wishes to be the perfect daughter. "And when it was time for Natsu to join, she wouldn't show him the way until he promised to be hers."

"_Really?!"_

"Yep," Lisanna nodded, "they were only fourteen at the time but she pretty much made him promise to marry her when they're older, and _he did_!"

"How, erm, romantic?"

"_Isn't it just?_!" Lisanna squealed, and Lucy suddenly saw a great resemblance to Mira. There was definitely a romantic bone in all of the Strauss siblings. "Unfortunately their wedding was very rushed, what with Knightwalker hunting us, but it was still nice. What was your wedding like?"

"Erm, it was….nice," Lucy concluded much to Lisanna's disappointment. "Simple, and sweet, and….we weren't in love when we married!" she confessed quietly and quickly.

"But are now, right?" Lucy's blush was answer enough as Lisanna grinned at her radiantly. "Perhaps one day you will renew your vows?" she suggested.

"Perhaps," Lucy agreed.

"And I can totally be a bridesmaid, right?"

Well…at least Lucy knew she had no reason to be jealous anymore.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy was proud that her husband had been nominated to be S-Class, honestly, she was, but she was a little miffed that he picked Happy to be his partner for the exam. She couldn't help but feel a little left out. All the Strauss siblings were going, Juvia was going, Levy was going, Erza and Gray were going, _even one of her own spirits was going as someone's partner!_ Then she found Cana unconscious, drunk, and in the cold, and she opened up to Lucy about her secrets and why she was thinking of leaving Fairy Tail, and suddenly Lucy found herself volunteering to help her. She wanted to help her….and she really didn't want to sit in her house alone. There were Vulcans in the forest surrounding it and she didn't like her chances without Natsu.

Natsu had been so busy training with Happy (or being tortured by Happy, she wasn't sure which one was more accurate) that he hadn't noticed that she was training with Cana, and packing. So when she turned up, bag in hand, at the docks. Natsu was a little confused.

"Luce, what are you doing here?" he asked. "I didn't forget anything, did I?"

"Apart from saying goodbye, no," Lucy said coolly.

She was a little miffed that he left while she had been sleeping. If she wasn't going she would have made him sleep on that stupid hammock he still had in revenge. "Oh, sorry," he suddenly hunkered down to her level and kissed the corner of her lips, "wish me luck?" he asked childishly innocent.

"I'm sorry but I can't," she said as she tried to get rid of her blush, "it would go against my partner's chances of beating you."

He blinked. "Wait…._what?"_

Cana then chose that moment to wrap her arms round Lucy. "She's mine, now Dragneel," she taunted him with a wink, "and I think we'll prove the better team."

Natsu looked like he was about to explode….and then he did. Face bright red, finger pointed at Cana, and smoke literally pouring out of his ears, he roared; "YOU'RE NOT PUTTING MY WIFE IN DANGER! GO AND PICK ANOTHER PARTNER!"

"Natsu," Happy sweat dropped, "it's too late, and we're boarding the boat any minute."

"You think Cana and I won't manage by ourselves?" Lucy snarled angrily as she jumped on the 'my wife in danger' bit. Did he think of her as some weakling that couldn't fend for herself? Sure, she had been kidnapped, jumped off a tower, and occasionally been overwhelmed by the bad guy, but that didn't mean she _always _needed rescuing. "Well you're wrong! I bet you anything Cana and I will kick your arses in these exams, and you'll be grovelling for forgiveness."

"Well I bet that not only will I beat everyone at this exam but I'll have to save your butt as well!" Natsu shot back.

"Oh really!" Lucy fumed. "Well in that case if I'm right you'll have to do every chore in the house for a whole month."

"And when I win," Natsu said arrogantly, "you'll have to cook Happy and me a thirteen course meal and serve it to us in your maid's uniform."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

They whirled round and crossed their arms as Happy floated between them depressed. "Oi, lovebirds," Gray yelled, "quit bickering and get on this boat before we leave without you."

"GRAY!" everyone shouted. "CLOTHES!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

When Natsu found out that Lucy and Cana had kicked Bickslow and Freed's arses, he had a sinking feeling he was going to lose the bet. They were cheerful, all fired up for the next battle, and in Lucy's case, very smug. While he was down in the dumps with his confrontation with Gildarts. He wasn't so sure he was going to pass this at all.

And then they got sent off to find some grave. "Oi! Gramps!" he yelled. "Give us some sort of clue at least!"

"I already did when I gave you the riddle, Natsu," Gramps said exasperated.

"_When the hell did you give us a riddle?!"_

"It was in my instructions!" Gramps snapped. "If you want to be S-Class you have to learn to listen!"

"_What the hell?_!" Natsu pulled at his hair frustrated. "What riddle? This makes no sense!"

"Something tells me Lucy is going to win this," Happy sighed sadly. "Even though she's really clumsy and very vain, there's no doubt she's smarter than you Natsu."

"Aye," Natsu agreed feeling really depressed now.

_Goddamnit!_

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Natsu felt useless.

Worse than useless, he felt as worthless as Lucy's spirits kept telling him he was. There was nothing he could do. No magic words to say, no gesture, or silly antic, or….well _anything_, to make Lucy smile again.

They had survived a war of sorts with another guild and a dragon attack, and Natsu even survived some lunatic who wielded death magic, and it was nothing short of a miracle….but everyone has suffered. Their guild has suffered. They had been gone for seven years, and their friends had suffered. And now, Lucy was suffering….because he father had died, died waiting for her, and there was nothing he could say to cheer her up.

What would cheer him up if he found out Igneel died waiting for him? Nothing.

He stood there as Lucy laid flowers on her parents' graves. Just stood there as he waited for her to say something. Say anything.

She finally did after what was hours of silence, the sun had started to set, and a chill was beginning to fill the air. "I regret not making amends with my Father," she whispered, "and I regret something else as well." She turned to look at him. He felt his heart drop to his stomach. Like motion sickness all over again.

"Luce…"

Please don't, he wanted to say, you shouldn't have to regret us. But how could he when they were married not for love, but for….well because he was being a greedy and selfish bastard?

She stepped closer to him and pressed a hand to his cheek. He leaned into it as his own hand and grabbed hold of her wrist, as if it was his own lifeline. "I regret…" she looked hesitant and then suddenly leaned up and kissed his lips. "I regret not doing this. I regret not telling you that I love you. Natsu, we were going to die on that island and all I could think of were all the things we didn't do."

Inwardly he thought he was going to sink to his knees and thank the gods that Lucy wasn't going to leave him. Outwardly, however, he just pulled her into his arms and nuzzled her hair. "We don't have to have regrets anymore," he told her, "we have our whole lives to do everything we missed before."

She smiled at him. "I love you," she said softly.

"I love you too."

They kissed again, and again, and some more. It even got a little too heated for public, and that was when Happy decided to remind them that he was still there. "You two are seriously kissing in front of dead people?!" he shouted horrified. "Natsu, I think Lucy's weirdness is rubbing off of you!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

There were more regrets.

Not at first, God no, definitely not at first. They were living their lives, they were embarrassing Happy with their displays of affection, and they were happy despite how the guild has moved to a shack, their house had been ransacked, and they were struggling to make ends meet.

Then they competed in the magical games, and then Lucy got captured, and then her future self appeared before them, and told them about the horrible, apocalyptic, future…and then she was brutally murdered.

Natsu couldn't shake off the memories of her pale face, her body trembling as their last bit of her life left her, and her final words, directed at him: "I wish….that we could have had….more days…together…..protect the future."

After beating the Future Rouge, his wife's murderer, and the seven dragons, everyone collapsed in relief, and Natsu suddenly found himself unable to stand up as he sat on all the rubble with Lucy in his lap.

"You got to let me go sometime," Lucy said.

"Not right now," he murmured.

"You know nothing will happen if you let me go, right?"

Natsu snorted. "I wouldn't put it past you falling into something, or getting kidnapped on the way back to the hotel," he said. She tried to smack him in retaliation only to have him capture her hand and kiss it. "Marry me," he said.

"I already did," she reminded him.

"Marry me, again," he said. "Properly this time. With all of our friends around us."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

Happy had to tell them off for kissing in public again. Not that they cared, it just meant they could go back to the hotel room while everyone was out partying and have their own celebration.

It took months for them to have their wedding. Mainly because bad guys didn't know when to take a break long enough for them to plan it. But with the last bad guy gone, everyone finally recovered, and Magnolia rebuilt, they had their wedding.

Lucy got to wear the dress she always wanted, and the proper church wedding, and everyone, from Fairy Tail to their friends in Lamia Scale, Blue Pegasus, Mermaid Heel, Sabertooth, and Quattro Cerberus filled the seats up.

The only difficulty had been deciding on a maid of honour. Erza, Mirajane, Levy, Juvia, Lisanna, Cana, and Wendy had all decided they should be it. Wendy had backed down pretty quickly but the others literally battled it out for days (the men and Lucy had all decided to take missions until it was over). It had only been resolved when Natsu chose Happy for his best man so Lucy said it would only be fair if Charle was her maid of honour ("Unless you guys want to try dancing with Happy for the first dance," Lucy raised a pointed eyebrow at her, more broken bones than anything else, friends. "Give me enough booze and I will!" Cana had replied.).

But here she stood, saying her vows again, to the man she was madly in love with, in the white dress she had always wanted, surrounded by the people she loved.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride," Master finished the service, "Or if you want I can, Lucy is-"

"_Master_!" Mira glowered.

Not that Lucy noticed much. Natsu was giving her perhaps the best kiss of her life (until the next one, and then the next one, and then….oh you get the picture!), while Happy bemoaned how people shouldn't keep giving them permission to do yucky things.

Everyone else cheered and as Lucy and Natsu pulled apart, they grinned.

This was the wedding they were supposed to have, but you know what? Lucy wouldn't have changed a single thing that led to this day.


	6. Always Losing

**Summary: **Happy can't help but feel Lucy always ends up losing. Lucy disagrees. Warnings: first sad chapter and spoilers for the manga.

**Pairings: **Happy/Lucy friendship and some implied Natsu/Lucy.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to Lucy, or Erza, or Cana, or Mirajane, or Juvia, or all of them to Natalie Merchant's My Skin.

"Lucy….why do you stay at Fairy Tail?"

It was the celebration party after they had recently defeated those horrible demons and FACE, and that nasty block thing that had eaten them all at one point, and Happy had been keeping an eye on Lucy (Natsu's orders) when he blurted out the question.

_He couldn't help it!_ He looked at Lucy and all he could see was her pale, tearstained, face, all of the bandages wrapped round various parts of her body, and the really, really_, really_ sad look on her face as she gently played with the bits of broken key, and he just had to ask.

"Hmm?" Lucy looked at him confused. "Why wouldn't I?"

"It's just that…." Happy tried to look for a nice way to say it but couldn't. So he just said it anyway as nicely as possible. "Lucy, you're always losing."

"I am not!" Lucy shrieked indignantly. "And what do you mean _I'm always losing_?!" she demanded to know. Happy could sense a Lucy Kick a mile way, and decided it was best to fly a little bit away from her. Just in case.

"Nothing mean!" He protested quickly. "Please don't hurt me!" he begged really not wanting to add to his own injuries. "It's just….Lucy, since you've joined Fairy Tail everyone's life has gotten better but yours."

Lucy frowned at him, she still looked rather confused. Man, Lucy was being dumb today.

"What on earth do you mean?"

"Think about it Lucy!" Happy snapped losing some patience with the blonde. Because he couldn't understand how she could be so blind to this. "Gray has finally made peace about his teacher's death, and has gained good relationships with his adoptive siblings. Erza has finally got Jellal free from his possession, he's even redeeming himself as we speak to be with her, and all of her friends from the Tower are free and happy now. _Even_ that creepy cat lady. Natsu isn't as restless as he used to be. He doesn't chase after every dragon rumour like he used to and he now knows he isn't alone, Gajeel and Wendy are just like him."

"Right," Lucy frowned, "but I don't see what this has to do with-"

"Then Mirajane and Elfman have gotten Lisanna back," Happy interrupted loudly, "and got over their mental blocks on their magic. Juvia has friends and people are no longer mean about the rain to her anymore. Gajeel has Lily and now Levy, Levy has gotten braver since you joined, Cana and Gildarts now have that father/daughter relationship they always wanted, and Laxus no longer has a chip on his shoulder and actually smiles now. The Thunder God tribe have more friends than each other and Laxus. The Master's relationship with Laxus has improved. Loke's very life has been saved and he has returned home with his family. Wendy and Charle now have a family. Al and Bisca finally have each other and Asuka. Can you see where I'm going with this?"

"Yeah, everyone is happier," Lucy said, "but how does this mean I'm losing?"

"Lucy…" Happy sighed, wondering how she still didn't get it. Here he thought only Natsu was this stupid. "Lucy ever since you have joined, you have been kidnapped by Phantom Lord, beaten up by Gajeel, estranged with your father, attacked over and over again, you have lost your father before you were ever able to make amends with him, you were betrayed by Michelle, kidnapped, almost lost your soul to an evil clock, before you almost fell out of the sky and died. You were then brutally attacked by Flare, almost murdered by Minerva, then you were captured by the minister of defence who had plans to execute you. Lucy…whatever happened in that future…you lost your arm, the one with your guild mark on it. That you was murdered. You almost died in the battle with the dragons. Jackal tried to force you into making a choice you shouldn't ever have to make. Then you were left alone in Hades to save all of us and….and…"

He glanced down at the broken key pieces on the bar. Lucy followed his eyes and winced, he watched her as she clutched one of the smaller pieces tightly. So it'll make an imprint onto her hand. _Aquarius,_ Happy thought sadly. She was the first of Lucy's spirits that he had met. He had wanted to eat her because she was half fish but now…Lucy's lost someone while they were all saved, and that's what he had been trying to tell her.

"Can you see what I've been trying to ask you?" He asked. "Why do you stay, Lucy, when all we do is make you suffer?"

Lucy's eyes closed at that and she took a deep breath. He could see her fighting back the urge to cry and swore silently. _Crap!_ Natsu would burn off his fur if he made Lucy cry.

"Lucy, please don't-"

"You're wrong," she interrupted quietly, "I don't keep losing."

"But-"

"Happy," Lucy's eyes flickered open and they bore into his very soul. He couldn't help gasp a little. There was an intensity to her that he rarely sees and it's a tiny bit terrifying. "I have gained _so much_ since I have joined Fairy Tail. No, listen to me. I have made friends, friends, for the first time in my life. Did you know that before Natsu told that Vulcan I was his friend no one had ever called me that? Then there's Virgo, do you think I would have gotten Virgo if I wasn't a Fairy Tail member?"

Actually Happy did. Because he can remember Virgo making her request to Natsu and Happy to take her to Lucy. She said something about how warm Lucy was, and Happy knew Lucy was very warm when she isn't being mean, and how it had called to her, therefore Lucy would have found Virgo and the others sooner or later. They would have found her.

"And then Sagittarius," Lucy continued oblivious to Happy's thoughts. "I would have never met him if it wasn't for you and Natsu persuading me to take that suicidal S-Class mission-"

"_Lucy!_" Happy shrieked, horrified at what Lucy called suicidal. "That was the tamest thing we've ever done!"

"I know and that scares me a little," Lucy admitted with a small smile. It faded away though as she carried on with her list. "I confronted my father, Happy. I was _never _able to do that before. I managed to tell him how I felt for the first time in years and that was all because of Fairy Tail. You give me strength and courage. Loke saved me just as much as I saved him, more so, he has always had my back. How many times has he come out on his own power to give me back my keys? I have grown in magical power, I had made new friends in other guilds, and I found Scorpio, Aries, and Gemini. Yes I went through a lot since Tenrou Island, but I reconnected with a good part of my childhood, I can look back and smile now because I remember the good times rather than the bad. I know my father loved me. I made friends with Flare, I found a fellow Celestial Mage in Yukino, and I have finally proven my worth as a Fairy Tail mage."

"But what about…" Happy's eyes went back to the broken pieces of the key. Lucy might not have counted everything beforehand as a loss but she had to count this one.

"This _isn't_ a loss, Happy," Lucy said firmly. Her intense look had returned and Happy felt chill runs down his spine. "Because I won't let it be one. I'm going to fight to bring her back. Just wait and see."

Happy grinned at that. Right there and then, Lucy was the embodiment of Fairy Tail and its philosophy. Be stubborn, fight back, and make them pay a hundred times over. Lucy was strong. And inspiring. And a lot like Natsu.

"I'll help!" He exclaimed.

"Of course you will," Lucy smiled warmly at him, "and that's another win for me. I got you and Natsu."

"And we got you," Happy replied.

Lucy wrapped an arm round him, so she could reach under his chin, and give it a scratch. He purred contently as he nuzzled his nose against her cheek in reply. "So no more silly talk about me losing, ne?"


	7. How to Kiss 101

**Summary: **Natsu asks Happy about kissing…this may not be the best idea he ever had.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lucy and implied one-sided Happy/Charle,

**YouTube Prompt: **a Natsu/Lucy video to the Mama Mia duet cover of Abba's Lay All Your Love on Me. Because some of the lines definitely fit them…especially for a jealous, possessive, Natsu XD.

It was a warm summer's evening, and Happy was enjoying a feast of fish. He and Natsu had just spent a gloriously sunny day fishing, just the two of them, and he was reaping the rewards of what he felt was a hard day's work.

Then Natsu ruined it all by asking a question. "Ne, Happy, do you even know how to kiss a girl?" he asked from his hammock.

Happy choked on his fish, and suffocated a little when a fish bone got lodged into his throat. Not that Natsu noticed or cared, that big fat meanie! "W-what?" he managed to get out in between coughs.

"Do. You. Know. How. To. Kiss. A. girl?" Natsu repeated slowly. "Jeeze what are you, deaf?"

"Why would you ask such a thing?!" Happy shrieked. Cured from his choking episode, he was now filled with righteous anger.

"Well…I sort of need advice…." Natsu scratched at his head, and Happy couldn't help but notice his cheeks were now matching his hair, "those bastards at the Guild will just laugh at me," he muttered darkly.

True enough. Happy had to give Natsu that one. Macao and Wakaba would laugh, talk about their own conquests, and likely traumatise both Happy and Natsu. So yes, avoiding that. Gray and Gajeel would definitely laugh as well. Happy wasn't sure if Jet, Droy, Max, Nab, Warren and Reedus knew anything helpful. Romeo _definitely didn't_. Elfman would just go on about how unmanly they were. Laxus, Freed, Bickslow, and Lily didn't care, and then Gildarts had buggered off to God knows where, the less they knew about the Master's romantic life, the happier they would be, and asking Loke would mean asking Lucy, and if they asked they would get Lucy Kicked.

So, of course, that just left Happy….well bugger.

"Well I've never kissed a real girl myself," Happy admitted, "but perhaps one day Charle will accept my fish and give me one…"he trailed off dreamily as he pictured Charle accepting his fish, and then kissing him with her pretty, delicate, pink nose, and then their wedding which will be beautiful, and then the many, many, children they would have…

"Happy can we get back to me, please?"

"Oh right…" Happy shook his head as he tried to snap out of his fantasies. "Well like I said I've never kissed a real girl before but I have kissed Lucy, Erza, Mirajane, Lisanna, and Levy."

Natsu looked confused. Not like that was anything new, Natsu _always_ looked confused. "Happy those are real girls," he said.

"Do they have fur and a tail?"

"…No?"

"Well then, they're not real girls," Happy concluded, because in his book real girls were cats, not humans. "But when I kissed the others I just rubbed my nose against their cheek."

"_That's_ kissing?" Natsu scrunched his nose up in…well Happy didn't know what, but it looked ridiculous.

"For friends," Happy explained patiently, "Kissing romantically is rubbing your nose against someone else's nose."

"Oh I see!" Natsu brightened up. He looked like it was Christmas Day, sneaking into Lucy's bed, finding Igneel, and his birthday all rolled up in one. "So I just rub my nose against a girl's nose then…."

Something popped into Happy's mind and he suddenly found himself insanely curious. "Natsu?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you asking this?"

"Erm…."

And that's when Happy realised exactly _why _Natsu had been asking about kissing. There was a girl. Natsu liked someone. Ha, ha! He could have fun with this.

"You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike someone!"

"Shut up, Happy!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Natsu waited for Lucy to calm down before he asked her. After Happy told him how to kiss, which had been embarrassing to ask because Natsu was certain he was the only guy who doesn't know how to, he had quickly run off to visit Lucy in her apartment, and of course when he jumped through the window, she shrieked at him and almost kicked him into the canal. Soon enough though, when Lucy stopped acting like she was about to have a heart attack (melodramatic weirdo), she calmed down enough to offer him a cup of tea.

He waited until she had a few sips and fully relaxed. The moment her eyes fluttered to a shut as she sighed blissfully (and her shoulders lost all the tension they gained when he first arrived), he spoke up, "Hey, Luce, can I try something?"

"Hmmm?" Lucy mumbled, not really paying attention. "Sure."

Natsu would have rushed in and just do it, like he usually would in any situation, but he had already been kicked once tonight (and he was certain it was going to leave a bruise this time) and he really didn't want to get kicked again. He tried to go for one kick a day with Lucy, otherwise he would definitely have a permanent foot mark on his chest, or face, or...well anywhere Lucy can hit him with. "Promise not to kick me?" he asked.

Lucy's eyes opened and she turned a rather suspicious look at him. Like she suspected him to do something horrible, he doesn't know why it's not like he's done anything really mean to her just a couple pranks once in….oh_, that's_ why she's looking at him suspiciously! "Why?" she asked sounding just as suspicious as she looked.

"I just really don't want to be kicked again," Natsu smiled sheepishly.

"Natsu," Lucy growled warningly. "If you want to try my underwear on again, you can get the hell out of my apartment now."

"No, no, it's not that" Natsu said hastily, "and I never tried your underwear on!" he yelled out his defence.

"You wore my bra on your head!" Lucy shrieked.

_Crap,_ he was supposed to make her agree not to kick him, not rile her up into punching him or something! And he knows she will, she had already balled her hand up into a fist!

"Happy said they were ear muffs!" he shouted back, panicked, "Look I promise it isn't that, can I please try something and not be kicked?"

"_Fine!_" Lucy sniffed angrily. "But if this is a prank, I will get my revenge."

_Ha!_ Natsu would like to see that happen, Lucy was rubbish at getting her own back. She was so obvious with her sneaking around, giggling, and over the top smug looks. Also she was so clueless, last time she got her 'revenge' on him, she just cleaned his house. That was doing him a favour (because seriously, he was running out of underwear).

But that's really not the point. With Lucy's permission obtained, and a promise to not kick him, Natsu was now free to kiss her. He leaned in, cupped her face with his hands, and then ever so gently, so you know, he wouldn't hurt her or scare her, he rubbed his nose against hers.

Lucy blinked and looked like she wanted to laugh. Not quite the effect he wanted but at least she wasn't going to kick him. He pulled away and dropped his hands back onto his lap. "Was that all right?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah," Lucy bit her lip, "it was sweet."

Was sweet a good thing? Hell if he knew! He had more important things to worry about.

"Can I do that again? Like anytime?"

"Sure," Lucy smiled, "Why not?"

He took advantage of having her permission to do it again immediately. And then again, and again, until Lucy burst into giggles, and they ended up play fighting till bed time.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Rubbing their noses together became their thing.

Lucy couldn't explain why, and she knew it was really weird, but she couldn't help but encourage Natsu in it. It was _adorable_, and she couldn't help but enjoy having his face, lit up with happiness and excitement, that close to her own. It made her stomach flutter with butterflies, her heart skip a beat, and her cheeks heat up to match Natsu's hair, and for some reason she was becoming addicted to this feeling.

They rubbed noses together to celebrate a victory, or when they completed a mission without destroying something, they rubbed noses together in the morning to say hello, they did at night to say goodbye, and sometimes they just did it because Natsu felt like it.

Lucy didn't know why but it made her feel inexplicably loved.

Wendy and Erza thought it was adorable, Gray and Charle, however, found it disgusting, and Happy, for reasons Lucy could never work out why, would just bemoan something about his virgin eyes.

But yeah, running their noses together totally became their thing.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

It was a normal day at the guild which meant there had already been five brawls, Cana was almost drunk, Juvia had done something stalker-ish, and the Master is in his office weeping over expenses.

It was during the rare quietness between brawls that Mira had approached Natsu and Lucy. "How was babysitting Asuka, yesterday?" she asked as she served them their drinks. "I heard you had a bit of an adventure."

"Yeah, we got attacked by some bandits," Lucy said, "but Natsu and Asuka sorted them out."

"It was horrible…." Happy shuddered. "So much spit and touching….the horror, the horror."

"Erm…is Happy, ok?" Mira asked as she eyed the trembling blue cat in concern. "The bandits didn't do anything to him, did they?"

"No," Lucy sighed as she petted Happy, "he hasn't recovered from the fact that Natsu kissed him yesterday."

"_What?!_" Mira squeaked. At the same time Natsu yelled the same word out loud. "I haven't kissed Happy!" he added furiously as Mira looked at him questioningly.

"Erm, yes you did," Lucy looked at him as if he was an idiot, "I was there."

"You held Happy up and smashed his lips against mine," Natsu said angrily, "but that's not kissing, Luce."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't," Natsu was now getting sick of being treated like he was a moron. He knew what kissing was and he knew he hadn't kissed Happy, _goddamnit!_ "I know it isn't because we've been kissing for months, and we never did that."

"**EEK!**"

Everyone in a five foot radius of them winced as Mira squealed in delight at this revelation. Lucy, however, looked horrified. In fact for a moment Natsu thought he saw her soul fly out of her body, but then she turned a bright red, and shot him a furious look.

"_What the hell?"_ she hissed. "What do you mean we've been kissing for months?! I think I would have noticed you sticking your tongue down my throat!"

Natsu wrinkled his nose up in disgust. "Why would I stick my tongue down your throat?" he asked shuddering at the thought. "That's not how you kiss! You kiss with your noses, everyone knows that!"

"Natsu that's not how kissing works!" Lucy and Mira both shouted at him. Lucy's blush was now able to rival Erza's hair for what was redder while Mira just looked delighted for some reason.

"IT ISN'T?!"

"Of course not, you dumbass!"

"But Happy says that's how he kisses!" Natsu shouted.

At this point Lucy smacked her hand against her face. "I give up," she muttered to the table.

"Yes that's because he is a cat," Mira explained patiently, "They kiss differently."

Cats and humans have different ways to kiss?! He _hadn't _been kissing Lucy all this time?! So that meant she was still available to other guys, right? _Goddamnit!_ Why was he so fucking stupid to have listened to Happy about kissing? He should have sucked up his pride and asked Gray, he would have pissed himself laughing at Natsu, but at least then Natsu wouldn't have wasted five months not kissing Lucy while making a fool of himself.

"Well then," Natsu swallowed, "how do humans kiss?"

"With their mouths!"

It was then when Natsu suddenly grabbed hold of Lucy, hand entwined into her hair, and pulled her in for a short, rough, kiss on the lips. "There!" he said triumphantly. "Now we've kissed! You can't date other guys now."

Lucy gawked at him while Mira seemed to have fainted out of sheer joy. Happy, however, just flew off in search of therapy because, while no one else might care, he was still feeling incredibly violated by yesterday's events.


	8. Many Snow Whites and Two Idiots

**Summary: **A vain woman has just been told by a magic mirror that all the girls in Fairy Tail are fairer than her. So what is she to do than attempt to kill them all? Yeah….she has no idea who she's dealing with.

**Pairings: **ImpliedNatsu/Lucy, Natsu/Lisanna, Gray/Juvia, Loke/Lucy, Elfman/Evergreen, every Fairy Tail guy/Lucy, OC/OC, Alzack/Bisca, and Mirror/Charle.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to ALL of the couples in Fairy Tail with the song That's How You Know from Disney's Enchanted.

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful woman who considered herself the most stunning, gorgeous, sexy thing in the entire universe (yes her ego was that big). And one day she got herself a magical mirror to tell her so every day.

She had been so excited when she first received this magic mirror that she hastily prepared herself before she asked her question. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" she asked.

The mirror glowed a strange greeny-blue as a face appeared. It was a plain, lifeless, face, as she was unable to find any distinguishable features in it. It, too, seemed to be unimpressed by her beauty as it looked her up and down.

"Well definitely not you," the Mirror sneered.

"How dare you?!" the woman shrieked. "Be gone!"

She chucked a perfume bottle at the Mirror to make her point. It unfortunately missed and smashed against the wall, stinking the room out with expensive perfume, but it did make her point as the face in the mirror vanished.

When she finally calmed down, after shrieking and raging, and destroying an item or two, she realised that she wasn't her usual perfect self, because she had been too eager to try out her new mirror, and therefore threw herself into a gruelling beauty regime that included three different baths, waxing, moisturising, and trying three hundred odd different combinations of clothes and make up, before she was satisfied.

After ensuing that she was now sheer perfection, from her perfectly groomed hair to her neatly painted toenails in her stunning gold shoes, she asked once again; "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"

"Look toots," the Mirror sneered, "I told you already, not you."

"Then _who?_!" she shrieked. "Who is it that you deem fairer than me? Me, the most beautiful woman in the land."

"Lots of women!" the Mirror retorted. "I can write a list if you like."

"Tell me now or I shall smash you to pieces!"

"Well first there is Mirajane Strauss," he showed an image of a blue-eyed, white haired beauty that she had seen in magazines before, "who is the very definition of fair, if you ask me, which you did. Then there's her little sister, Lisanna," the little brat wasn't that little, and looked exactly like her older sister only with shorter hair. "And then there is Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilla, Levy McGarden, Cana Alberona, Evergreen, Wendy Marvell, Bisca Connell, Laki Olietta, Juvia Lockser, Kinana, and even Charle the cat is fairer than you."

"_A cat?!_" she spat out. "You think a _cat_ is fairer than I?"

"She has white fur and looks very cute in pink," the Mirror said….disturbingly dreamy like, "anything is better than you."

The woman fumed silently at that. She didn't like this mirror's backchat, and she certainly didn't like the fact it thought a cat was fairer than she. There was only one thing left to do, after destroying the mirror that is, eliminate her competition.

"Where can I find these girls?" she asked.

"In a guild called Fairy Tail." She smirked at that, and picked up her hairbrush with the pretence of brushing her hair, and simpering into the mirror. The Mirror rolled its eyes at her. "Can I go now?" it asked rudely.

"Certainly," she said.

And that was when she flung her hairbrush, with all her might, into the mirror. Shattering the glass into a thousand pieces. She swore to herself that was exactly what she was going to do to these Fairy Tail girls when she got her hands on them.

She will destroy these Fairy Tail girls if it's the last thing she'll do.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Something strange was happening at the guild.

It started off innocently. A piano fell from the sky and landed on Juvia, thankfully though her body is made of water and she instantly reformed without injury. But then someone tried to mug and stab Kinana, who seemed immune to the poison that was on the dagger, and was out of the infirmary in no time. Bisca had come in with several bruises and a destroyed gun (and an alarmed husband, and tearful baby, as they claimed someone tried to shoot Bisca down but she out gunned them), then there were several attacks on all of the girls individually.

Random men who were then either charmed out of their attack, or petrified into submission depending who they attacked. "I think Lucy and Wendy have spent too much time with Erza," Happy observed as the two girls reduced their attackers into begging on their hands and knees while sobbing.

"Aye," Natsu agreed.

Then there was the poison laced books, that would have killed everyone in the guild thanks to Happy sneezing on them, and Mira was suddenly taking to being in Satan Soul form all the time (Elfman had taken to crying himself to sleep at night again) in order to defend herself, and Evergreen suddenly increased her statue collection with far too many men that suspiciously matched some of the wanted poster photos.

And then came a strange delivery of beautiful corsets, which none of the girls thought of (as they have often received dirty underwear from their fans and tended to just chuck them out depending on their taste), until Natsu burst into the guild the next day with a slightly charred Lucy in his arms.

"THE CORSETS ARE EVIL!" He shrieked. "LUCY'S ONE JUST TRIED TO STRANGLE HER BREASTS TO DEATH!"

"Thank God I chucked mine out," Laki said, "I knew there was something suspicious about a person sending us all naughty underwear."

"It is odd though," Levy frowned in concern, "that we get sent murderous underwear after being under attacked for these last two weeks, and endured some botched attempts to murder us."

"It's because we're too beautiful," Laki flipped her hair over her shoulder, "we're driving the men crazy."

"Yes you are," Lily agreed under his breath, "but not for the reason you're thinking."

Fortunately none of the girls heard him or he might have been trampled to death, cute cat or not. Instead everyone's attention was on Natsu and Lucy, especially when Warren asked; "What were you doing at Lucy's while she was trying on underwear?"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

The last straw came when the guild was under attack by some maniac with hair pins. Yes, _hair pins_. Not something any of the blokes would take seriously (other than ducking and pulling their female partners down to the ground for safety and quick grope) but then one of the brand new, nameless as they were obviously one of those bandwagon jumpers so no one bothered to learn, female member got hit by one of them and promptly died of poisoning.

"THAT'S IT!" Natsu roared as he shot flames throughout the surrounding area, hopefully barbecuing the enemy. "NO ONE KILLS….hey, Luce, what was this girl's name?"

"I don't know," Lucy sighed sadly, "I think she just joined this morning."

The Master dealt with everything. And once the chaos was somewhat curbed and everyone went back to drinking and relaxing, he forced them all to sit a guild meeting (something that never really happens because a. not everyone was home at the same time, and b. trying to get the more restless ones coughNatsucough to sit still for more than a minute wasn't worth the meeting).

"What the hell is going on, you shitty brats?" Master demanded to know.

"I think," Erza scowled as she pulled out several hair pins from her armour, "that someone is trying to kill us girls."

"_**WHAT?!"**_

"Why would anyone want to kill our girls?" Alzack asked worriedly as he wrapped an arm round his wife and daughter.

"I can think of a few good reasons," Gajeel snickered, "I mean these harpies haven't exactly done themselves any favours with their screeching, beating up men, and turning them down, have they?"

No one answered Gajeel as all the girls all turned to glower at him with their equally, terrifying, demon, glares, that made some of them, just a little bit, pee in their pants, and others to just scream like a girl. Gajeel didn't have a chance to defend himself as he was thoroughly beaten to death and then buried by the girls.

"Idiot," Lily scoffed unsympathetically. He was a cat and even he knew you don't say crap like that in front of the girls in this guild.

"Right, so our girls are in danger," the Master said, though he doubted it was much trouble as they could handle themselves. Gajeel slowly returning back to life was prove of that. "What are we going to do about it?"

"Hunt whoever is doing this down," Erza replied immediately, "tie them down, and then castrate…." She then went into full, gory, detail on what torture she would use on the person that had attempted to murder her fellow sisters.

Many people lost their lunch. Some were certain that they were going to have nightmares for the rest of their life. Wendy, definitely, lost the last shred of her innocence listening to this.

"I don't think the girls need any protection," Freed said weakly, "they seem highly capable of defending themselves."

"Awwww," all the girls cooed with sunny smiles, "thank you Freed!"

Bickslow shivered at that. "I think that was more terrifying than them being murderous," he hissed to Freed, "at least then you knew when to duck."

There was a knock on a door, and they all turned to see a delivery man peer his head round the door. "Delivery for Fairy Tail," he said as he held up the parcel.

It was a basket of red apples. Beautiful, blood red, glistening apples that made everyone drool just a tiny bit. Most of them managed to shake it off as they remembered there was some lunatic out there trying to kill the girls, and they wouldn't put it past them to poison a bunch of apples in hopes of succeeding.

Unfortunately not all of them were that smart. Without even thinking, Natsu reached into the basket, picked up an apple, and took a great big bite out of it. It was mere moments before he collapsed onto the ground dead.

"NATSU!" Lucy shrieked as she clutched a tearful Happy to her bosom.

"Idiot!" three quarters of the guild face palmed, most notably Gray, Laxus, Erza, Master, and Gajeel. "We've just established the fact there's some raving lunatic out there trying to kill you girls, and what does he do?" Gray rolled his eyes, "eat an apple out of the suspicious basket of apples."

The Master examined the apple with a curious sniff, a lick (Ew), and casting a spell over it. "It's all right!" he reassured the panicked guild. "It's not a proper poison! Just a sleeping curse. All he needs is a kiss from his true love and he'll awaken."

Everyone turned to look at Lisanna. "_What?!_" she shrieked turning a bright red. "Ewwwww, no! He's just a friend!"

At that, everyone then turned to look at Lucy, "_Why me?_!" she wailed.

"Just do it!" Erza shoved Lucy onto the sleeping dragon slayer. "Meanwhile, I'm going after that delivery man. Who's with me?"

Unfortunately there was such a scramble to join Erza (or avoid her) that no one saw what happened next. All they knew was Natsu was suddenly magically awake and Lucy wasn't talking to anybody.

They didn't question it as they finally tracked down the woman that had been trying to kill the girls, and then Erza got to enact her punishment plan.

Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and no one really got to live happily ever after with those nightmares haunting them.

The End!

**Alternative Ending:**

Lucy collapsed, apple rolled out of her hand and onto the ground.

"Idiot," Gajeel scoffed, "we were just discussing how some crazy bitch is out to kill you all, and what does she do? Eat an apple out of the suspicious basket."

"You know what this means?" Natsu smirked. Everyone gasped and turned to him, was he this heartless to not mourn the death of his partner, or was he some creepy bastard that got off with recently dead girls? Honestly they wouldn't be surprised if it was either. He suddenly pulled out a permanent marker from his pocket. "Pranking time!"

Everyone collapsed on the ground out of exasperation. "NATSU, YOU BASTARD!" Gray shot back up furiously. "Lucy died and all you can think about is pranking her?"

"Lucy isn't dead, you slanty-eyed bastard!" Natsu snapped back. "I won't let her be!"

"I don't think you get a choice in that Natsu," Mira said softly as she glanced down mournfully at Lucy's unconscious body.

The Master examined the apple with a curious sniff, a lick (Ew), and casting a spell over it. "It's all right!" he reassured the panicked guild. "It's not a proper poison! Just a sleeping curse. All she needs is a kiss from her true love and she'll awaken."

"How do we find Lucy's true love?" Wendy cried out, terrified they never would, and then Lucy truly would be dead.

"We can all just line up and kiss her?" Max suggested uncertainly.

All the men began drooling, apart from Alzack who was blissfully married, and some of them especially Macao and Wakaba started to get nosebleeds at the idea. The girls were less pleased, as Juvia burst into tears and begged her Gray-sama not to do it, Evergreen glowered at Elfman, and Erza pulled out her sharpest sword, ready to kill whoever besmirched her best friend's virtue first.

It was then when Loke decided to come out of his key. "I shall be the first, and only, to kiss my beloved!" he said dramatically, hand at heart, as he looked every inch of the heroic prince.

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" Natsu bellowed as he suddenly punched the lion spirit.

That's when a typical Fairy Tail brawl started only all the girls were beating the crap out of the men instead of waiting last minute, and all the men were trying to get close to Lucy as possible. Unfortunately due to the debris flying around as well as the dust storm caused by the constant fighting between them all, no one saw what happened next, but they did know a very irate Lucy was the one to end the brawl as she kicked Natsu into Gajeel, who landed into Team Shadow Gear, who collided with Erza who….well they all went down like dominos.

They didn't question it as they finally tracked down the woman that had been trying to kill the girls, and then Erza got to enact her punishment plan.

Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and no one really got to live happily ever after with those nightmares haunting them.

The End!


	9. A Dark and Stormy Night

**Summary: **A thunderstorm has come to Magnolia and the guild all react to it differently.

**Pairings: **Sibling! Mira/Elfman/Lisanna, Sibling! Erza/Wendy, Gray/Juvia, Evergreen/Elfman, Gajeel/Levy, Jet/Levy/Droy, Alzack/Bisca, and Natsu/Lucy. Always Natsu/Lucy XD.

**YouTube Prompt:** A tribute to the Fairy Tail girls to Shania Twain's Man I Feel Like a Woman.

**Strauss Siblings:**

The storm was so ferocious that it managed to knock their power out. This hadn't bothered Mirajane or Lisanna, who calmly sought out the candles and lit them, but it did bother Elfman a little.

"It isn't manly to have candles!" he said stubbornly. "It is much more manlier to go out, fix the power, and brave the storm – LIKE A MAN!"

"Don't be silly, Elfman," Mira giggled, "It is much safer and warmer to stay in here. We can have a story night like the old days."

"Ooh, yes!" Lisanna agreed, "It's been way too long since we had a story night. And I know some really good ones now that I learnt in Edolas."

"Oh, how fascinating!" Mira gasped. "You can tell one first then."

"Yes!" Lisanna cheered, as she sat down between her older siblings, "Which one shall I tell you first? Edo-Juvia told me a really good demonic mermaid one once, or there's the murder stories Edo-Lucy told me (though I'm not sure if they were stories or just her actual killings…), or the possessed car story from Edo-Natsu, or even…Elfman-nii-chan, are you okay?"

Throughout Lisanna's pondering on which story she should tell, the middle Strauss sibling had begun to tremble which on worsened at each word his youngest sister uttered. "Of course, I'm okay!" Elfman lied, his face red with embarrassment, "I look forwards to each and every one of your stories, after all GHOST STORIES ARE MANLY!" he finished in high squeak instead of his usual deep bellow.

Lisanna and Mira swapped amused looks and had to hide their giggles. "Perhaps another time for ghost stories," Mira suggested kindly, "what are the romances in Edo-Fairy Tail like?"

And with that the family spent the whole night curled up together as the eldest two listened to Lisanna's stories about the parallel world she had been living in.

**Erza, Wendy, and Charle:**

Wendy had been a bit nervous about the storm. She had never been a big fan of them even when she lived outside and had a dragon protecting her. There was just something about them that made her fear for her life. When she had accidentally confessed this to Erza she had expected the derision that it deserved. The derision Charle definitely had given her as she tried, and _failed_, to get Wendy to be a little braver.

Instead she found herself bundled up into bed, with a hot chocolate, and Erza acting all motherly as she read Wendy a story out of her book.

Well…a bit of a story, Erza kept blushing, and changing the pages which caused Charle to tut at her for some reason. It was somewhere between the couple declaring their love to one another, and the first real roadblock of their relationship (with what seemed to be about thirty pages skipped) that Wendy started to drift off to sleep, with her head in Erza's lap, and Charle's head pressed against Wendy's hip.

A crash of thunder could be heard which caused Wendy to jump a little in her sleep, Erza simply hummed contently as she stroked Wendy's hair, and soothed her back into blissful ignorance.

**Gray and Juvia:**

Juvia hated storms. Hated, hated, hated, _hated _them. They were always the proof of her instability. The very thing people hated about her. Juvia made it rain, and when she made it rain people hated her, and when people hated her, Juvia got sadder and angrier, and storms suddenly appeared, and then everyone hated Juvia even more. It was a vicious cycle that had been broken by only one person.

On beautiful, perfect, and very naked person….

Juvia didn't cause this storm but would anyone believe her? What if Fairy Tail got fed up with Juvia's storm making and stopped being nice to her? What would Juvia do?

Juvia sobbed bitterly into her Gray-sama doll as the wind howled with her.

"Ack!" Gray yelped. "Juvia…I can't breathe. Let go a little."

Juvia held on tighter instead. She clutched tightly to the lukewarm skin that was her Gray-sama, and pressed her face against his guild mark while she breathed in his strange scent that was simply him. She was so glad he agreed to stay with her even if she had forgotten temporarily and thought she was cuddling her doll instead. "Gray-sama…" she murmured, and then her eyes bugged out in realisation. "Where are your clothes?!"

"Crap!"

"Ah! Juvia's virtue is now missing as well!"

"Oi! Don't say crap like that, Erza will kill me!"

**Laxus and the Thunder God Tribe:**

The moment the storm hit they ran out like the lunatics everyone thinks Bickslow is (and he definitely is). They had their own ritual for thunder storms because they were the Thunder God Tribe, and this was their element. Laxus was starving and they were desperate to party while he feasted.

If anyone else from the guild saw them they might die of a heart attack. Freed had lost all of his formal trappings, as he wore only a shirt and trousers, both of which were sticking to his skin, and his long green hair was plastered to his face, and his eyes wild and bright. Ever was smiling like a child in a toy factory, and Bickslow had lost his helmet and heavy armour, the three of them were also holding hands and dancing wildly in the rain like lunatics.

"Time to party, my babies!" Bickslow shouted to the skies.

"Party, party, party," his dolls chanted as they zoomed round in circles above them.

"Ah, Bickslow, look at Ever," Freed smirked, "she's covered in mud already."

"Shut up!"

"Ooh, perhaps we should have invited Elfman to join us," Bickslow suggested teasingly as his female best friend fumed furiously, "he would like the sight of Ever in ripped tights and mud all over her. Think it would be _manly_."

"Manly, manly, manly!"

"I said shut up!" Evergreen screeched.

They didn't get to tease her more because Laxus pounced, in all perfect grace, into the air and sucked in all the lightning into his mouth before he landed on his feet with ease. They all applauded and cheered him on. "Amazing as ever, Laxus-sama!" Freed praised their leader gushingly.

"I'm glad we've agreed I'm amazing," Evergreen smirked.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" Freed snapped. "Stop stealing Laxus-sama's glory!"

Bickering between the two ensued, which was ignored by the stoic Laxus, and the grinning Bickslow. "What did that one taste like?" Bickslow asked over the thunder that was Evergreen trying to murder Freed.

"Like oranges," Laxus grunted.

"Oranges, oranges, oranges!"

**The Connells:**

It wasn't the thunder that scared Asuka. _Oh definitely not_! She had grown up around guns, and was used to loud banging noises. She had no problem with thunder but lightning…well, she went to school. She heard the stories. Lightning can come down from the sky and electrocute you! And that was terrifying.

"Hush, sweetheart," her mother murmured as she tucked her into bed, "there's nothing to fear."

"But what if the house gets hit?" Asuka whimpered.

"It won't," her father promised as he ruffled her hair goodnight. "I promise you."

"How do you know?"

"Well," her father scratched the back of his head, "you remember Laxus Nii-chan?"

"The big, scary, blonde man in the silly coat?"

Her mother giggled at that and her father looked strangely amused and ill at the same time. "Yes, him," he said, and then he coughed, "well Laxus Nii-chan is a lightning dragon slayer, like Natsu Nii-chan is a fire dragon slayer, and like Natsu Nii-chan can eat fire, Laxus Nii-chan can eat lightning."

Asuka's eyes widened at that. "Really?" she asked.

"Yes, really," her father nodded solemnly.

"And I imagine he is very hungry right now," her mother spoke up, "since lightning is very hard to get. Do you think Laxus Nii-chan will let our house be hit by lightning when he can gobble it all up instead?"

"No," Asuka giggled.

She found the idea eating lightning very funny. Probably because Natsu Nii-chan looked funny when he was eating fire. Like a human dragon, only harmless.

"There you go then!" her mother said firmly, "now go to sleep. You're safe."

Asuka obeyed her parents and promptly closed her eyes ready to go to sleep. Now feeling assured that no one was going to get hurt. That night, Asuka fell asleep not to the sound of thunder, but the sound of her parents kissing one another (yuck!).

**Cana, Macao, Wakaba, Romeo, Reedus, and other Fairies:**

Most of the guild, that was still in the building when the storm hit, ended up standing by the door as they watched Cana drunkenly dance in the rain. She wobbled around in her high heels, arms in the air, and the water soaking her white blouse to reveal a black lacy bra for the world to see.

"What a sight," Wakaba drooled.

"Definitely," Macao agreed perversely as a bit of blood slide out of his nose.

"_Dad!_" Romeo hissed embarrassed. Why did he have to be related to such a pervert? It made it so difficult to have friends when his father is perving on half of them!

"It is a beautiful sight, oui!" Reedus agreed as he hastily started to paint. "All those colours when the lightning flashes…"

Romeo would like to say that Reedus painted a beautiful picture of the storm itself….but unfortunately he too was bitten by the perverted bug, and was actually painting a portrait of Cana and her very see-through top.

Romeo sighed dejectedly and wandered back into the guild where surely someone would put him out of his misery.

(Not that he had much luck, even the Master was drooling at the sight of Cana, and so were all the other men, while Laki looked on disdainfully.)

"Here, on the house," Kinana said as she rubbed his back sympathetically, "you look like you could use a drink."

"I could use a less perverted father," Romeo smiled thankfully. He accepted the free hot chocolate gratefully and sipped it. His eyes widened as a strange taste was laced with the bittersweet chocolate.

"I thought you could use a little pick me up," Kinana winked, "but it's just a drop. I'm not going to be serving lethal amounts of whiskey to minors."

**Gajeel, Levy, and Lily:**

Gajeel wasn't sure how he ended up in this position but he wasn't going to argue against it. H had been helping Shrimp with a gigantic stack of books that she was trying to drag back to the guild when the storm suddenly hit Magnolia.

He had expected Lily to jump and suddenly dig his claws into Gajeel's shoulder, this had become a common recurrence since their partnership had started, but he hadn't expected the Shrimp to suddenly shriek, drop her books, and cling to his arm.

"Gihihi," he chuckled.

"Shut up!" she hissed.

"You don't seem the type," he said, "I thought you were made of sterner stuff."

"It's not a matter of how strong I am or not!" she shrieked. "Look at Lily. He's a fantastic fighter, very strict, stoic, and disciplined but that doesn't stop him from cowering from the storm! It's called an irrational fear for a rea-"

Another loud crashing noise of thunder and a matching flash of lightning shut the Shrimp up as she squealed again and threw her arms round Gajeel, her face buried into his chest.

Gajeel smirked to himself. He had his cat snuggled up against the back of his neck and his girl in his arms. He had no reason at all to dislike storms.

**Jet and Droy:**

Jet and Dory were sobbing. Not out of fear, though that would sometimes be the case, but out of worry and shame. There was a great big thunder storm raging outside, and they weren't with their best friend, and lady love, who was terrified of storms. They had once again proved themselves worthless for Levy's love.

So instead of doing anything useful, like go out and try find Levy, they huddled up together and clutched each other for comfort as they wept and wailed. "We're the worst!" Jet sniffled. "Once again we're doing nothing to protect our Levy!"

"She's probably out there," Droy stopped to bite into a sandwich he made earlier, "all on her own. Or worse…with _Gajeel_."

This conjured an image of the tough, biker, iron dragon slayer draping an arm round their frightened Levy, and she blushing and smiling a thank you at him. This caused them to wail even louder and sob even more.

"Levy-Chan!" they wailed in unison.

"Wait!" Jet burst out as inspiration hit him. "We should cheer her on from here! If we do it with all our hearts, I'm sure Levy-Chan will feel us and be comforted by us!"

"You think so?!" Droy asked eagerly.

"Of course! It is the power of our feelings, and you know what Master said, that's the most powerful magic of all!"

"All right!" Droy flung his sandwich over his shoulder. "Let's do it then!"

"HOORAY, HOORAY, LEVY-CHAN, HOORAY, HOORAY, LEVY-"

Their cheering was suddenly interrupted by a thundering bang on their wall which caused them to scream and cling to one another.

"QUIT THAT RACKET!" their neighbour shouted.

**Natsu, Lucy, and Happy:**

"What are you doing, Luce?"

Lucy was already in her pyjamas and was in the middle of climbing into bed when Natsu blurted out the question. She raised an eyebrow at him and he immediately felt like a bit of an idiot ("What do you mean a bit?" a voice that sounded suspiciously like Gray sneered in the back of his head). "Isn't it obvious?" she asked. "I'm going to bed."

"Why?" Natsu asked. "A storm is on, we should be telling ghost stories, and eating food, and drinking hot drinks. Not going to bed."

He was really looking forwards to spending the night with Lucy. She told the best ghost stories and she was always fun to freak out whenever something spooky happens as well. He had Happy's agreement to turn the lights off when they got to a scary part of a story so Natsu could make Lucy jump. Now all his planning was going down the drain. _It wasn't fair!_

"This is the best way to view a storm," Lucy said, "curled up in bed, where it's safe and warm, and enjoying the view."

"Sounds boring," Natsu wrinkled his nose.

"Suit yourself," Lucy shrugged, "you can leave if you want but it's raining heavily now." She then curled up on her side, with her back to him, and seemed content to watch the storm that way. Determined not to be left out, he kicked his shoes off and climbed in with her. "_Natsu_," she growled, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Watching the storm the best way," he shrugged. "Is that all right?"

Lucy seemed to deflate at that. "Fine," she muttered, "you can stay here and watch the storm, and then you leave my bed."

"All right!" Natsu grinned.

He had to shift around a bit to get comfortable but soon enough he had spooned round Lucy perfectly, with one arm wrapped round her waist, and the other being used as a head rest, while he nuzzled her hair lightly as he rested his chin on the top of her head.

Lucy was right this was the best way to view a storm. It was so warm, and nice, and safe, and he couldn't think of a place he would rather be than here, in this moment, where it was warm.

Lucy fell asleep with a smile pressed against Natsu's forearm, and Natsu followed quickly afterwards with a matching smile.

Happy, however, flew in from the kitchen (where he had been raiding the fridge for snacks while he viewed the storm through the kitchen window), took one look at the couple, and then grinned manically at the wall (since there was no one else there), and said, "they liiiiiiiiiiiike each other."


	10. How to Date Lucy 101

**Summary: **Inspired by an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Natsu starts taking classes on how to date Lucy from Loke….he really needs to stop getting ideas.

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lucy, Loke/Lucy, Gray/Lucy, and Gray/Juvia.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to all the chaos Fairy Tail causes the Master to My Chemical Romance's Teenagers. Because I think a clip of the Master crying over the expenses goes hand in hand with the chorus line 'They might leave you alone but not ME!'

"Note how sixty per cent of the duvet cover is on Lucy's side of the bed," Loke tapped his lecturing stick at the image the lacrima was projecting onto the wall. "There is no doubt in the world that Lucy Heartfilla is, and always will be, a blanket hog. So any questions?"

"Yes," Gray piped up from the back, "does Lucy know you two are doing this?"

"GRAY!"

Loke dropped his lecturing stick in shock while Natsu shot up from his slouched position on one of the desks and into a fighting pose. "What are you doing here, you bastard?" Natsu snarled.

"Hiding from Juvia," Gray admitted sheepishly. "She's been…weirder than usual today, and I thought the town council hall would be the last place she'll look. Then I found you two knobs. Well actually, first I found this sign," he held up a paper made sign that simply read Lucy 101. "What the hell are you two doing? Lucy 101? Isn't that invading her privacy? Do you two have a death wish? You know what she's like about her privacy. And why would you want to know whether or not she's a blanket hog?"

"Loke is teaching me how to date her!" Natsu said in his usual, bright, and cheerful demeanour.

This cemented every thought Gray ever had on Natsu being a fucking moron. _I mean, come on!_ Gray thought, _it's so obvious what's happening here_. Gray sighed as he realised he probably had to spell it out to Natsu.

"So Loke has dated Lucy?" he asked.

"**NO!**"

"Constantly in my dreams and sometimes in reality as well," Loke said dreamily, "Each time my beloved calls upon me for a mission it is a date-"

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!" Natsu punched Loke.

Fortunately Loke was the cool and collected type of man, and responded with a disapproving sniff before he straightened his tie. Otherwise the town council would have had to bill Fairy Tail for damages. After all, if it had been Gray, Natsu had punched, there would be likely very little left of the building by the time their fight was over.

"So if Loke hasn't dated Lucy then why is he the best person to go to for dating Lucy advice?" Gray asked. _Come on you flaming idiot! Use your brain for once in your bloody life!_ "And don't you already know about her sleeping habits?"

Gray and Erza also knew far too much about Lucy's sleeping habits because of three things, one, Happy is a little shit stirrer that tells every little gruesome detail to everyone, two, Natsu had mentioned the odd thing here and there in the past, and three, they had watched Lucy sleep a couple times when they've broken into her house or slept in the same room for a mission.

"Yeah, so far Loke's advice has been completely useless," Natsu scratched the back of his head stupidly. Seriously, to Gray he looked like a monkey. A very stupid one. "All he's done is told me things I already know about Luce, and absolutely nothing on how to date her."

"Did it ever occur to you he might be sabotaging you?" Gray pointed out.

Natsu's blank face gave him the answer he already knew. It then turned into a furious shade of purple, as smoke came out of his ears, and flames started to appear on his body. _Oh crap_! They were so going to pay for damages.

"What?" Loke raised a cool eyebrow. "You think I agreed you were worthy enough to date my master?"

"Why you-"

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

All three of them stiffened at the sound of Lucy's shrill and furious voice. It was the second most terrifying thing in the world after Erza in general. On the plus side, Natsu's flames had disappeared so the likelihood of having the pay for damages had diminished a bit.

"LUCY!" they all shouted fearfully.

Loke was the first one to recollect himself. He ran a hand through his hair, and stepped confidently towards Lucy. "What brings you here, Lucy?" he purred flirtatiously. "Was it the strings of fate or the irresistible call of my handsomeness?"

"Seriously dude?" Gray asked exasperated. He knew Loke was great with the ladies but his flirty manner had never worked on Lucy, and doing it in front of a jealous and already pissed off Natsu? Even more stupid of him. Sometimes Gray wonders if he is the only male member in the guild that possess a brain cell.

"No," Lucy snapped, "it was the fact some pervert had stolen all of my underwear, and Happy showed me where he was." At that she shot a venomous look at Natsu….which was fair enough considering, a. Happy knew where her underwear was, b. Natsu has stolen some of it before, and c. there had been guild panty raids in the past, and Lucy, with all her sexy lace, silk, frilly stuff, was always a target.

"I didn't steal your underwear!"

"It was for research purposes."

"Loke, you pervert!" Lucy shrieked. "I'm going to kill you!"

Loke opened his mouth, undoubtedly in order to smooth talk his way out of this mess (not that it would work, it never did with Lucy), when Juvia suddenly crashed through the doors. "Gray-sama, Juvia has found you!" she squealed happily. She then took in her surroundings, saw the lacrima projection of Lucy, saw the sign in Gray's hand, and promptly burst into tears. "Gray-sama, why are you going to class on how to date Love Rival?!" Juvia wailed.

"Oh, crap!"

"Juvia will never forgive Love Rival for this!"

It is needless to say that they ended up paying damages after all. But it wasn't because of Natsu (for once!) but because Juvia tried to drown them all, and ended up flooding the place with her tears.


	11. Tequila Shots

**Summary: **Inspired by a scene in The Big Bang Theory, some of the Fairy Tail guild end up doing tequila shots at Cana's insistence. Natsu and Lucy get a bit carried away…

**Pairings: **NATSU/LUCY! And a little bit of Gray/Juvia and Gajeel/Levy.

**YouTube Prompt: **A fighting montage to The Voice by John Farnham.

It was Cana's idea to do tequila shots.

They were celebrating….okay, they might not have been celebrating anything and were just having a bit of a party because they were all home for once. It was when Wendy, Romeo, and Charle went home, when the last shred of Cana's mature sensible side died a sudden death, and she pulled out the bottle of tequila.

At first it was awful. Most of them had never done the shot before and were accidentally dribbling the vile stuff down their chins as they desperately sought out the lime. Natsu must have had about five of them with at least three going down his chin. Gray was no better, there were damp spots all over his naked chest…though that might be because Juvia was drooling nearby. Erza managed to do it well enough but her eyes kept bulging out every time she sucked on a lime. And Lucy's giggling helped her not at all, as she snorted a bit of tequila out of her mouth in her desperate attempt to reach for a lime slice.

"Amateurs," Cana teased as she poured out more shots, "bottoms up."

This had to be like the seventh or eighth shot now, and Natsu was definitely feeling too woozy for his own good. "Not for me, thanks," he said as he pushed the glass away from him.

"What are you, _chicken?_" Gray taunted him.

"All right, all right," Natsu shouted loudly, "another one! I'll drink till Gray's liver is dead." He was about to reach for the salt when Lucy swiped it from him. "Oi, Luce I kinda need tha…." His words died in his mouth as Lucy, flushed, giggly, and definitely more drunk than he was, sprinkled salt onto her neck. "_What are you doing?_!" he squeaked.

"Body shots!" Cana shouted on the top of her voice. She then toppled out of her chair and discovered an abandoned bottle of rum that took her interest.

"Jeez," Gray muttered as he rolled his eyes at her.

"C'mon," Lucy encouraged Natsu, "Lick, shot, and lime," she said in an infuriatingly patronising voice. As if he didn't know how to do a tequila shot. "Or are you _chicken_?" she taunted in a similar fashion to Gray.

Natsu snarled wordlessly as he lunged at his so called best friend and partner. He grabbed hold of her shoulders, yanked her closer to him, and licked her neck as sloppily and annoyingly as possible. He could taste the salt on her but underneath was another taste, a delicious one, and he licks again in order to identify it. He cannot. He move his mouth at a different angle in hopes that it'll help him to identify the taste, and instead finds himself sucking her skin and nipping lightly here and there at her neck.

"Mm…." Lucy moaned. "_Natsu!_"

She then also toppled out of her chair pulling him with her. Not that he cared. At his point he moved from her neck to her lips, and she had wrapped her legs round his waist without a care in the world.

Everyone else watched with wide eyes. Erza's face went from a horrified white to an embarrassed, fire engine red, as she quickly turned round to protect what little was left of her innocence. Gray and Gajeel both looked like they were going to be sick while Mirajane looked as if Christmas had come early.

"Whoa!" Cana said as she sat up. Impressed yet surprised at the show Natsu and Lucy was giving the whole guild that had chosen to remain for the party. They both seemed too innocent, shy, and private to make such a public display. Heh, just goes to show what magic booze can do. "Go Natsu and Lucy!" she cheered loudly.

"Natsu is MAN!" Elfman boomed in agreement.

"Go Lu-Chan!" Levy cheered before she burst into a fresh set of cackles, and Gajeel had to take her home before she made a fool of herself (she was precariously close to falling out of her chair as well, only she had no one to hide the sight of her knickers if that was to happen, and Gajeel wasn't going to let the likes of these Fairy Tail perverts see her matching orange frilly knickers).

"Juvia wants to do body shots too!" Juvia cried out suddenly. She snatched up the salt and gleefully sprayed the stuff all over her. "Gray-sama, take a shot!" she demanded.

Gray blinked, shrugged, and leaned in only to pull away again. "Juvia!" he cried out alarmed. "I think your body has dissolved the salt!"

"Waa!" Juvia wailed in horror. "Juvia forgot that salt and water mixes! Now Juvia tastes like salt water, and Gray-sama will never want to lick her, and make thirty babies with her!"

"…Oi!" Gray protested weakly. "I'm sure the salt water won't be that bad," he tried to comfort her.

It was too late though, Juvia was in flood of tears which flooded the guild with salty sea water. This definitely sobered Natsu and Lucy up enough to spring apart (or, you know, they would have drowned) and the others left the guild gurgling and trying to breathe again.

It was definitely the last time anyone was going to have a tequila shot in a very long time.

(Mainly because the Master decided to ban the drink and when Cana tried to protest against it, he merely shot a pointed look at all the water damage Juvia inflicted onto the guild building, and then a rather perverted one at Lucy, who had suddenly taken to wearing turtle-necks.)


	12. Tattoos

**Summary: **Team Natsu wake up after a wild birthday party to find that they have made a terrible mistake…

**Pairings: **implied Gray/Juvia, Erza/Jellal, and Natsu/Lucy.

**YouTube Prompt: **Tribute to all good looking male characters of Fairy Tail with the song Raining Men, original or cover.

They woke up with the worst hangovers ever.

It was all Cana's fault (it usually was when it involved drinking) as she was the one that decided they should all do drinking games at Reedus' birthday party. Lucy can honestly say she has no memory from when she sorely lost at Paranoid to the moment the sun cruelly woke her up by shining directly in her face. This did nothing helpful with her headache. Which wasn't the only part of her that was aching; her legs were cramped, her arms were sore, and for some reason there was an excruciating pain on her lower back. To make matters worse she was boiling and severely dehydrated, this was of course, her team mates' fault. After all she wouldn't be this hot if it wasn't for the fact Natsu was glued to her back, Erza was far too close to her face, and Gray was draped all over her legs.

Her team knows no boundaries.

Her groan was loud enough to wake the others which ensured a marathon of groans, moans, and pitiful whines before Lucy eventually got free from her human prison and staggered into the kitchen in search of water.

She was about to lift the cool glass to her lips when a high pitched scream made her jump and drop the glass onto the floor. It shattered immediately, not that she noticed much, as she leaped over the shards in her haste to get back into her bedroom. After all it was _Erza _screamed, and that meant something dreadful must have happened.

Nothing fazes Erza, so this had to be apocalyptic.

"What?" Lucy cried out breathlessly as she burst into the bathroom (after she tracked her redheaded friend down). "What is it?"

Erza turned to look at Lucy, her eyes were wide with horror, her face pale, and she was trembling just like the time she got stage fright. Lucy grimaced and almost jumped back in fear at the sight. Whatever got Erza in this state could not be a good thing. "L-L-Lucy!" Erza stuttered. "W-w-what exactly did w-w-we do last night?"

"Erm…"

"Oh _God!_"

"What's got Erza's panties in a twist?" Natsu, as usual, had terrible timing as he decided to say that when Erza was on the verge of losing it. To make matters worse, he cunningly threw an arm round Lucy's shoulders (she tried to ignore the fact that the tips of his fingers were brushing against her breast, because surely that wasn't done on purpose….right?), and leaned his chest against her back, using her as a shield.

Bastard.

"_You!_" Erza shrieked as she pointed at Natsu. "I bet this is your fault!"

"Eh?!" Natsu cried out. "What the hell did I do?!"

"This!" Erza screamed as she pulled up her blouse to reveal her stomach to them. There, on Erza's stomach, was an incredibly detailed tattoo of Jellal's face. No, Lucy was not kidding. Erza's belly button had ink on it in order to capture Jellal's sharp nose, his red tattoo was captured beautifully, and it looked like his blue hair was brushing against the under skin of Erza's breasts….oh dear.

Natsu burst out laughing which didn't do him any favours. Lucy cleverly stepped aside at the last minute allowing Erza to punch Natsu into the wall.

This was when Gray finally woke up. "God," Gray groaned as he stretched out on the floor (Natsu had apparently kicked him off when he leaped out of bed), "why is my back so sore?" no one answered but Gray wasn't bothered as he caught sight of Erza's stomach. "_What the hell?!_" he yelped. "When did that happen?!"

"I don't know," Erza cracked her knuckles, "but when I find out whose idea it was, I'm going to murder them."

Gray gulped at that. Lucy did too. Natsu was too busy bleeding out on her floors to do so. "You don't think we all got one, do you?" Lucy asked nervously.

"Nah!" Gray stood up and stretched properly. He grimaced again at the pain his back was causing. "Have you seen my clothes?"

"Nope," Lucy shook her head, "You must have left them on the street or something. You know where the spare ones are," she glared at him meaningfully. No matter how many times she told him to stop being naked in her house, he always strips, or strips outside and enters naked. Through the chimney. Like a sex fiend Santa Claus.

"I'm getting dressed, I'm getting dressed!" Gray said hastily. He turned quickly to Lucy's dresser to reveal to her a terrible sight – she gasped.

"Gray, your back!"

Natsu, who had recovered from being beaten to death, sat up and burst into hysterical laughter while Erza sympathised.

"What? What is it?" Gray asked worriedly. "Did I cut myself again?"

"You have a tattoo," Erza said bluntly.

"**WHAT?!"**

"A tattoo is an understatement," Lucy muttered, "Gray your back is covered in them."

"What did I do? What the hell did I do? _Shut the fuck up Natsu_!"

Gray pushed past into the bathroom and tried to crane his neck in order to see his back. It was futile and wasn't going to change the fact that Gray now had about twenty tattoos on his back, ranging from front, size, and colour but all saying the same thing _Property of Juvia Lockser. _

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Gray-sama!" Juvia cried out sleepily. "Are you being attacked? Juvia can fend off love rival's attempts to rape you."

"I keep telling you I'm not a love rival!" Lucy shrieked. "And what are you doing in my bath?"

"There was no room in the bed," Juvia whined, "Poor Juvia and Happy had to find other places to sleep. Juvia had to be without her Gray-sama!"

"Juvia!" Gray snapped, losing his patience a little. "Why have I got so many tattoos?"

"Ara!" Juvia gasped delightedly. "Juvia wanted one too but the ink doesn't stay on Juvia's body because Juvia's body is made of water. So Gray-sama said he will have all the tattoos for Juvia. It was so romantic!"

"They're not bad," Natsu commented with an evil grin, "but nowhere near as good as Lucy's tattoo." He then trailed a finger along the sore spot on Lucy's lower back. "Now that's awesome."

"_Eek_!" Lucy screamed as she realised she too had a tattoo…and maybe a little because Natsu had been touching her in a far too intimate area of her body. "What have I done?!" she wailed.

Erza smacked Natsu on Lucy's behalf before she leaned in an examined Lucy's tattoo. "It's a pink dragon," she said rather admiringly, "beautifully done actually. This artist has good craftsmanship."

Lucy tried not to blush at the implications. Fortunately she seemed to be the only one to have picked up on them.

"If I have one, Erza has gone, and Lucy, of all people, has one, then you should have one too, flame brain," Gray smirked. "Go on. Show us your tattoo."

"I don't have one," Natsu grinned.

"WHAT?!"

"You have got to be kidding me!" Gray snarled. "If we all have one then you should too!"

"But I haven't," Natsu kept grinning as he turned round, took his waist coat off, and pulled his trouser legs up, "Not one single tattoo," his grin had turned into a smug smirk at this point that left Lucy's fist itching to smack. "Ha, ha!" Natsu laughed at them. "I don't have one. Would you look at that, the idiot of the group isn't the stupid one for once!"

"Erm, Natsu…" Lucy sweat-dropped.

Erza placed a hand on Lucy's arm and shook her head. "Let him work it out himself," she said, "it only serves him to right to call himself a moron," she glowered at the crowing boy, and Lucy shivered. She couldn't help but feel Erza was attempting murder via telepathy. Was that possible? She would have to ask Warren.

"Oh man," Gray moaned as he touched the back of his shoulder, "this is going to cost a fortune to get rid of."

(Later that evening Natsu was washing in the river with Happy when Happy's eyes widened as he saw what was on Natsu's left buttock: a little star tattoo with the letter L in cursive. Turns out he wasn't as sensible as he thought he was.)


	13. Overkill

**Summary: **There's a spider in Lucy's bath tub but never fear! Erza, Gray, and Natsu are here!

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lucy and Natsu/Lucy/Erza/Gray friendship.

**YouTube Prompt: **A Loke centric video about his family relationships with both Fairy Tail and the spirits to the song Two Worlds, One Family from Disney's Tarzan. Because the lyrics just seem to cover all aspects of Loke's life from his grieve over Karin and his love of Lucy, and Gray, and everyone else.

It was a normal, boring, day as for the first time in forever, Lucy had woken up alone in her house. Trust her that was an amazing achievement, ever since the Magic Games, Natsu had been sleeping in her bed virtually every night. It was beginning to become very annoying. After a peaceful morning spent reading, and writing a little bit, and generally being lazy, Lucy finally stretched out and went to have a much needed bath.

She leaned down to turn the tap on when she saw the most horrific, deadly, and terrifying thing in the world… A spider was in the bath tub.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed. She leaped back as far as she could from the bath tub and fumbled for the toilet scrubbing brush in hopes of having a good weapon against the evil, infernal, thing. She hated spiders. Absolutely _hated_ them. They were horrible, creepy, crawly things, with far too many legs. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed again when the nasty creature crawled up onto the top of the bath.

"DON'T WORRY LUCY!" Natsu roared as he burst into the bathroom. Gray and Erza barrelled in not long afterwards, Erza had her sword out while Gray had his hands up ready to summon some sort of ice attack. "I'LL SAVE Y- eh?" he scratched his head stupidly. "Where's the monster?"

"There!" Lucy shrieked as she pointed to the spider. "And what the hell are you three doing in my apartment?!"

"A spider?" Gray chortled. "Didn't think you were one of those girls- urgh!"

Lucy threw her only available weapon at Gray's head. The satisfying thumping noise it made as it smacked into Gray's nose and sent him flying backwards was worth it though. "Ignore him," Erza advised her, "and don't worry about this infernal creature, we'll deal with it."

Natsu offered her his hand and she happily accepted it, though she did squeal when he yanked her up so hard she flew across the bathroom and crashed into his rock hard chest, "We'll make this spider pay," he promised with a smirk.

She really wanted to hit him. Actually she needed to hit him that smirk of his made him far too irresistible, and if she didn't hit him she might do something stupid. Erza saved him from inevitable pain by pushing Lucy out of the bathroom, "Get dressed," she ordered sternly.

A circle of swords magically appeared behind her and Lucy watched in horror as her bathroom walls got stabbed at repeatedly. The spider, evil little twisted creature, escaped with his life; uninjured. "My bathroom!" Lucy screeched. "I'm going to have to pay damages on top of rent now!" she despaired more to herself than anything.

That was when Natsu and Gray dived in. Lucy can honestly say she didn't know what happened other than the fact that there were was dazzling blue, orange, and white flashes that blinded her as the spider managed to escape the bathroom (and Gray's, Natsu's, and Erza's attacks), Lucy screamed as Erza's swords almost hit her, and she had to run out into the street wearing nothing but a towel as Erza, Gray, and Natsu continued to fling magic at the spider.

She watched in horror as the very being her apartment resided in shuddered and slowly collapsed into debris. "Aha!"" Natsu crowed smugly as he held up the half frozen, half charred spider, "Got it!"

"It was a formidable foe," Erza acknowledged, "Good team work you two."

"Aye!"

The three of them then all turned to face Lucy expectantly. They were obviously hoping for praise or gratitude. Definitely some admiration for the lengths they would go for their friend. Instead they received a sharp kick in the stomach that sent all three of them flying into the canal, and a furious scream of rage.

"YOU DESTROYED MY APARTMENT!"


	14. Best Birthday Present Ever!

**Summary: **Lisanna was going to get Natsu the best birthday present ever, no matter what, even if she has to commit a crime or two.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lisanna friendship, implied Happy/Charle, and Natsu/Lucy.

**YouTube Prompt: **Two videos! Any pairing you want, the first video being the female POV of the relationship to Within Temptation's cover of Running up That Hill, and then the second video being the male version to the Placebo cover of the same song.

It was a quiet morning in the Strauss house as Mira-nee was already at work, and Elf-nii-chan was doing his routine morning workout which left Lisanna on her own. Not that she minded, now she had been back in Earthland for months, her siblings constant presence was beginning to feel a little bit smothering.

So she was taking her time in getting ready for the day in order to enjoy the peace of solitude just a little bit longer. In fact she had taken to experiment brushing her hair into slightly different style in order to prolong her time alone. It was then she caught sight of her calendar and saw what week it was.

"_Eh?_" Lisanna cried out in horror. "It's Natsu's birthday this week!"

Well it wasn't his birthday. No one knew when Natsu's actual birthday was – _not even Natsu!_ – So they had agreed on the day he had arrived in the guild as his birthday. Usually Lisanna was on ball about it and planned something fun, like fishing, and a good present to give him, but this year she had totally forgotten!

What crap friend she was!

Lisanna felt even more guilty as she realised that she had missed three of Natsu's birthdays plus another seven from when they were all frozen in time. She had missed ten of her best friend's birthdays. _Ten!_ She was the worst best friend in the world!

So this year she was going to make it the best damn birthday ever! And Happy was going to help her.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPY!" she screamed on the top of her voice. She had caught sight of the blue cat, Natsu free for once, thank God, flying towards to girl's dormitory on her way to the guild. "HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Lisanna!" Happy cried out, wide-eyed, and fearful, "What happened? Is there a monster chasing you?"

"No, no," Lisanna laughed weakly. She only just realised how stupidly dramatic she must have looked to her blue furry friend. "I just realised its Natsu's birthday this week-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Happy screamed, his little paws clutching his furry cheeks, "I TOTALLY FORGOT!" _Wow,_ Lisanna sweat-dropped. At least she wasn't the only shit friend around here. That was a relief! "Now I have to give him my best fish!" Happy wailed as tears rolled down his face. "I was saving it all week for Charle's return!"

"Erm," Lisanna sweat-dropped even more at that, "I don't think that fish will be….safe for anyone to eat. It must be rotting now."

"Lisanna is sooooooooooooooo mean!" Happy wailed childishly as he began to zoom away as quickly as possible from the white haired mage.

"Wait!" Lisanna cried out as she ran after the Exceed. "Happy don't leave me!" she begged pathetically. "I need your help!" Happy wavered a little at that and Lisanna decided to change tactics quickly by using the best bribing option she had. "I'll buy you the best fish so you can give it to Charle if you help me!"

Happy turned round with a bright grin on his face. "Ok!" he chirped as if he hadn't been sobbing his little blue furry heart out moments before.

He was just like Natsu – evil, manipulative, and capable of switching emotions and personality with just a wave of his hand.

Lisanna sighed. There was nothing she could do about Happy's bipolar, she really, really, needed his help so she won't be such a shitty friend. "Thank you," she smiled warmly, "I need some help in finding Natsu a super awesome birthday present. Something to make up for last few birthdays I've missed. Do you have any idea what he might want?"

"Hmmm…." Happy said thoughtfully. He then grinned as an idea occurred to him. Lisanna could virtually see the light bulb go off above his head. "Well Natsu always wants more food. He keeps trying to steal my fish like all the time!"

Lisanna rolled her eyes at the age-old compliant. According to Happy, Natsu was _always _stealing Happy's food. Also the idea was useless. "Something that's not food!" she snapped. "I can get him food any time. I want to get him something special."

"We could find Igneel!" Happy suggested brightly completely unaware of Lisanna's fit of bad temper. "Natsu wants nothing more than to find Igneel!"

"Something I can actually _do_ by the end of the week!"

Happy went back to being thoughtful again and Lisanna held her breath. She wasn't sure if this was the best idea she had. She should have probably gone to Lucy, Lucy was good at brainstorming unlike Happy, who seemed to have almost fallen asleep. "Aha!" he shouted which made Lisanna jump and choke a little as she forgot she hadn't been breathing while the Exceed had been thinking. "Natsu has been sleep talking again recently," Happy said evilly. "It's really funny."

"Really?" Lisanna said in surprise. "I thought he kicked the habit."

Back when they were children Natsu used to fall asleep just about anywhere, and amongst his snores, and disgusting drool, he would mumble in his sleep. When the likes of Gray and Laxus totally took advantage of that in order to embarrass the fire dragon slayer, Natsu had managed (somehow, God knows _how,_) to stop doing it.

"Only when he's sharing a room with someone," Happy confided, "Last time he sleep talked with Gray nearby ended up in a disaster. Master had to pay for Magnolia to rebuild its entire market."

Lisanna sweat-dropped at that. It definitely sounded like something Natsu and Gray would do. "I bet Erza wasn't happy," she muttered.

"Aye."

"So what has Natsu said in his sleep?" Lisanna asked excitedly. She knew Happy would only ever bring this up if Natsu had said something recently that could be useful.

"Oh!" Happy's grin was so evil at this point that Lisanna did, momentarily, wonder if this was the right thing to do. She suddenly felt like she was making a deal with the devil….if the devil was a cute, blue, furry, animal, which if he wanted to trick people he should really, because it would be a great disguise….anyway! Lisanna decided it didn't matter. She had to get Natsu a good birthday present. "He wants Lucy. He liiiiiiiiiiiiikes her. Especially in her maid costume. He said 'I want you, Luce,' and he then said 'serve me, your master, Lucy Maid-sama' it's really weird. I think Lucy's weirdness is rubbing off of him."

Lisanna felt another sweat-drop coming on. Happy was so oblivious and Natsu was so perverted. She never knew her friend could be such a creep. "Maybe," she said in reply to Happy's suggestion that Lucy's 'weirdness' was rubbing off on Natsu. If you asked her it was the other way round. "So Lucy has a maid costume?" she asked, wondering if that was why Natsu developed a maid-kink or if he was just kinky in general.

"Aye!" Happy chirped. "It's from our first mission together as a team, Natsu keeps it on a mannequin in our house as a memento, but don't tell Erza or Gray. Erza will beat Natsu up for being a pervert and Gray will laugh at Natsu for being a pervert."

"He is being a pervert," Lisanna mumbled more to herself than anyone, "but Lucy in a maid costume is something I can do….Happy, how do you feel about committing a crime or two with me?"

"AYE!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

It was a rare night where Lucy was actually alone.

There was no Natsu lurking in her bed, no Happy raiding her fridge, no naked Gray prowling around, or a homicidal Juvia not far behind, or Erza eating cake on her sofa, not even Plue was around. It was a very odd, quiet, night, and Lucy was loving it.

That is, she was loving it until she got attacked. She was about to climb into bed when someone grabbed her from behind, she screamed, and tried to reach for her keys when her attacker pressed a cloth soaked with a sleeping potion to her nose and mouth. _Goddamnit Natsu!_ Lucy cured to herself as she began to fall asleep in her captor's arms, _why is it you're never in my apartment when I actually need you?!_

She woke up to find herself unharmed, thankfully, and strapped to a chair with Happy leering over her. She screamed, tried to scoot back, and ended up toppling the chair and herself over.

"You weirdo, Lucy," Happy snickered.

"Happy!" Lucy yelled furiously. She had just had a scare that definitely lost her ten years of her life, then woke up to find herself tied to a chair, and now she had Happy being mean to her, saying she was not in a good mood would be a massive understatement. "What on earth is going on?!" she demanded to know. "Is this some sort of joke? Because I swear to God Happy, if you and Natsu are playing another prank on me, I'm going to rip-"

"Lucy!" Lisanna cried out as she appeared out of the shadows. "It's ok, please, calm down!"

"Lisanna!"

Lisanna smiled down at her sheepishly. "We're sorry to do this, we wouldn't normally, but its Natsu's birthday tomorrow, and Mira-nee pointed out there was no way you'll be willing to do this, so erm…we might have gotten a little enthusiastic with the kidnapping thing."

"_Why?!_" Lucy wailed.

She had no idea what she could have possibly done to deserve this. She thought she and Lisanna were friends! (She had no doubt given any opportunity that Happy would make her suffer, he was a cruel little prankster.) And what the hell did Natsu's birthday had to do with this?! Couldn't they just get him a cake and a card? What the hell did she have to do with Natsu's birthday? Other than you know, buy him a present…oh my God! Are they kidnapping her so they could steal her birthday present?!

"Natsu wants Lucy!" Happy smirked.

"_What?!"_

"I'm giving you to Natsu as a present," Lisanna said as if that explained everything.

"I'm not an object you can give to people!"

Lisanna and Happy both ignored Lucy's shrieks, Happy had taken to floating as far from Lucy as possible while nibbling on a fish, while Lisanna was rummaging through a bag. She then held up the maid costume that Lucy had brought years ago now. "If you're objecting to the idea of being a present, I don't suppose you'll put this one willingly then?" she asked.

"_Like hell!"_

"I thought as much."

It was then when Lisanna transformed into her white tiger form and then pounced onto Lucy. Lucy remains adamant that the only reason Lisanna won the struggle was because Lucy was keyless and tied to a chair.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Natsu was woken up by a loud bang on his front door. He grumbled quietly to himself as he struggled out of his hammock (damn, why did his twelve year old self think this was a good idea? He should have gotten a bed like Lucy's or better yet just steal Lucy's bed…) and stumbled over his cluttered floor to the door, he managed to stub his toe a bit on some of the debris he had kept from one of his missions, this put him in a very irritable mood.

That, and he really wanted to sleep again he had been in the middle of a really, really, _really_ good dream of Lucy serving him an extra spicy roast in her maid's uniform. So he yanked his door open ready to shoot fire at the bastard that ruined his pleasant dream.

"What the hell do you….._Lucy?_!"

He couldn't believe his eyes. Could he be dreaming? He _had to be_ dreaming! There was no way in real life that Lucy would suddenly turn up on his doorstep ready to serve him. He should know! He got a Lucy-Kick when he asked her to do it that one time!

"Happy Birthday," Lucy said with a fake smile. He knew it was a fake because her face was a little stiff and her eyes weren't all bright and shiny like they usually were. This was Lucy's forced smile because she has no choice. I'm supposed to give you this," she handed him a birthday card that was definitely written in Lisanna's hand.

Huh?

He opened it to find out what the hell was going on. _Dear Natsu_, Lisanna's note inside started, _Happy Birthday! I wish you all the best on your day and I hope you enjoy the present I brought you. Happy told me how partial you are to a Lucy-Chan in maid clothes ;), Lots of love, Lisanna. _

He couldn't quite keep the smirk of his face when he asked, "So you're mine?"

"Just for today."

"And you'll do everything I say for the whole day?"

"_Yes,_" Lucy growled.

"Anything at all?" Natsu wanted to confirm. So she couldn't argue with him later. Hee, hee, hee….

"Within reason!" Lucy snapped. "No perverted-ness or fighting!"

"What if I wanted you to kiss my feet?"

"I am not kissing your feet!"

"Well that's not being a good maid," Natsu complained, "no wonder that duke guy, or whatever the hell he was, didn't hire you. You're supposed to obey your master's wishes, Luce."

"Urgh!" Lucy shrieked in frustration. "Fine! As you wish, _Master._"

She then, much to his surprise and glee, went down on her hands and knees before him. She puckered up her lips and was mere millimetres away from his foot when he suddenly pulled it away from her.

"Ha!" he laughed delightedly. "I can't believe you were going to do that!"

"_Natsu_!"

"All right! All right!" Natsu couldn't help but keep laughing despite the look of outrage on Lucy's face….actually it was because she looked so angry that he kept laughing. She was so funny when she was like this. "No more teasing! Hey, Luce….will you make me some breakfast?"

Lucy sighed heavily, "Of course, Master."

In the end Natsu had the best day ever, Lucy had made him his favourite breakfast, cleaned his house up for him (and allowing him to have a good look at under her skirt each time she bent down to pick something up….he might have started to purposely knock things over), washed his back for him when he was bathing, cooked him his favourite lunch, played all of his favourite training games, cooked his favourite dinner, and then she gave him her own birthday present which was an awesome Dragon story written by her, just like she promised!

He fell asleep with his head in her lap as she read it out loud to him – his last request with her as his servant for the day.

It was the best birthday ever and all thanks to Lisanna! Natsu wondered what Lisanna would like for her birthday….Gray as a slave? He could totally kidnap Gray and make him be her slave for the day if that's what she wants.


	15. Bondage

**Summary: **Natsu likes to be whipped. No one else wanted to know that.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lucy, Edo-Natsu/Edo-Lucy, and Gajeel/Levy.

**YouTube Prompt: **A Gajeel/Levy video (with the rest of the guild as observers) to Something There from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

_CRACK!_

Everyone stared, white with shock, as Lucy's whip smacked across Natsu's back just between his broad shoulders. Not that it surprised them that Lucy finally snapped and used her whip on the fire dragon slayer. In fact it had been something everyone bet on, and much to their annoyance everyone had to pay up to Gajeel who had totally called it. The fact that Natsu had burnt not only Lucy's favourite book, pulled her hair, and accidentally knocked her out with a chair during his brawl with Gray. It was no wonder that Lucy jumped up enraged, grabbed her whip, and smacked Natsu with it.

No what surprised them was the moan Natsu let out. It was a filthy bedroom moan, something that shouldn't be heard anywhere outside the bedroom let alone a seven foot radius near Wendy. "_God,_" he groaned. "Do that again."

And that was when everyone's souls seemed to have left their body. _God,_ they all thought simultaneously, _never thought Natsu was into that sort of stuff….and I really didn't want to know. _

Lisanna, however, shuddered as images of a parallel version of this couple flickered in her mind. With all their leather, bite marks, and handcuffs onto anything, even public things, despite the complaints from the rest of the guild, Edo-Lucy's whips, and tying each other up with the seatbelts in Edo-Natsu's car. God she didn't need more mental scarring at this rate she was going to need therapy.

"Are you okay, Lisanna?" Mira asked concerned.

"Yeah….just suffering flashbacks," Lisanna said as she shuddered again, "It appears Edo-Natsu and our Natsu have a lot more in common than I thought."

"I could have lived without knowing that," Gray grumbled.

They were all trying to ignore the fact that Natsu carried Lucy off over his shoulder just mere seconds ago while Happy was blatantly left behind. In fact Natsu explicitly told him to stay away from a good few hours much too some nearby people's disgust.

"Doesn't surprise me at all," Gajeel grunted, "Dragon slayers like being dominated."

Everyone returned to being white, soulless, husks as Levy knocked him down to the ground and bound him up.


	16. A Rapunzel Curse

**Summary: **Inspired by 10th Kingdom, Lucy's hair gets cursed to never stop growing. This becomes quite a problem.

**Pairings: **ImpliedNatsu/Lucy, Gajeel/Levy, Levy/Lucy friendship, and perhaps some Laxus/Cana if you squint.

**YouTube Prompt: **Since there's a Rapunzel theme, a crack video tribute to Fairy Tail to I Have a Dream from Disney's Tangled.

It started on a normal mission.

Team Natsu were on the usual capturing magical bandits (which thankfully were not those Jiggle Butt gang or they would have never been able to complete this job) when the guy Lucy had helped capture, shot her with a spell.

"Lucy!" Natsu called out worriedly.

"It's okay," Lucy gasped as she stumbled back on to her feet, "I'm all right…the spell didn't do anything to me."

"That's what you think," the bandit smirked.

"Shut the fuck up!" Natsu snarled as he punched the bandit unconscious. Erza decided then it was probably best for the bandit's health if she took guard over him instead of Natsu which allowed him to go back to Lucy. "Are you sure, you're all right?" he asked as he examined her carefully.

"Of course I am!" Lucy smiled at him warmly.

Natsu grinned back, and the pair of them seemed to be in their own sparkly world, which Happy was fully prepared to comment with his usual tongue roll of 'you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike her', when his eyes' bugged out instead.

It might have just been him but he was certain Lucy's hair had just grown a bit.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

The next day Lucy rushed into the guild in hopes of finding a knowledgeable person in curses and odd magical spells. She had woken up this morning to have found her hair down to her waist which was rather worrying. She had Cancer cut it all off before she went in the shower only to find as she was drying her hair that it had all grown back. So she had hoped to find Levy who was generally an expert in all magic, or Mirajane who knew glamour magic very well (what with being a model an all), or even Master, who might take advantage to pat her bum, but would at least point her in the right direction.

Fortunately she stumbled upon Levy first. The small, blue-haired, girl was reading by the bar while enjoying an orange juice. She looked up and smiled in greeting to Lucy but it immediately transformed into a look of astonishment. "Lu-Chan!" Levy gasped. "Your hair looks gorgeous."

"Erm," Lucy blushed lightly as she felt thrown off, she didn't expect a compliment about her problem, "Thanks," she mumbled.

"Whoa Lucy," Cana whistled in admiration, she too was relaxing by the bar, but unlike Levy, she was definitely drinking something alcoholic. A light cocktail by the looks of it as Mira wouldn't want the brunette to be on the floor before even lunchtime. "Nice hair extensions."

"That's the thing!" Lucy couldn't help but wail. "They're not hair extensions! This is actually my hair! I think I've been cursed!"

"_What?!_" Cana and Levy shrieked in unison.

"I know," Lucy agreed sadly, "it's unbelievable."

"Unbelievably ridiculous," Gajeel grunted from his dark corner. Lucy couldn't help but notice he's been doing that a lot recently, sitting in a dark corner that happened to be nearby Levy. Hmm, that was definitely something she needed to chase up on with her friend when she wasn't having cursed hair issues. "Are you sure, you're cursed? You don't look any different to me."

"Or me," Lily inputted when the girls stared at Gajeel with matching gobsmacked expressions, well Levy and Lucy did, Cana just drank. "Hair is hair."

"How can you two be so blind?!" Levy asked. "Lu-Chan's hair has never been this long before."

"I wouldn't sweat it," Cana said as she stretched out, "it's a male thing. They're all blind, deaf, and dumb, especially when it comes to hair."

"That is an unfair generalisation," Lily grumbled.

"How do you know?" Lucy asked.

"Just watch," Cana said as she stood up, "Oi! Losers! Tell me, what do you think of Lucy's new hair style?" she shouted out over the guild.

It was at this point when Lucy suddenly became surrounded by the female members of the guild. Lisanna sighed jealously as her hair could never grow out right, Bisca was curious what hair products she used, Erza was in full admiration mode, while the others were all very complimentary….apart from Charle who thought they were all being stupid. Meanwhile the boys all just stared at Lucy dumbly.

"Lucy's hair hadn't always been that way?" they all asked one another.

"See," Cana said smugly to Levy.

Lucy shrieked suddenly when she felt something crawl down her legs and then tickle the back of her knees. Some of the other girls screamed, Cana choked on her drink, and Gajeel's eyes bulged out of their sockets while Lily looked rather intrigued.

"Lucy!" Lisanna cried out. "I think your hair just moved on its own!"

"Well bugger me," Gajeel murmured, "Bunny Girl is cursed after all."

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Natsu was on his way to Lucy's, he hadn't been able to see her all day because Happy wanted to go fishing, and when they finally managed to make it back to the guild (restless and bored out of his mind), he was disappointed to learn that Lucy had already gone home. Something to do with her hair and how it was starting to grow on people (whatever the hell that meant), he didn't ask questions because everyone looked exhausted especially Freed, Levy, and Gajeel who apparently had something to do with Lucy's hair. Natsu really didn't care, he just wanted to see his partner, and maybe get her to cook for him, and then maybe sleep in her bed while she was bathing…

He was at the bottom of Strawberry Street when he suddenly tripped over something long, golden, and smells a lot like Lucy. Really, really, a lot like Lucy, as if it bathed in her scent…..it was really, really, really nice, and Natsu may or may not have rolled round in it for a little bit. It was really no one's business and no one will believe Happy because Natsu wasn't a cat that rolled around in soft things like he was.

"Natsu," Happy said, his eyes wide with horror, "I actually think that's Lucy's hair. Look!" he pointed to Lucy's building. "It's coming out from her window!"

This snapped Natsu out of his daze as he realised what Happy had just said was completely accurate.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

It was then when Lucy's hair decided to _literally_ move down the road. It rippled like a river, and just for a moment, Natsu got a tiny bit nauseous at the thought of being on a golden river, despite the fact he wasn't on a boat or a raft. _Lucy,_ he thought as his nausea disappeared. Lucy was in danger. Of what, he wasn't sure, but he had to get to her. He ran all over the golden hair, jumped up, grabbed hold of the thick, silky, golden hair and used it to climb into Lucy's bedroom.

He barely dodged the shoe Lucy flung at him.

"What the hell, Natsu?!" Lucy snarled. "Do I look like Rapunzel stuck in a tower?"

"Who?" Natsu asked confused.

"A princess who had really long…." Lucy trailed off and shook her head. "You know what never mind. It was a stupid question. What were you thinking of using my hair like that, does it look like it's a rope you can climb up on?"

"Now that's definitely a stupid question," he ducked in time to avoid the other shoe Lucy threw at him. Unfortunately Happy wasn't so lucky and ended up unconscious amongst Lucy's ever growing hair. "What the hell happened to you, Luce?" he asked.

"I've been cursed!" Lucy wailed. "It's that bandit we caught yesterday! He did this to me!"

"Bit stupid really. I mean what harm can hair do?"

"It's driving me insane!" Lucy shrieked as she clutched the sides of her head. "Do you know how horrible it feels to _literally_ feel your hair growing? And it's everywhere, I kept tripping in it earlier, and now that it's gone outside I can only imagine what disgusting crap is tangled up in this."

"Yeah, I may have treaded a lot of dirt onto it," Natsu admitted sheepishly. Thankfully Lucy had run out of shoes to throw at him since the rest were hidden under the piles of hair. "Can't you just cut it?"

"Don't you think we tried?!" Lucy snapped. "It keeps growing back whenever Cancer attempted it, no matter what sort of ruins Freed used, or what counter-spells Levy wrote while he was doing it."

Well that explained why they looked so exhausted earlier.

"Yeah, well no offence, but I can't see your crab being that stro-"

"Don't you dare insult my spirits!" Lucy hissed fiercely. He choked in reply as Lucy's hair was l_iterally strangling_ him. Seriously, how the hell did she do that? The moment she realised what was happening, her hair let him go. He rubbed his throat, stunned. Man Lucy's hair was strong. "Oh my God!" Lucy panicked. "Now my hair is becoming sentient!"

Natsu didn't know what to say but he was certain about one thing…They definitely had a problem.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Erza took over cutting Lucy's hair after the town council made a complaint apparently none of the tradesman were able to come in now. Yes, Lucy's hair has grown _that _much. She neatly hacked her way through Lucy's thick hair until it was back to her usual shoulder length which left everyone else (actually just the men for some reason) to haul the rest of Lucy's hair out of the town. Unfortunately by the time they cleaned Magnolia out Lucy's hair had already grown back.

Erza had taken to keep attacking it while Lucy had just given up and decided to read a book. "It's useless," Erza groaned she wiped some sweat off her forehead, "No matter how much I cut off it keeps growing back."

It had taken five days for Erza to finally admit defeat, so no one was surprised when after she said that, she collapsed into a chair and fell asleep immediately.

"Perhaps if we cut it by magical means" Levy theorised. She had been researching the spell non-stop especially when Lucy's hair managed to creep its way into her bedroom at the dorms. "I mean with actual elemental magic, not with Cancer or Erza's swords."

"Excellent idea, Levy-Chan!" Jet cheered her.

"I would be the first to volunteer," Droy said in between eating a sandwich, "but my magic doesn't cut."

Everyone turned to look at Laxus, whose lightning would definitely cut through Lucy's hair, the grumpy blonde looked back and then glowered at the lot of them. The weaker members of the guild (i.e. the ones more easily scared) instantly looked away with a squeak while the rest just kept looking at him expectantly.

"No way," Laxus grunted, "I'm not a hairdresser."

"You're just dressed like one," Cana muttered, "a gay hairdresser."

"_What was that?_!"

"Nothing!"

Natsu grinned evilly and held up a fireball. "I'll do it," he volunteered.

"NO WAY IN HELL!"

"C'mon Lucy," Levy tried to calm the hysterical blonde, "it's either this or your hair starts to make its way to the boarders of this country."

Lucy shuddered as the mental imagery of her hair tangled in the woods, covering cities, drowning in rivers and lakes, took over in her mind. She'd rather _die t_han have this curse! "Fine," she sighed as she gave in, "I'll give it a go."

"AWESOME!" Natsu pumped a fist into the air. "I'm all fired up!" he shot Lucy another evil grin and she gulped. She knew that she was going to regret this. She was so going to regret this! "Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!" he shouted as he grabbed hold of Lucy's hair.

The smell of hair burning filled the guild building and managed to wake Erza up from her virtually comatose state. It was Erza, wide-eyed and horrified, that let Lucy know there was definitely a problem. "Natsu!" she shrieked. "You're burning off too much!"

"_What?!_" Lucy shrieked.

He tried to jump away which led to Natsu almost setting her entire head on fire. With Juvia's quick use of water (in which she may or may not have attempted to drown her love rival) they managed to save Lucy from having her hair completely burnt off. Once she had been cooled down, Levy kindly helped her wash her hair in the bathroom and dry it, she realised exactly just how short her hair was.

It wasn't its usual length, it wasn't even just a few inches shorter than normal, or even a bob (she might have been able to deal with it if it was a bob). It was as short as a boy's. Well…as short as Gray's hair as it covered her ears and touched the nape of her neck.

"**NATSU**!"

Once Natsu finally recovered from the kick Lucy had given him (Wendy had to heal his broken nose), he looked up at Lucy sheepishly, scratched his head, and said, "Oops…"

"Oops? _Oops?! _Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

"You know," Natsu said suddenly a little shy, a light pink that matched his hair dusted his cheeks, and "you look kinda cute with your hair like that."

Everyone looked on in shock as Lucy instantly lost all fury and blushed brightly as she turned into a puddle of goo.

"Did someone get that?" Wakaba shouted. "Did anyone get those magical words that defused a woman's temper?!


	17. Everyone Invades Lucy's Home!

**Summary: **Everyone loves to invade Lucy's house… It's not just a Natsu, Happy, Erza, and Gray thing!

**Pairings: **Cana/Gray/Loke friendship, Cana/Lucy friendship, Lucy/Mirajane friendship, Parental Master/Lucy, sisterly Lucy/Gray, Natsu/Lucy, Levy/Lucy, Levy/books, Lucy/books, Levy/Gajeel, Jet/Droy/Levy triangle, Gray/Juvia, Natsu/Lucy, Laki/Laki, Reedus/Lucy friendship, Lisanna/Lucy friendship, Gajeel/Lily friendship, parental Gildarts/Cana, parental Gildarts/Natsu, Gildarts/Lucy if you squint and look at it that way, implied Kinana/Cobra, Natsu/Lucy, Max/Broom, sisterly Lucy/Romeo, sisterly Lucy/Wendy, implied Jellal/Erza, Natsu/Lucy, sisterly Lucy/Asuka, Alzack/Bisca, and I have mentioned Natsu/Lucy, right?

**YouTube Prompt: **Do you know there has yet to be a video tribute to Natsu with the song 'Your Sex is on Fire'…..THIS NEEDS TO BE FIXED!

**Cana:**

The first time Cana had ever visited Lucy in her apartment had been midway through the blonde's second month in Fairy Tail. It wasn't so much as a visit as a drunken break in well after midnight. Lucy had heard someone rummaging through her kitchen and, with whip and keys at the ready, had planned to ambush them before they took anything of value. She stumbled to a halt when she caught sight of the willowy brunette that she only just got to know on first name basis.

"Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucy," Cana moaned childishly, "there's no booze, why do you have no booze?"

"Because I don't drink," Lucy replied automatically, and then she realised that there was a drunk in her kitchen that she most definitely did not invite. "_Why are you in my apartment?!"_ she shrieked.

Cana shrugged. "Gray said it was all right."

"Did he now?"

(Across town Gray woke with a start as he felt an unnatural chill down his spine as he had a disturbing feeling someone was going to kill him. He cried himself to sleep as he tried to figure out what he did to piss off Erza this time.)

Cana didn't reply as she tripped, stumbled, and then grabbed hold of Lucy as her face went straight into her bosom. "Huh," she murmured, "Happy is right, your boobs are very comfortable."

And with that she fell asleep leaving Lucy to deal with her mess.

**Loke:**

Loke broke into Lucy's apartment for a very good reason, and not just because Gray made it feel like a challenge by telling him how easy it was. This good reason was to do with his secret, something he hadn't told anyone, not even Master, or Gray and Cana who were his closest friends….

He had once been the leader of the twelve zodiacs before he committed his grave sin, and he still felt obliged to check upon his lost family. Lucy was a celestial mage which was terrifying. His last few experiences with them hadn't been good. Karin had been the worst but before her it had been one abusive fuck after another. Lucy owned four of his precious family members and several friends, he had to make sure they were okay and not being mistreated.

So he broke in in the middle of the night and rummaged through Lucy's belongings. He couldn't find her keys anywhere at first. They weren't in her jewellery box, or abandon across her desk, they weren't on her bedside table, or in a drawer tucked away safely. It wasn't until a glimmer in the moonlight that caught his eye, had he found them.

They were held tightly to her chest like a teddy bear.

Was that a good thing? He wasn't sure anymore. His trust in celestial mages had been shot to hell. Carefully he reached out to touch the keys. "Is she taking good care of you?" he whispered, wishing he could really speak to Aquarius, and Cancer, and Taurus, and Virgo.

There was a light hum from the keys as if they were replying positively (apart from Aquarius who seemed to bitching via a loud buzz) and he would have pressed for more when Lucy suddenly rolled over, and murmured incoherently under her breath.

For some reason he left feeling reassured that his family was in good care.

**Mirajane:**

Lucy didn't mind when Mira broke into her apartment and it wasn't just because she cleaned it all up, cooked dinner, and served her an afternoon tea with her lovely warm smile….okay, maybe it was! But no one has ever wanted to pamper her because they cared for her and not been paid to before.

It was really nice and Lucy had to blink back tears as Mira hugged her warmly before leaving.

She hadn't been hugged like that in years.

Like she was loved.

**Master:**

Lucy had been a bit nervous when Master had insisted on visiting. After all he was the head of a guild she only just recently joined, and so far she hadn't made the best impression with helping Natsu destroy things.

"Not to worry, Lucy," Master said cheerfully as he waved off her attempts to offer him tea and cake, "I'm just here to make sure you're safe. You're one of the three girls that doesn't live in the dorms," wait there were girl dormitories? _Why did no one tell her?!_ "And I just want to check that there's no potential of something dangerous happening. You're one of my brats now."

Lucy blushed at that. "Thank you," she said shyly, "that means a great deal to me."

"You just sit down and let me take care of everything," Master said as he patted a fatherly hand on her shoulder. Lucy obeyed and enjoyed a nice cup of tea as she watched Master potter around her apartment mumbling to himself. He was very thorough as he examined every crook and cranny, it was when he opened her drawers that Lucy began to realise something was amiss. "Ah," Master said perversely as he rummaged through her underwear drawer. "So this is what my shitty brats were talking about when they said you had kinky underwear."

"**GET OUT!"**

(Laxus sighed in exasperation as he entered Magnolia only to see his grandfather fly through the sky….why did he have to be such an embarrassment?)

**Elfman:**

Lucy was enjoying what could be the only peaceful hour she would get this day (she learning quickly that Natsu didn't need a reason to break into her apartment, he'll just do it anyway and she should just suck it up) by reading a book she had been meaning to read for the last month. She had just gotten to a really good bit when Elfman suddenly spoke up.

"This pink bedspread isn't manly at all," he said loudly as he criticised the duvet he was sitting on. Lucy barely jumped, she was getting this used to people breaking into her apartment…it was becoming a problem. "And the curtains are so unmanly, and the books have nothing manly about him, a true man's book should have at least one wrestling scene, preferably naked, and in the woods with a wild animal, and your furniture lacks the manliness of MAN to be any use to you. This entire apartment isn't manly at all!"

Lucy will be honest here. Having just listened to her entire home that she had lovingly put together with her hard-earned money being criticised by a huge, muscled, bone-head….well it just sent her temper flying to the roof and she just snapped.

"WELL BREAKING INTO MY APARTMENT ISN'T MANLY EITHER!"

She was surprised when Elfman suddenly went on his hands and knees and started grovelling for forgiveness.

It was very weird.

**Levy:**

Lucy didn't mind whenever Levy broke into her apartment because Levy wasn't a selfish, destructive, stripper (yes that is aimed at Natsu, Happy, Erza, and Gray who had all left her apartment in a pig sty recently), and she always brought presents. "Books!" Lucy moaned delightfully when she came home to find Levy sitting cross-legged on her bed surrounded by piles of books that she had brought for Lucy. "Levy-Chan, I love you," Lucy declared passionately as she reached the first one.

"I love you too, Lu-Chan."

If they had ended up spending the next two hours rolling around in the books like two weirdoes it is so not anyone else's business….no matter what Natsu believes.

**Nab:**

"AHHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"I…don't know…..because everyone has been doing it recently?"

"GET OUT!"

**Vijeeter:**

When Vijeeter asked if he could practise his dance moves in Lucy's apartment (something about his home being fumigated and he didn't want the guild to see it just yet since it was a surprise for Nab's birthday), Lucy didn't see what the problem could be. But then he played the most headache inducing music in the world and his moves were dizzyingly complicated that she had to look away.

_SMASH!_

She whirled round to see her favourite vase had been accidentally knocked off her coffee table and shattered on the hard wooden floorboards. Deep breaths, she reminded herself. "Oops," Vijeeter said sheepishly, "I hope that wasn't valuable."

"It wasn't."

Money wise it wasn't but s_entimentally_? It had been part of the reward of her second job with just Natsu and Happy, Natsu had it handed to him, took one look at it, and shoved it into Lucy's hands as he told her it suited her weird tastes much more than his. She had treasured it more and more over the years and now it was broken.

"Oh good," Vijeeter sighed in relief, "Because that thing was hideous."

"I think you should leave," Lucy said sternly, "_now_."

For some reason much later that week Vijeeter kept running away from her while screaming something about Erza's twin sister….huh…..

**Jet and Droy:**

Lucy can be patient. Natsu may argue otherwise but quite frankly if she wasn't patient he would have been in hospital by now or killed by her hand. But as patient as Lucy can be it does have limitations and being woken up at three am would try anyone's patience, but being woken up at three am by two sobbing, grown, men was really pushing it.

"Jet, Droy, I'm tired," Lucy half whined, "Can you just tell me what you want and how you got in here so I can make sure you can't get in in the future?"

"Levy-Chan is missing!" Droy wailed. "We looked everywhere and can't find her!"

"And we got in through the chimney," Jet sniffled, "Gray said it was really easy to do…."

That's it. From now on Lucy was going to have a permanent fire going on in her fireplace to burn the arse of the next fucking prick that decides to jump in via chimney. And if it happens to be Gray's naked arse all so much the better.

"Well you go in through the chimney," Droy mumbled between sniffles, "I would have been stuck, so you opened the front door for me."

Lucy felt her eye twitched as Jet and Dory started to bicker between sobs about whether or not Droy needed to lose weight. "Levy isn't here!" she snapped finally losing her patience. "Now go away!"

"But where could she be?!" Jet wailed pathetically.

"What if she had been kidnapped?!"

"We should go to the Master now! He would know what to do!"

"Oh for God sake!" Lucy shouted. "Levy isn't in danger, she's just out on a date with Ga….Oh bugger."

It took two hours to comfort Jet and Dory enough to get them out of her apartment and hopefully into therapy because honestly they had issues. Exhausted, miserable, and generally grumpy, Lucy was desperate to go back to sleep for like the next ten hours before Natsu decides to break in.

She stumbled back into bed and snuggled into the warmth provided by her blankets and the arm that wrapped itself round her. "Where've you been?" Natsu mumbled into her ear.

….

….

….

"GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!"

**Juvia:**

One morning Lucy was set to have a bath. It was one of her nice lazy mornings and she knew Natsu wasn't going to sneak in at any given moment because she had just kicked him and Happy out (she thinks they might have landed in the graveyard, a whole new record for her and her kick), and therefore she can have a couple hours of reading in the bathtub undisturbed.

She was puzzled to find water in her bath already when she entered the bathroom. She reached to touch it when it suddenly transformed into an immaculately dressed Juvia. "Gray-sama is right!" Juvia sighed blissfully. "This bath is delightful! Juvia has had the best sleep in a long time!"

Given the shock she just received as well as the extreme invasion of her privacy, Lucy was certain she could be forgiven for forcibly throwing Juvia out of her bathroom window.

The water mage shrugged it off as she rubbed her backside, stretched, and went in search of her beloved Gray-sama. Though she couldn't help but wonder just exactly how she had been successful in kidnapping Lucy that one time because blimey could she give Juvia a run for her money.

**Lisanna:**

"Lisanna!"

Out of all the people to break into Lucy's apartment, Lisanna never even made the list, let alone be the last Lucy would have thought of! So it was a huge shock to find the youngest take-over sibling sitting in her living room while she looked through some of Lucy's magazines.

"Oh!" she flushed a bright pink. "Sorry!" she apologised hastily. "I was just….well…erm….you see Natsu and Happy have talked about this place so often that I….kinda let my curiosity get the better of me," she admitted sheepishly.

"Did you break anything?" Lucy asked.

"No," Lisanna blinked.

"Eat me out of a home?"

"No."

"Gone through my underwear drawer?"

"_God, no_! Who the hell does that?"

"Half the guild," Lucy said dryly, "you'll be surprised how many perverts we have here. I don't have a problem with you being here. I'm just….surprised."

"Well we don't know each other very well," Lisanna pointed out, "I was kinda hoping to change that."

Lucy sat down beside the girl and smiled evilly as a brilliant idea came to her. "If I tell you all the crap Natsu has been up to since I met him, will you tell me all the embarrassing stories you have on him from when you were kids?"

Lisanna's embarrassment and shyness vanished instantly there and Lucy could definitely see how she was Mira's little sister with that mischievous expression. In the end they had spent all night sitting up talking and laughing. Natsu was very unimpressed when he broke in that morning and all Lucy and Lisanna did was point at him and laugh hysterically.

_Women!_ They were all weird!

**Gildarts:**

When Gildarts appeared at the window Lucy freaked out a bit but she freaked out even more when Gildarts admitted that he was there to check out his daughter's best friend and his surrogate son's love interest. She kept stammering that she wasn't Natsu's love interest but the older, somewhat sexy, mage totally ignored her in favour of questioning her and rummaging through her things.

"Whoa," Gildarts murmured in appreciation as he held up Lucy's lacy knickers, "does Natsu know you wear these? If not he's in for a treat."

"Y-you pervert!"

When Cana came over to hang out with Lucy, who was so totally her best friend after all the help she had given her, she found her father standing outside in the street yelling up at Lucy's window as he begged her not to tell Cana.

"What did you do to Lucy, you big pervert?!" Cana shrieked. "You know what? I don't want to know. I'm better off with Macao as my father, at least he never made a pass at my best friend."

"Wait! Cana, it wasn't like that! Please forgive me Princess!"

**Gajeel and Lily:**

Lucy woke up to find Gajeel sitting by her bedside watching over her with his unblinking red eyes. She screamed and clutched her duvet against her chest. "_Why are you here?!"_ she shouted furiously.

"Curiosity," Gajeel grunted, why the hell was everyone curious about her apartment?! "And we needed shelter from the rain."

"_We?!"_Lucy repeated. "Who the hell is we? Who else did you bring to my home?"

"Lucy," Lily floated in answering her question of who else was here, "you have no kiwis at all in the kitchen. That's something you need to rectify immediately."

It was far too early in the morning for this shit. So Lucy merely replied by pointing at her bedroom window and screaming. It was her automatic response now, thanks to Natsu and Happy, "OUT!" she screeched. "GET OUT NOW!"

"All right, all right, keep your knickers on," Gajeel grumbled.

He then climbed onto her bed, ignored all of her shrieks, and jumped out of the window with Lily on his back flying him safely to the ground.

"Well that was rude," Lily sniffed.

"Bah, Bunny Girl just doesn't like it when people break in without asking," Gajeel muttered, "Salamander keeps whinging about it. I didn't want to stay for long anyway, it stank of Salamander."

"Yes," Lily agreed, "I did get the impression he sprayed his scent everywhere." Gajeel said nothing in return and Lily enjoyed the companionable silence until he realised something. "Gajeel, we live in the opposite direction."

"Yeah, I know," Gajeel shrugged, "I just gotta do something in the Shrimp's room."

Lily's eyes almost popped out of his head. "You're not going to…._Gajeel!"_

Honestly, sometimes he wonders why none of the girls in Fairy Tail have taken restraining orders out on their male members.

**Macao, Wakaba, and Romeo:**

The only reason Lucy didn't fucking murder Macao and Wakaba when she found them in her apartment, stinking it up with their cigar smoke and smirking over her underwear like a pair of perverts, was because of the very embarrassed, purple haired, thirteen year old that was cringing in the corner of her room.

"Ne, Lucy, will you try this on for us?" Macao held up a red and black corset she had recently brought and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Or is this all just for Natsu only?"

"_Dad!_" Romeo hissed humiliated.

Lucy took a deep breath and dug her nails into the palm of her hands in order to prevent herself from slapping the smug looks of these disgusting old men's faces. "I'll give you the count of ten to put that back and leave or I will kick you so hard, your ancestors will be able to feel it."

They moved very quickly at that. "We're going, we're going!" Macao shouted as time was running up. He managed to reach the front door before he turned round and remembered why he was there in the first place. "Oh yeah, Wakaba and I are going on a mission for Master, can you babysit Romeo?"

"_Dad_!" Romeo shouted outraged. "I'm not a little kid anymore!"

"Sure," Lucy agreed, "now get the hell out of my apartment. You can pick Romeo up at the guild later."

Once they were gone, Romeo groaned and hid his face behind his hands. "I'm sorry about them," he mumbled.

"It's all right," Lucy ruffled his hair, "it's not your fault."

A little cheered up, Romeo smiled shyly at Lucy, and then asked something that had been bothering him since his father pulled out the corset. "So do you wear that sort of stuff for Natsu-nii?"

"**NO**!"

**Wendy and Charle:**

If it was anyone else Lucy would be furious. She had just been about to make an epiphany on where to go in her latest story when there was a loud crash and she lost it. Someone had once again broken into her apartment and was getting sick of it. But one look at a terrified Wendy and a fed up Charle, both looking adorable as ever, and Lucy felt it drain away as she slumped in defeat.

"I'm sorry!" Wendy wailed. "I didn't mean to intrude!"

"Yes you did," Charle scoffed, "you were insanely curious thanks to that scoundrel Natsu and his disgusting male cat told you how fun it was."

"Please forgive me!"

Lucy really couldn't be mad at such a darling like Wendy. Especially when she was looking up at her with those big brown eyes of hers. In the end she made the two girls a cup of hot chocolate and set out a plate of cookies for them.

"Just don't make a habit out of this," she warned them, "I don't get much peace as it is, I don't need what little I get interrupted as well."

**Reedus:**

When Reedus broke into Lucy's apartment he was more or less instantly forgiven. After all no one else has ever broken in just to decorate her apartment with the most stunning artworks of her friends before.

Or started to paint the view from her window and see the beauty in it like she did.

He may have ended up staying for dinner.

**Max:**

Lucy was incredibly surprised to find Max on the other side of her door. After all the mousy-haired sand mage has never been to her apartment…ever. And to see him looking wildly worried and nervous was a concern as well. "Have you seen my broom?!" he shouted in her face. "I can't find her anywhere!"

Did he just refer his broom as a _she?_ Never mind, not the issue at hand.

"Why would it be here?" Lucy asked confused. "I've never invited you over here before. In fact I think this is the first time you have ever been to my apartment."

"Well actually…." Max shifted nervously and smiled at her rather sheepishly. Wait, what? Has he been breaking into her apartment as well?! _What is wrong with these people?!_ "You do know about the game, right?"

"What game?"

"Erm….never mind!" Max squeaked. "I obviously left my broom somewhere else!"

(When he was safely away from the furious Lucy he warned everyone that the game of breaking into Lucy's apartment and seeing how long they could stay without being caught was over…for now, until Lucy had forgotten about it. Which shouldn't be too long, Natsu was eyeing up some dangerous missions again.)

**Warren:**

"Yeah…I think I have enough now."

"When the hell did you get here?! And how long have you been here?"

"I'm insulted that you didn't notice me since I've been sitting on your bed for the last hour."

"I erm….been distracted."

"I know, writing love stories about you and – mmph!"

"Tell anyone and I'll cut your tongue out, got it?"

Warren never again tried to read Lucy's mind or break into her apartment….unless it was an emergency and he was left with no choice.

**Kinana:**

Kinana will never admit this to anyone but she had once broken into Lucy's apartment. It wasn't for anything mischievous or sinister! It was a research thing. After all she had heard all about Lucy's legendary seductive underwear and wanted a peek for herself.

After all she wanted to have the right stuff for when she finally met up with _him _again.

**Laki:**

"Personally I don't see what all the fuss is, my bedroom is far more interesting than yours, so I'll be going now."

"Erm…okay?"

**The Connells:**

Lucy was woken up by someone jumping onto her stomach. She had been ready to shout at Natsu (because seriously this hadn't been the first time he had hurt her in an attempt to sneak into her bed) when she caught sight of Bisca and Alzack leaning over her. "Howdy!" they chorused in unison.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Lucy-nee, why are you screaming?" Asuka asked, her voice muffled by Lucy's stomach, as she cuddled into the blonde girl. "Did I hurt you? Mummy said I shouldn't jump on the bed but I was so happy to see you…"

Well that explained the pain. "No," Lucy tried to calm down, "No sweetie, you didn't hurt me, I was just shocked that's all, I didn't expect to see you." In my apartment, when I haven't let you in, and after I looked into getting security measures so no one can break in, so how the hell were you able to get in?! Lucy added furiously in her head.

"Do you know you drool in your sleep?" Bisca asked. Lucy said nothing, she was more aware of that, Natsu complained regularly about it, he kept saying she soaked his chest in the middle of the night, which she often retorted back with how he shouldn't even be in her bed to begin with. "It was so cute!" Bisca cooed motherly. "Anyway, we were hoping, if you could, look after Asuka for a little bit? We need to go on a job."

"Oh…erm…"

"So you don't mind babysitting for the day?" Bisca asked eagerly. "Excellent," she said quickly before Lucy could reply, "Thanks! We really owe you one. Now Asuka be good for Lucy-nee, Mummy and Daddy love you, take care now. Byeeeeee!"

She then dragged her husband out of Lucy's bedroom leaving her child on Lucy's lap without a second one. Lucy blinked. Asuka smiled up at her and she couldn't help but notice just how cheeky that smile was…..

_Why do I get the feeling that not only have I been used but tricked?!_

**Jellal, Meredy, and Ultear:**

You would really think that Lucy would be used to surprises by now. But then again never before has she had three fugitives enjoying afternoon tea in her living room before. Ultear was sitting very composed, Jellal looked uncomfortable, and Meredy was reading one of Lucy's magazines.

"Good afternoon, Lucy," Ultear said as she sipped her tea, "would you like to join us?"

Lucy's mouth opened and closed wordlessly which caused Meredy to giggle a little. "You look like a fish," she told the celestial mage cheerfully. This, finally, allowed Lucy to find her voice.

"WHY ARE YOU THREE HERE?!"

Jellal flinched, Meredy looked taken aback, while Ultear remained unmoved by Lucy's childish screech. "We were passing through," Jellal explained hesitatingly, "we had some Intel for the Magic Games to pass onto your Master and then spotted some of the Magic Council guards."

"For once they weren't after us but we didn't want to take the risk," Ultear smirked, "does your dragon slayer always destroy buildings?"

"It an unfortunate habit I have yet to condition him out of," Lucy sighed, "And he's not _my_ dragon slayer!" she added furiously.

"A little late there, Lucy," Meredy grinned, "just like how Jellal says Erza isn't _his_ fairy queen!"

"Ara!" Ultear cooed in a similar manner to Mira, it was quite creepy. "We all know how that is untrue!"

Lucy felt her soul leave her body as two women she barely knew sat there and dissected not only her non-existent love life with Natsu but her friend's non-existent (though honestly more of a life than hers) love life with the blue haired man sitting beside her….who had once tried to kill her and all of her friends. God if she knew her life was going to be this weird she might have given it more thought about joining Fairy Tail…

"I feel your pain," Jellal said sympathetically, "they're very cruel in their teasing."

"How did you guys get in here anyway?" Lucy asked curiously.

Recently she had taken to not only double locking her front door but warding it while keep her window firmly locked, and her fireplace well lit. It had kept some people out but Natsu was immune to fire and he had taken to sneaking in through the chimney. Which she hated because it meant she had to clean up after his ash trodden footsteps and wash her sheets daily.

"Gray told us that you never lock the bathroom window," Jellal informed her, "it was merely a matter of getting Meredy in so she could let us in through the front door."

Seriously, Lucy needed to kill Gray. If only she could find a way that won't end with her being murdered by Juvia….

**Laxus and the Thunder God tribe:**

Lucy once again woken up to find invaders in her house. Only this time it was four of them and a handful of evil wooden dolls. Laxus seemed to be asleep on her beanie bag, Freed was reading her work, Bickslow was playing with his 'babies', and Evergreen was going through her wardrobe.

"You know," Freed said, as he was the first one to see she was awake, "you made an awful lot of grammar mistakes here. Are you sure writing is the career path for you?"

It was a miracle that the Thunder God Tribe managed to escape the building with their lives intact. After Freed's heartless comment ("It wasn't heartless!" the rune mage protested. "It was constructive criticism!") Lucy had exploded into sheer rage, violently attacked them all, and managed to shove Laxus out of the window before turning her ire back onto to Bickslow (who was not ashamed to admit he felt like crying at this point).

"Okay," Laxus said once he caught his breath, and they were all far, far, away from Lucy, "I think we can all agree now that we have been unfair in our treatment to Bickslow."

"_Finally!_" Bickslow bellowed.

"Finally, finally, finally!" his 'babies' trilled behind him.

"I agree," Freed said as he pushed his hair back, "in fact I think it's a miracle that you managed to live through your first encounter with her."

"So am I," Evergreen gasped, "so we're all agreed? No more teasing Bickslow for losing to Lucy?"

"Aye!"


	18. Some More Consequences of Lying

**Summary: **Sequel to Consequences to Lying, Lisanna and Lucy return home to find lots of teasing in store for them….and a sulking Natsu. Some dialogue stolen from Big Bang Theory again.

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lucy, Lisanna/Lucy, Cana/Lucy, Cana/Lisanna, Natsu/Lisanna friendship, and Lucy/Lisanna friendship.

**YouTube Prompt: **A Jellal/Erza video to Linkin Park's Leave out All the Rest….because I just can't help but feel that song has been written for them. Especially for Jellal's regrets of his past actions.

If it wasn't for the fact they couldn't avoid the guild forever, neither Lucy nor Lisanna would have returned to the guild building once they finished their mission. After an incredibly embarrassing send-off they would both be quite happy to hide under their beds for all eternity but there was no way either Mira or Natsu would let that happen, so they returned quietly as possible.

"Lucy! Lisanna! Welcome home!" Mira greeted them warmly, "how was your _mission?_" she asked, the innuendo in her voice was obvious to even the likes of Natsu.

"It was good," Lucy said stiffly.

"We didn't destroy anything," Lisanna added. She had heard enough from Lucy to know that lately everyone has been extra destructive on their missions. Natsu seemed to have gotten worse over the years which was worrying. "And we got the full reward."

"Oh I bet you did," Cana leered.

"Didn't destroy anything?" Macao asked surprised. "Blimey, neither of you are very passionate in the bedroom, are you?"

Lisanna and Lucy squawked and blushed bright pink. They had hoped everyone had forgotten Mira's parting shot. Lisanna had voiced hopes, before they came home, that Mira had forgotten about that lie. Obviously not…_Damnit!_

"We're not like that!" Lucy shrieked.

"Of course not," Wakaba wiggled his eyebrows above his pipe, which made him look even more sleazy than before, "and we don't spend our time sitting around the bar."

"Man Lucy," Cana stretched, and then flung an arm round the blonde's shoulders, Lucy screeched when Cana took advantage and groped her. "If I knew that you swung that way I would have been more than willing to experiment with you," she then turned and smirked at Lisanna, "You too, I'm flexible."

Lucy was certain that her face looked exactly like Lisanna's – bright red, embarrassed, and kinda hoping that someone will dig a hole for them to curl up and die in. in fact maybe she should call Virgo for that.

"We're not-"

"Oi, Mira," Natsu suddenly barked as he pushed Macao out of his way. This had an extreme domino effect as the older fire mage stumbled into his best friend and knocked him into Cana, together the three of them crashed onto the floor. "Give us a fire shot, will ya?"

"Magic word," Mira said pleasantly.

"Please."

Macao managed to get back on his feet at this point and roared in Natsu's ear, "_what the hell was that for?!_" only to be ignored. Frustrated, furious, and no longer having fun teasing Lucy and Lisanna (thank God!), Macao, Wakaba, and Cana sloped off to their own corner….and to take the mick out of Gray instead who had seemed to have lost all of his clothes but gained a pair of pink frilly knickers…..you know what? Lucy really doesn't want to know.

"Ne, Natsu," Lisanna pouted, "aren't you going to greet Lucy and me?"

"Hmmph."

"Well that's rude!" Lucy scowled.

"Very," Lisanna agreed as she glared at their shared best friend.

"Don't mind Natsu," Happy floated behind the pink haired dragon flayer, "he's been in a bad mood ever since you left on a mission without him."

"What the hell Happy?!" Natsu squawked. "That's not true! Stop lying!"

Lisanna and Lucy raised an eyebrow at one another. They had a feeling that Happy was telling the truth, and not just because Natsu was a crap liar. "I'm not lying, it's the truth!" Happy protested as he flew out of range of Natsu's hands. "You're so mean to me Natsu! I'm going to play with Wendy instead!" he then flew off in tears.

"Honestly Natsu…." Lucy shook her head.

"You should be nicer to him," Lisanna chided him, "if you keep acting like that you'll never get a girlfriend."

"Whatever," Natsu sulked. He accepted the shot from Mira with a mumbled thanks before he gulped it down in one swallow. He then wiped his mouth with his hand (Ew!) and then grinned charmingly at them. Lucy couldn't help but sigh in relief, the real Natsu was back. "So how was your job?" he asked.

"It was fun!" Lisanna grinned. "Lucy really showed me a good time, "at this Lucy couldn't help but blush as Mira squealed delightedly, didn't Lisanna realised how bad that sounded? It was bad enough that half the guild thought they were lovers thanks to her lie did she have to add to it? "I didn't even know a body could bend that way until Lucy showed me, and-"

Lucy had been about to jump in and tell everyone that Lisanna meant fighting not….well _you know_, after all Lisanna had never seen one of Lucy's more superior kicks where she bent her body to land a kick onto someone standing behind her's face. However, before she could defend her virtue's reputation, Natsu suddenly punched Lisanna very hard in the arm.

"Ouch!" Lisanna cried out. "What was that for?!"

"To teach you a lesson," Natsu growled. "She is not for you," he said it very clearly in his weird tone as if to suggest if Lisanna didn't listen to him now he really would hurt her. "_Not for you!_" he repeated. "Come on Luce, you can go with me on this next mission," he then grabbed Lucy's wrist and forcibly dragged her out of the guild, ignorant of everyone's whispers and Mira's fangirl screams.

Lucy wondered if something had crawled up Natsu's arse and died. It wasn't like him to be this rude and cold. She decided as he shot her a glare, that this was definitely Lisanna's fault. If she had never told that stupid lie then none of this would happen.

In future she should really consider the consequences before lying about her love life.


	19. On Me

**Summary: **Inspired by a scene in How I Met Your Mother. Natsu takes Lucy's words too seriously.

**Pairings: **Natsu/Lucy and a little Gray/Juvia.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to the strained relationships between Lucy and her father, Laxus and his father, Edo-Jellal and his father, Ultear and Ul, and Gray and Lyon, to the song Just Like You by Three Days Grace.

It was a nice day and they had just succeeded in defeating a hoard of monsters. Therefore it was natural for them to celebrate by blowing some of their reward money (which for once they managed to receive in its entirety) on a feast. Natsu and Happy were scoffing majority of the main courses, Happy enjoying a large variety of fish (most of which made Lucy want to vomit) while Natsu was devouring meat dish after meat dish. It was then when Lucy decided they could pay for the main course because there's no way in hell she was footing what was bound to be an incredibly expensive meal.

"You're guys are paying for that!" she barked out to them. "Some of us have rent to pay!"

"But Lushy," Happy said through a mouthful of food, "You're eating too!"

"I'm just eating one meal not the entire fish section," Lucy pointed out.

Happy pouted. "You could eat more," he said miserably, "we don't mind sharing with you, Lucy!"

Lucy felt a tiny bit guilty at that. Of course they don't mind sharing and in that perfect world of theirs, she would share the expenses as well. "I'm not that hungry for fish or meat now," Lucy said, "but I am up for a pudding. Tell you what, you pay for this, and then dessert is on me," she winked at the blue cat.

Honestly it was an evil deal so totally in her favour. Natsu and Happy weren't big on sweet stuff so she could get away with just buying three ice creams and not spending a lot of her money.

"No thank you, Lucy," Happy said looking rather disturbed, "I'd much rather eat my pudding in a bowl."

"I didn't mean literally you stupid cat!"

"Wah! Natsu, help! Lucy's being meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

"Shut up, you're causing a scene!" Lucy hissed embarrassed.

Natsu swallowed his chicken leg whole (urgh….) and looked up at them, puzzled. "Huh?" he said completely oblivious as always. "What did you say, Happy?"

"Nothing," Lucy said before Happy could speak, "he's being stupid like always. Do you want anything for dessert? It's on me."

Natsu grinned brightly. "Sure! Can I have a hot fudge sundae?"

"Why not?"

"Awesome!"

They finished the rest of their meal in peace and Lucy left Natsu to pay for that before they headed over towards the ice cream parlour for their dessert. In childish revenge for Lucy making him pay for the main course, Natsu ordered the biggest, most expensive, hot fudge sundae that the parlour had to offer.

Lucy had no idea how truly stupid Natsu was until the waiter served them their ice cream, and the pink haired dragon slayer turned and grinned at her, "Come on then, Luce," he said rather patronising, "get your clothes off."

"WHAT?!"

"You said dessert was on you, but I know you, Lucy, you don't like it when your clothes get al mucky," Natsu explained impatiently, "So c'mon then, strip, before my pudding gets cold."

"I DIDN'T MEANT LITERALLY!"

"Ah! Happy! Lucy is backing out of her promise!"

"Pin her down then!" Happy suggested evilly.

"_What?!_ Don't you d-"

Lucy didn't get to finish her sentence as Natsu pounced on her and tried to take her top off with one hand while the other held up his hot fudge sundae threateningly.

This of course does not end happily for either of them.

After all it is not fun explaining to Erza exactly _why_ she had to bail Lucy and Natsu out for public indecency but still….Lucy wasn't the one being beaten to death for sexual harassment.

(She did, however have to deal with everyone's teasing, and she may or may not have snapped, and punched Gray in the face which led to her almost being drowned by an over-protective Juvia.)


	20. Birthday Revenge!

**Summary: **sequel to The Best Birthday Present Ever, now its Natsu's turn to be Lucy's servant for the day.

**Pairings: **Implied Gray/Natsu, Gray/Juvia, and lots and lotsNatsu/Lucy.

**Author's Note: **Dedicated to all of you lovely reviewers who have given me over a HUNDRED reviews. Thank you all so much, I hope you enjoy this one as well. Special thanks to Tsubaki394 for the suggestion XD.

When Erza and Gray asked Lucy what she would want for her birthday, they were rather surprised when she clenched her hand into a fist, pumped it in the air, and snarled furiously, "Revenge!" they were less surprised and more understanding when Lucy revealed for Natsu's birthday she had been kidnapped, dressed up as a maid, and forced to serve him hand and foot all day.

Then they got a bit too enthusiastic with the kidnapping of Natsu and forcing him into clothes that would embarrass him.

Happy will later claim that it was one of the five reasons he has to go to therapy. After all it looked like Gray was 'raping' Natsu. This of course became the reason why Happy ended up in the Vets with a concussion, and Gray would later end up with a broken nose from all animal lovers.

Anyway, on the morning of Lucy's birthday, it was Erza who delivered Natsu onto her front doorstep, tied up, gagged, and dressed in full butler's attire. It actually looked like Capricorn lent him his own clothes for the occasion as they were a little too big on him. "We had a battle and a half to get him in them," Erza explained as she shoved Natsu into Lucy's arms, "Happy Birthday from me and Gray, I hope to see you later and we can feast on cake in order to celebrate the day you were born. Until then, Natsu," the pink-haired dragon slayer stiffened at Erza's sudden change of tone. She went from soft and sweet to her strictest, scariest, voice. "You will do whatever Lucy tells you. No matter what, _got it_?"

"A-aye!" Natsu stuttered behind his gag.

"Good," Erza nodded, "goodbye for now."

Once Erza was definitely gone, Lucy helped untie Natsu, and he gladly got rid of his gag and took several deep breaths of freedom….until he remembered he was Lucy's slave for the day and immediately fell into dejection. "So….what are you going to make me do?" he asked wearily. "You're not going to make me do weird stuff like kiss your feet are you?"

"Do I look like I'm _you_?!" Lucy retorted. Before he could answer, she crossed her arms, turned her back to him, and carried on rather huffily, "If you must know I was going to make you do some household chores. My laundry needs doing, my apartment could use a good cleaning, especially the bathroom, and I don't particularly want to cook."

Natsu moaned. "But Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucy!" he whined childishly. "That sounds boring and too long to do."

"You're supposed to be my slave for the day," Lucy pointed out, "it's not supposed to be fun."

"I'm not your slave," Natsu spat out, "I'm your butler. Erza decided not to go with the slave costume."

Lucy looked mortified but she couldn't help (he knew she wouldn't have been able to, Lucy was just as curious as the rest of them,) asking, "What slave costume?!"

"Some sort of Arabian, sex, slave, thing," Natsu muttered as he ran a hand through his hair, "Gray argued against it because it was just a pair of trousers that look like most of my clothes anyway, and Erza agreed, but only because I think she's planning to make Gray wear them for Juvia." He grinned evilly. "I _so_ want to see that."

"I wasn't aware you had a thing for Gray being topless," Lucy said dryly, "I should have to inform him of that."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Natsu was so angry at the implication that he almost burst into flames, which honestly wouldn't be the first time, that Lucy decided to backtrack before her apartment got damaged and she either had to pay for it or get kicked out. Neither was appealing. "Okay, okay," Lucy said as she held her hands out in an 'I surrender' gesture. "Just do my laundry while I have a bath and then we'll discuss your next duty, yeah?"

"Okay," Natsu's evil grin made another return, "do you want me to wash your back?"

"_**NO**_!"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy managed to enjoy a two hour bath while she read a brand new book (a present from Levy) but unfortunately it went downhill from there. Although Natsu managed to do her laundry perfectly (years of practise from doing Erza's), he was a terrible cook, unable to produce more than a charred fish which certainly did _not_ appeal to Lucy's stomach, and she ended up making her own lunch.

Then came the big battle to get him to clean her bathroom.

"I'm not doing it!"

"Yes you are," Lucy glared up at him, "the whole point of this servant for a day is that you do what I say."

"I didn't make you clean my bathroom!"

"No," Lucy agreed furiously, "you made me clean your house, cook umpteen different meats, and wash your back!"

"I offered to wash your back!"

"I don't want you to wash my back, you great big pervert!" Lucy shrieked. "I want you to clean my bathroom. There's still residue pudding from when you and Happy decide to bathe in the stuff in my bath tub!"

"We were _playing_, and you were _invited_!" Natsu argued. "If there's any of it still left from the last time you made me clean up it's because your hair is clogging the plughole again!"

Lucy glowered so ferociously at Natsu that she could almost feel the aura of her own fury pouring out of her. "Do you want me to tell Erza you're slacking off?" she asked threateningly.

"_No!_" Natsu squeaked. "Erm, you know what, Lucy-sama? I think I will make your bathroom extra squeaky clean!"

Lucy sunk into her chair and sighed as Natsu raced off to the bathroom and finally did what he was told. She always thought with her heiress upbringing that she would be the one crap at obeying orders, not Natsu. As time passed and Natsu was finally finished cleaning the bathroom, Lucy came to an irritated realisation that her apartment wasn't big enough or filthy enough to be able to order Natsu about. Sure she could make him dust or something equally mundane but she had no doubt he would end up accidentally trashing the place. In the end she managed to come up with the perfect torture for Natsu in order to get her sweet, sweet, revenge…._shopping!_

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Shopping didn't go as well as Lucy hoped.

Natsu had whined the entire time, which, while was expected, was incredibly off-putting. Lucy hadn't been able to enjoy browsing through the books or comparing shades of lipstick hen she had Natsu moaning in her ear the entire time. To make matters worse he got her kicked out of five shops. Two of which were her favourite! So Lucy ended up storming down the street, with a whinging brat trailing behind her, wishing that she had just asked for a new whip or something from Erza and Gray instead.

"All right Natsu," Lucy said, exhausted from just being around him, "your last order of the day," Natsu perked up at that and Lucy tried to not let it bother her that he was eager to get away from her, "you have to take me out for dinner," Lucy ordered imperiously as possible. She even pointed at him and looked as high and mighty as possible while making this order.

"Aw, do I have to?" Natsu whined. "I'm hot, tired, and the places you like to eat are terrible!"

"You know what?" Lucy snapped, finally losing her temper. "Forget it! Let's just forget this whole day! I understand not wanting to wear a stupid costume and serve someone's every whim, it's _fucking humiliating_, but I did it for you because it was your birthday, _your_ day, and I wanted to make it special for you, and help Lisanna. You could at least have the decency to play along for my own birthday. It's not like I've been asking you to do degrading things. I just wanted you to clean the bathroom, do some chores, and take me out for fucking dinner for _my birthday_. Is it really too much to ask? Then I'm obviously not worth that much to you."

And with that Lucy stormed off with the full intention of running back to her apartment, climbing into bed, and crying her eyes out as she remembers once again why her birthday isn't worth celebrating.

"Luce, wait!"

He grabbed hold of her wrist, and before she could pull away from him, he yanked her close, her back against his chest, and wrapped his arms firmly round her waist. "Don't leave," he murmured into her ear, and she deflated instantly as her cheeks flushed pink, his breath tickled her earlobes and she suddenly had to fight back the urge to moan. _Goddamnit!_ She swore to herself, knowing she was going to give in soon. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I'll do whatever you want, no moaning, I promise." All of her anger left her at that point, why could she never remain angry with him? _It wasn't fair_! She relented by covering her hand over his.

"Take me out for dinner?" she asked him quietly.

"Okay."

Her disappointment over the fact he pulled away from her vanished when he took her hand into his. Together they walked hand in hand to find a good place to eat. This was definitely one of the better birthdays she ever had.

"Hmm…" Natsu frowned. "I can't help but think I've forgotten something."

"Eh," Lucy shrugged, "couldn't have been important then."

(Meanwhile back at the guild, everyone was sitting in awkward hiding spots (Elfman was incredibly squashed and cramped but he endured it because it was MAN!) in the dark as they had been for the last two hours. "Damnit!" Gray swore beneath Juvia. "I knew we shouldn't have trusted Natsu in bringing Lucy to her own surprise party!")


	21. The Problems with Telepathy

**Summary: **While hung-over, Warren hears some things he shouldn't….

**Pairings: **Implied Natsu/Lucy, Max/Broom, Laxus/Freed, Gray/Juvia, and Gray/Warren.

**YouTube Prompt: **A Juvia/Gray video from Juvia's point of view to the song Take a Chance on Me by Abba. Because I swear it's like it was written for her.

Warren groaned quietly to himself as he clutched his head. As awesome as his power can be for cheating, and spying, and embarrassing his guild mates, there were many, many, downsides to it. Like it had taken him years to learn how to drown out the many voices around him so he could actually hold a conversation with someone. And then there was the fact that he had to keep so many secrets for people because he accidentally overheard them thinking about it. But the worse, _the very worst_, was what happens when he is hung-over.

All of his defences were gone and despite the silence of the guild it was screaming with noise from everyone's thoughts.

_Urgh I think I'm going to be sick!_

_More booze! I need more….!_

_God! Dad is so embarrassing!_

_Jeeze, what the hell did I do last night?_

_Death would be welcome right now…._

Fucking hell, why did he go home last night? He should always be home after he gets so pissed drunk that he ends up this sick. His home had special runes (written by Freed) to block out the noise of people's thoughts outside (unless they had malicious intentions towards him. Unfortunately this doesn't count Max's pranks or Nab stealing his food), so he wouldn't be suffering like he was right now. But no, he was a moron, a drunken idiot, and had to stay partying till he passed out amongst the nosiest thinkers in the world.

_Focus,_ he reminded himself, _you need to focus on just one person._

He scanned the room for someone that could be comforting to his mind, Erza was out immediately since she would gut him, so was Mirajane, because as comforting as she seemed, her mind was a dark and twisted place, and he didn't want to have nightmares about pink sparkles again. His eyes fell on Lucy but he decided against it. The last time he purposely read her mind he had gotten lost. Her train of thought was so complicated and twisted, and backtracked on itself, that he got headaches from listening to her on a _normal day_ if he were to listen to her now he would definitely be sick. His eyes skipped past Wendy and Romeo (he had a policy to not read children's minds unless it was an emergency) and he refused to listen in on Gajeel. He did it once and it took him five weeks to find his way home again.

In the end he decided on Natsu because despite the fact that he screamed his thoughts. He tended to think only one word, usually fight, fight, fight, or food, food, food, which was the lesser of evil compared to others. If anything the repetitive word might be a soothing, rhythmic, distraction for him. He looked at the pink haired dragon slayer who was slumped all over a table next to Lucy and Wendy while Happy and Charle hovered above them, and then Warren zoomed in onto Natsu's mind_. LUCY, LUCY, LUCY, LUCY, LUCY, LUCY_, Natsu's mind screamed, _COME ON LUCE PAY ATTENTION TO ME_!

Feeling nauseated and overwhelmed Warren pulled out before he collapsed on top of Max (who was still sleeping on the hard wooden floors while cuddling a broomstick).

_Oh dear God!_ Natsu's mind was worse than listening to everyone's voice. While making a mental note that he should tell Mirajane this (as he told her all the romantic secrets of the members of the guild in return for free drinks….you know he was starting to see where his problem starts), his eyes landed on a pretty, quiet, blue haired mage that was watching Erza and Gray struggle with their own hangovers. That was when he decided to focus on Juvia. She seemed nice, normal, and very quiet. Surely her thoughts would be too?

_Oh Gray-sama!_ Juvia's swooned within her own thoughts. _How Juvia loves you, how Juvia craves for you, how she wishes you would just ravish her on the table, right here, right now-_

With the mental image of Gray bending Warren over the table, Warren desperately pulled out of Juvia's mind while screaming.

"Eh?" Juvia looked around as she snapped out of her fantasy, "Juvia thought she heard screaming…."

Warren clutched the wall as he gasped for breath. Oh dear God that was terrifying. Oh my God he had been that close to having sex with Gray, sort of, was it just him or did Juvia make Gray look more muscly than he really is?

He calmed down eventually (he may or may not have sunk onto the floor, wrapped his arms around his knees, and rocked backwards and forwards until he did so) and the moment he did his headache came back with full force.

He desperately sought out for someone soothing. Unfortunately all he could find was Jet and Droy with their constant buzzing about Levy, Evergreen's foul thoughts of castrating Elfman whose mind had always induced headaches with his rants of manliness or poor attempts of poetry, Bickslow always screamed his thoughts, and Freed…..urgh, the last time Warren read his mind he had be attacked with the sight of Laxus wearing a tiger-striped pair of thongs!

_Laxus!_

Laxus was listening to music! Sure, it's not likely to be classical music (which by now would be very soothing) but it was better than listening in various different sex fantasies (God, Warren knows that they're teenagers and everything but surely it's too early for that?), and so Warren focused in on Laxus in hopes to drown out his hangover induced headache that was definitely going to be the death of him.

Laxus was ever so slightly bopping his head while the song in his mind blasted at full volume. _I WANT TO BE LIKE OTHER GIRLS!_ Laxus sang inwardly. _CLIMB UP A TREE LIKE OTHER GIRLS CAN. JUST TO BE FREE LIKE OTHER GIRLS – GET TO BE!_

_OH MY FUCKING GOD!_ Warren accidentally screamed into Laxus' mind. _You like girl's songs?!_

He instantly regretted it as Laxus turned to look at him with the darkest, coldest, and most evil glare Warren had ever seen in his life. _Tell anyone_, Laxus thought darkly, _and no one will ever be able to find your body. _

Warren finally went home despite the noise of the streets, but this wasn't because he finally regrew his brain cells and decided to use common sense to cure his headache….no it was because he really, really, really needed to change his underwear.


	22. Erza's One True Love

**Summary: **Erza confesses her love…

**Pairings: **Implied Erza/Jellal and Erza/OC

**Author's Note: Please check out this drawing ** tsubaki394 . deviantart art / doodlydoodle-460621477 by Tsubaki394 that she literally made today based on the last chapter of this fic. Thank you so much Tsubaki!

Erza gazed deeply at what she thought was the most beautiful thing in the world. Soft, luscious, gorgeous….

"I love you!" she confessed loudly, her cheeks as red as her hair. "I have always loved you, I will always love you, and no one will ever come first before you. I promised."

"Erm, Erza…"

"I want to ravish you," Erza admitted shamefully, "devour you completely and have you again, and again, and again…."

"Erza?"

"Please don't talk!" Erza begged the objection of her affections. "I don't think I could cope if you reject me out right. It would break my already fragile heart. Even if you could never return my affections, I hope that you could at least give me tonight!"

Jellal sighed heavily, this really wasn't how he imagined his first date with the woman he has loved since he could remember. "Erza," he said softly, "You do realise that you're talking to _a cake_, right?"

"I am not talking to a cake," Erza snarled as she gestured to the most beautifully decorated and incredibly expensive cake that the restaurant had to offer, "I am talking to my one true love!"

Jellal ended up spending the rest of their date huddled in a corner as a dark aura of depression leaked out of him and filled the restaurant.

Not that Erza noticed. She was too busy admiring her newest love of her life – the second most beautifully decorated and incredibly expensive cake in the restaurant (the first had been devoured and ravished).


	23. Puss in Boots

**Summary: **Happy and Lily get a new addition to their fashion choices….

**Pairings: **Implied Happy/Asuka/Lily friendship, implied Levy/Gajeel, and implied Lucy/Natsu.

**YouTube Prompt: **A tribute to all of our lovely Exceed characters to the song 'Everybody Wants to be a Cat' (because why hasn't it been done yet?!)

"Oh my God…"

"It's terrible…"

"Why?"

"I don't know but this is last time we're letting them go on a mission together."

"Agreed."

Lucy and Levy looked horrified. They had never seen their men ever agree on anything, not even when Gajeel and Natsu worked together like the time they battled against Laxus did they agree on how to do it. They were _always _fighting. They were _always_ bickering. So to see them getting along was _terrifying._ Pigs must be flying without the aid of magic, the sky must now naturally be as pink as Natsu's hair, and the world was definitely ending.

"I don't see what the big fuss is," Lily blinked, "I think they look marvellous."

"Aye sir!" Happy agreed cheerfully.

"In fact I think I might get another pair."

"Aye sir!"

"I definitely wouldn't mind going on another mission with Asuka-Chan again, either."

"Aye sir!"

Lucy tried not to laugh at the looks on Gajeel and Natsu's face, it looked like they were suffering a severe round of motion sickness. They were all blue, wide-eyed, and gagging, and she couldn't help but find it hilarious.

(Natsu always said she was weird.)

Asuka went on her first proper mission away from Magnolia earlier that week on the condition that she picked two adults to accompany her on her team. She, in true Fairy Tail fashion, got round the ruling by picking Lily and Happy to go with her. They had already spent their reward money on the way home much to Gajeel and Natsu's mortification on a new fashion choice.

There Lily and Happy stood showing off their beautiful, brand new, shiny cowboy boots. _Red _cowboy boots.

"We look like cowboy cats!" Happy cheered.

"Yeah," Gajeel grumbled, "_Gay _cowboy cats."


	24. Redirecting Erza's Anger

**Summary: **Alternative scene to episode 14. Lucy evilly and cunningly redirects Erza's anger to Gray and Natsu.

**Pairings: **implied Natsu/Lucy/Gray and some sisterly Erza/Lucy.

**YouTube Prompt: **Lucy tribute to Stand My Ground by Within Temptation.

For one brief moment Lucy thought she was going to die.

Death by gigantic rat dressed in pink_….oh God_! No one would be able to take that seriously. She could so see the likes of Natsu unable to stop laughing during her funeral, and people will read her obituary in the newspaper and laugh, and her Father will cry tears of mirth as he tells everyone how glad he was to disown her when he had the chance…

And then she was saved!

With one graceful slash of her sword, Erza incapacitated the gigantic rat, and landed on her feet like a cat. Lucy felt like she was going to burst with joy at the sight of her friend. She was saved. She wasn't going to die a humiliating death! And even better Erza could help with this entire situation because they were obviously way over the heads.

"Erza!" she cried out cheerfully as she made her way to hug the redheaded knight. Erza turned round to face Lucy and the look she gave her….well Lucy was surprised she didn't suddenly die from the murderous glare. If looks could kill she would definitely be six feet under.

For a moment she couldn't work out why she was being glared at but then she remembered why she needed rescuing in the first place. _Oh yeah…._ She thought as sweat ran down her entire body out of sheer fear of Erza. _We broke the guild rules and went on an S Class quest without permission…_

"Lucy," Erza said coldly, "you know why I am here, don't you?"

At first Lucy didn't know how to answer not because she didn't understand or anything, she wasn't a moron like Natsu, but because she desperately wanted to know what could be the right answer to prevent her bloody, tragic, death at her guild mate's hand.

And then it occurred to her…Erza was quite overprotective of her fellow female guild members, and incredibly biased against the male ones. Lucy had no problem accepting punishment from Master when she was home but right now she would anything to get away from Erza's ire, even if it meant throwing Natsu and Gray under the train so to speak.

"_Yes!_" she cried out before she actually tackled Erza into a hug that she wanted to give her before. "And I'm so glad you're here! It's been _hell!_ And I don't just mean because it's an S-Class mission, that we should definitely _not_ have taken, but because I had to share a bed with Gray and Natsu and I don't think I'm fit for marriage anymore!"

Lucy began to cry actual tears at that point as she remembered what it felt like to be stuck between two snoring men. It was _horrible!_ She couldn't sleep at all and now she was so exhausted that she just wanted to curl up, and cry herself to sleep.

"_What_?!" Erza pulled Lucy away to examine her tearful face. "What do you mean you don't think you're fit for marriage anymore? What exactly did those bastards do to you?"

"I had no choice they forced me in between them!" Lucy wailed.

"There was no consent?"

Lucy shook her head. She had absolutely no say in it the night before, Natsu and Gray had just thrown themselves onto the two different sleeping mats as far away from one another as they could, and then Natsu dragged Lucy down when he saw her hovering uncertainly around them. "And Gray was naked again," Lucy began to babble tearfully, "and sprawled out everywhere, I saw everything, and then Natsu grabbed me and wouldn't let go, and….and….Erza, does this make me a slut?!"

Okay she may have lain it on a little too thick with the question but the rest had, in fact, been true. Natsu was a little handsy in his sleep, as Lucy had to slap his hand from her breasts five times the night before, and Gray's naked limbs seemed to be _everywhere_.

Erza had now lost all of her anger with Lucy which had been the aim anyway. Her beautiful brown eyes softened with motherly concern, and her body relaxed ever so slightly, as she reached out and grabbed Lucy by the back of her head, and then slammed it against her hard, cold, metal armour.

Lucy almost lost consciousness and wondered if this was karma getting its own back on her already.

"Of course not Lucy," Erza reassured her as she stroked Lucy's hair. "Don't worry my fellow sister, I will avenge your virtue!"

"Great…." Lucy rasped against Erza's breastplate. "Can't breathe!" she choked.

Lucy cannot described what happened next because it was so horrifying, but the moment Erza laid eyes on Gray and Natsu they were incredibly dead men. Both Lucy and Lyon, who was the sort of bad guy but considering the wide-eyed innocence he wore as he watched Erza destroy Gray told Lucy he wasn't really, shuddered and winced in sympathy as Erza released a storm of brimstone and hell on the two men for besmirching Lucy's virtue.

"Lucy…" Natsu croaked. "….why?"

"Will…" Gray glowered as menacingly as possible with two black eyes, a broken nose, and a split lip, "Get….revenge…"

Feeling incredibly guilty, Lucy nodded in agreement. She would accept any form of revenge Natsu and Gray inflicted upon her, and not just because she totally deserved it, but because it would be nothing compared to what Erza would have done to her if she hadn't redirected that anger.

"What was _that?_!" Erza growled. "Were you threatening to besmirch Lucy's virtue _again_?!"

"What?! _No!_ Erza – _**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_"

.


End file.
